


Tales of a Comet

by life_in_the_stars



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Adam Driver - Freeform, Character Death, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fanfiction, First Order, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Jedi, Kylo Ren - Freeform, Original Character(s), Resistance, Sith, Star Wars - Freeform, The Force, The Force Awakens, The Last Jedi - Freeform, mature - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-20
Updated: 2018-10-07
Packaged: 2019-04-25 14:52:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 41
Words: 67,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14380983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/life_in_the_stars/pseuds/life_in_the_stars
Summary: My earliest memory is pain. Pain of losing a mother, pain of losing the love of a father, pain from the isolation that happened after the incident. I am reminded by others that what happened on that day was an accident and it wasn’t my fault, but deep down I know what truly happened and so does my father and brothers. The deep self anger and self hate I have was slowly consuming me until I was taken away by General Organa and the resistance. My life was beginning to look brighter, until the day I was kidnapped by the First Order. This is when my story neither begins nor ends. This is when my story becomes dark, so dark that even a Sith Lord would tremble in fear.





	1. The Beginning

Chapter 1 - The Beginning

“Take the basket and take-“, my mother was cut off by me quickly taking the basket filled with my father and brother’s lunches. “I know mama, I can do it by myself”, I said with excitement. This would be the first time my mother was allowing me to walk from our home into town to bring everyone their lunch. Every day I would walk with my mother to give my father and four brothers their midday meal, but this time I was going alone.

My mother sighs and begins rubbing her temples. I pause, knowing her headache was a bad one. She starts again, “Take the basket, and take it straight to your father. Don’t stop and goggle at the venders. You go straight there and back. Do you understand?” I was bouncing with energy and nodded with enthusiasm. She didn’t have time to throw my shawl over my shoulders as I ran through the open door. 

If mother and I were walking, it would take about 1, 823 seconds to get to my father’s shop – I know because I’ve counted. Being too excited to walk, I ran as fast as my six-year-old legs could carry me.

I made it to town quickly and jogged to my father’s shop. The town had a center ring that held the variety of shops and venders, which was were my father’s store was located. 

I opened the door, hearing the tinkling of the bell that serves as the notification of a customer. My father and brothers buy and sell fabrics of different textures, colors, shapes, etc. The shop smelled of freshly cleaned linin, which was my favorite smell. I didn’t immediately see anyone behind the counter, but I heard voices in the back room. Still carrying my basket, I walked into the back where two of my five brothers were unpacking and making an inventory of the new shipment. 

Hearing someone walk in, they stopped to see who it was. Upon seeing me, Zuke smiles. “Hey comet! Watcha doing here?”, he asks while using my nick-name he gave me years ago.  
“I came to drop off your lunch”

“Oh, and what do you have to offer? Anything good?” He came and picked me up swinging me around the back room.

Still giggling he set me down and took the basket from me. While Zuke was rummaging through the basket, Kael stretched and set down the stack of papers he was using to make an inventory. 

“Did you finish those figures I left you this morning?” Kael asked me.

“I haven’t looked at them yet. Mama got one of her headaches and had me make the lunches”

“I see, so she’s not here?”

“No, Mama let me walk here alone!” I said again with excitement. 

Ghent walks in carrying another crate while he comments, “That, I believe, was a bad call”

“Leave her be, you were walking alone to bring Delmon and father their lunches at her age, and so did I” Zuke stated. 

“Still was a bad call”, mumbled Ghent. 

My brothers all had similar features that included dark almost grey eyes, blonde wavy hair of varying lengths, strong jawbones, and lightly tanned skin. I, on the other hand, had dull, curly brown hair with eyes that were a mix of brown around the pupils and blue and green on the edges. My mother used to comment how I had the entire world in my eyes. My mother was slim and had curly blonde hair similar to mine and grey eyes. My father had dark brown eyes and darker, more straight hair. 

Out of my five brothers, Delmon was the oldest. He married last year and was expecting his first child soon. Ghent was the second oldest. Ghent was constantly timid, always followed the rules and never disobeyed. In my opinion, he was the dullest. Then there was Kael, who helped my father with the shop’s numbers and the money coming and going. He could count a variety of numbers in his sleep and he made sure the shop was running as smoothly as possible. Zuke was my favorite brother. Father always said that Zuke could sell ice to a Wampa from Hoth. I’ve never met a Wampa, but they must seem nice if Zuke would sell our fabrics to them. Finally, there was Percy. Percy always said he was going to leave home and become something better than a fabric shop owner. So, he contacted our fabric supplier who offered him a job with Skypath Industries. He is now selling fabrics as a vendor on the Dravian Starport. My father finds this remarkably funny, but I didn’t understand the irony at the time. 

“Nymeria, where is your mother?” A deep voice asked behind me. I turned and found my father wiping his callused hands with a rag. “She let me come alone”, I said tentatively while looking down and rubbing one foot on a raised nail in the floor. 

“Now, why would she do that?” He asked. Behind me I heard Ghent exclaim rather loudly, “Exactly!”. 

“Mama is having one of her headaches” I said wearily. 

“Hmm, alright then”, my father turned and walked back through the doorway. “Nym, why don’t you go to one of the vendors selling your mother’s herbs that she uses for her headaches” he said, handing me a small bag of coins, “then go back home and make her some tea.”

I nodded, taking the bag of coins and waving goodbye to Zuke. After closing the shop’s door and hearing the tinkling of the bells, I began to walk to the different makeshift booths that had vendors from surrounding planets and even galaxies. I glanced up at the sky thinking of Percy and where he was. I shook my head, feeling angry that he left me here, even if I didn’t want to go. Tears pricked my eyes thinking about how he left without telling me goodbye. I wiped a stray tear and continued to the vendor that my mother favored for her headache teas. 

I was collecting the coins from the bag to pay for the variety of herbs when the old man that was selling them looked at the sky with concern, “Did you see that, looked like a ship was landing towards the hills?”

I looked up and saw a bright blue sky without a cloud blemishing it. I looked back at him, raising one of my brows like Zuke taught me. The old man just glanced at my outreached hand and took the coins, still taking peaks at the sky. I thanked him and took the package with the herbs. 

I began to walk back home while taking my time. I found the most perfect stone and started to kick it down the path when I heard a deep rumble ahead of me. I looked up and immediately forgot about the stone I was kicking. A large black mass of smoke was beginning in the distance. I began to run when I tripped on a rock, making me stumble and scrape my knee on the path. I wanted to just sit there and cry when the wind picked up, causing me to smell the smoke from a fire. Scrambling back to my feet I raced towards home. Rounding the second to last curve on the way home, I saw a thick amount of smoke coming from the direction of the house. Still clutching the bag of herbs like it was my lifeline I sprinted as fast as my juvenile legs could carry me.

I could finally see the house and it was covered in flames. “Mama!”, I screamed trying to get to the house faster, tripping over roots and rocks on the way. The front door had flames extending from the house, so I ran to the back door, which was open too, but only black smoke was coming out. “Mama! Mama, where are you?”

Tears were now streaming down my face, but they were mixed with the ash from the house. I didn’t know what to do. It was too late to run back to town. What do I do? My heart was pounding in my ears and it was getting too hot to stand so close to the house. I looked around trying to find anything that could help me. losing hope fast, I turned back towards the back door and ran inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment your thoughts, concerns, ideas (I get writer's block often) and anything I mess up with (grammar and general Star Wars facts). I live in the Midwest of the USA. I'll try to post weekly, but I'm also desperately trying to get my bachelors so... I'm not promising anything.  
> This story is also posted on the Wattpad app under the same title.


	2. Pure Isolation

Chapter 2 - Pure Isolation

I couldn’t see anything. Everything was muffled by the smoke coming from the front of the house. “Mama!” I kept calling her name, but it was getting harder and harder. My throat felt like it was on fire. I continued to cough as I walked further into the house. Specks kept crossing my vision as I tried to remember where the bedrooms were. I tripped over a bucket and banged my already scrapped knee on the floor. I yelled out in pain, but immediately started to cough again.

I started to crawl faster and faster in the direction that I had hoped was towards the bedrooms. Something started to creak when I saw a beam begin to fall from the ceiling. I quickly crawled away from it, but it still hit the back of my left leg. All I can remember was the intense pain coming from my leg in waves and hearing my name being called very faintly by what sounded like my mother. This was the last thing I recalled before I lost consciousness.

\--X--

I first heard the tinkling of a bell. It wasn’t loud, almost like it was in a dream. _That’s a pretty sound_ I thought before losing the feeling of awareness again.

I kept going in and out of consciousness for almost two weeks. During this time, I was healing from the severe burn on the back and sides of my left thigh as well as smoke inhalation and multiple lacerations and smaller burns. I did hear my Papa speak a few times, as well as Zuke and even someone else I didn’t recognize.

I tried opening my eyes, but when I did I was met with a bright light. Someone stopped me as I tried to pull my arm up to cover my eyes. The same form shielded the light for me. “Mama?”

“No Nym, it’s Zuke”, my brother said with a soft sigh. I opened my eyes fully so that I would look at him. He looked different, almost sad and tired. “Where’s Mama?”

“She-“

“She tried to save you, but she wasted her life on you”, Ghent said from the corner of the room. He was leaning against the far wall with his arms crossed over his chest.

“That’s enough Ghent. She doesn’t know yet”, Zuke stated.

“Well, she needs to know what she has done.”

“If you so far as say one more word- “

Ghent turned to look at me, which during this time I tried sitting up better, “Mother died trying to save your pitiful life. You ran inside that burning _empty_ house causing mother to-“

Ghent was cut off by Zuke punching him in the jaw, knocking him to the ground. I didn’t see my other brothers burst into the room or hear them aggressively yelling at each other.

I just felt numb.

I whispered so quietly that I was surprised my brothers even heard me, “I killed Mama?”

There was immediate silence, which was when Zuke walked back over to me.

“No comet, you didn’t kill anyone” Zuke said as he came back to my side. He sat on the edge of the bed and began to rock me as I cried.

“I killed Mama?” I whimpered, looking at Zuke. He wanted to deny it, my adolescent self could tell, but he didn’t. He just looked at me as if he agreed with Ghent. I pushed him away from me. I began to push everyone away as I cried harder. “Don’t touch me!”

“You see, even she knows she’s a murderer”, Ghent commented. He was smacked in the back of the head by Delmon and taken by the arm by Kael and led out of the room.

I tried to pull my legs into a fetal position, but my left leg was wrapped tightly, causing me to just roll over onto my right side. Zuke left me alone while I continued to cry. I had let my Mama burn while she tried to save me.

\--XX--

After the light had faded from the room and my tears wouldn’t flow anymore, Delmon came up the stairs to set a tray of food and drink down on the side table by the bed. Without looking at me, he lit a lantern and left, closing the door behind him. This was when I noticed I was in one of the rooms above the shop. Father and sometimes my brothers would stay up here when they were waiting on an overnight shipment.

Sitting up I looked at what Delmon had brought me. I began to nibble at the bread and sip on the liquid when the door opened again by Zuke and someone I didn’t recognize.

“Nym, this is the physician who is trying to heal your leg. Let him do his work without troubles, alright comet?”

I just nodded my head, putting the tray back on the side table. “Now just lay on your stomach for me while I work on the wound”, the physician said as he helped me roll onto my stomach. He started to pull the bandages off, which brought tears to my eyes, but I stayed silent. I thought taking the bandage off was the worst part until he started to peel the skin from my leg. I cried out once before I lost consciousness again.

\--XX--

The physician came every day for three months until the wound was moderately healed. Months of having the layer of skin pulled off daily until the wound was healed enough that I could continue life with only a slight limp. I had other, smaller lacerations from that terrible day, but they healed weeks ago. Although my physical wounds healed, the wounds that I caused my family were forever raw. Delmon and Kael wouldn’t look me in the eyes while Ghent made a snide comment whenever he could. Zuke tried to keep everything normal, but he soon gave up. My father wouldn’t even acknowledge my existence. While I was kept in the room above the shop, my father was pouring himself another glass of liquor. My brothers continued to maintain the shop, though it was lacking the life that it once contained.

I turned seven during the time I spent alone in that small room. Nobody seemed to notice, and I grew to not care. I not only became an outcast in my family, but also in town. When I was able to leave the room after months of being in isolation, I found that even the people who didn’t know my family blamed me for the fire and for the death of my mother.  
Delmon had his first born a few months after that terrible day, but the child was too weak for this world and passed soon after the birth. Delmon lost interest in life much like my father did and he joined him and the drink. The feeling of despair and the sense of being so isolated soon grew into a burning rage of anger. This anger was slowly consuming me. With every orbit of the moon and with every new year, I developed a resentment to not only the people in town and my family, but to myself. Hating myself was something I learned to do best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment your thoughts, concerns, ideas (I get writer's block often) and anything I mess up with (grammar and general Star Wars facts). I live in the Midwest of the USA. I'll try to post weekly, but I'm also desperately trying to get my bachelors so... I'm not promising anything.  
> This story is also posted on the Wattpad app under the same title.


	3. Burning With Rage

Chapter 3 - Burning With Rage

As I grew older, so did the level of my rage. The only joy I found was in stealing. I stole anything and everything, though the more difficult the item was to get ahold of, the higher my adrenaline rush became. The stealing started with a spool of thread when I was in my early teens.

Ghent had the first shift in watching the store during the morning. The first shift had to make sure everything was in place and everything evened up with the inventory system. Knowing he would have to check, I quickly snuck a spool of black thread from the basket that was sitting on the counter. I would have taken more if Kael wouldn’t have walked in. I shoved it in my pocket and continued out the door like nothing had happened.

Stealing people’s things became my favorite pastime, although one of the things I hated was when Ghent would physically and mentally abuse me. In the past few years he has turned to violence to remined me how much he hated me. The beatings were getting to be worse and my other brothers eventually stopped protecting me. When this day happened, I realized that I was truly alone in this world.

There was one other thing that I also hated, and that was when I had to take care of my father. After that terrible day, my father has been drinking himself into oblivion. There are times when I am the last to come home, so I would have to be the one to get my father into bed.

One night, after coming home late, I found my father laying on the floor passed out. Sighing, I tried to shake him awake. There was no way I would be able to carry a man his size up the stairs by myself and there also was no way I was going to wake my brothers up to help me. I couldn’t leave him there either. Shaking him again he finally started to rouse awake, or at least the best his drunk body would allow.

“I have to get you upstairs to bed.” I said, which was met with a mix of curses and mumbling. Once I got him to sit up he finally takes a good look at me. With glazed eyes my father finally started to really look at me for the first time in years.

I squatted to my father’s eyelevel and began to retie the stings to his boots, which must be why he was on the ground in the first place.

“Your mother would have been proud of you” he whispered.

I looked up at him with my brow raised like I was taught so many years ago.

A single tear flowed down his cheek and into his unkept beard. “She knew you were special, the moment you were born. She wouldn’t let any of the boys touch you; not even me. She said you held a gift that only those worthy enough to have, possessed. She had that gift too, but she kept it contained. Her headaches were from her keeping it hidden. She wouldn’t let me help her. Oh Aren, why didn’t you let me help you instead of being so afraid?” My father, who was the most terrifying man I knew as a child, began to weep. While I was shuffling him up the stairs and to his bed he kept whispering ‘why’ until I sat him down.

Still not saying anything to him, I began to unlace the ties I had made prior to the long trek to the bedroom. I finally was getting his last boot off when he cupped my face with his large, still calloused hands.

“My sweet Nym. Your mother loved you very much.” With that, my father fell back onto the bed, into a deep sleep.

\--XX--

Another shipment had come through, so Zuke, Ghent, and Kael were separating the items and creating a new inventory. I spent most of my days wondering on the outskirts of the town due to the lack of scowling faces. I walked into the back room where my brothers were working. Zuke glanced at who walked in, but then went quickly back to work. Kael and Ghent refused to look in my general direction. I walked over to the table in the back that was covered in various items from the shipment and sat on the stool, watching them. These items where what my brothers have already counted and logged into our system. Delmon and Kael found a cheaper inventory system so instead of using paper it was all done on a mobile tablet and saved into the system.

Being fifteen and a general pain in the ass, I decided to start kicking the leg of the table. This caused several of the items to shake. I kept kicking the table at intermittent moments until multiple spools of thread fell off the table and onto the floor, in which they began rolling towards my brothers. Ghent turned around so quickly I thought he would get whiplash.

Ghent shouted at me, “Stop kicking the table and stop messing with the items or I’ll - ”

Becoming irritated I sneered back, “Or what? There isn’t anything you haven’t said or done to me that would scare me away.”

“Please Nym, just let it go”, Zuke pleaded.

“Let it go? Fuck that and fuck all of you” I said as I got up from the stool. It was like I couldn’t stop, the buildup of rage, loneliness, and frustration from over the years broke loose. I threw whatever was near me at Ghent, who tried to dodge the spools of thread, packages of needles, and other things a normal fabric shop would need. As I was throwing things at him I was also throwing a line of curses.

I then picked one of several pairs of scissors and was about to throw one like a dart at Ghent when a large hand wrapped around my wrist. The same hand yanked my arm behind my back and didn’t let go until I had dropped the scissors. I took a hold of my wrist once it was released and started to rub it when I noticed it was Delmon who had grabbed me.

“Pick up this mess and leave, you don’t belong here”, he said lowly. Defeated, I turned and started to pick all the things up that I threw at Ghent. While I was on my knees picking the objects up, Ghent kicked me in the side. I fell to the opposite side he kicked me on, grasping onto my ribs.

“What the fuck Ghent, had to kick someone while they’re down didn’t you? You couldn’t be a fucking man and fight face to - ”

“Shut your mouth you little shit”, he said as he kicked me again in my stomach. Not one of my other three brothers tried to stop him as he continuously kicked me.

“If you hadn’t-“ he kicked me in the stomach, “ran into that damn house-“, kicked me in the thigh, “mother would have still”, kick again to the side, “been _alive_ ”, and finally a kick to the head.

Tears were now running down my face, but I never made the smallest sound. Little black dots started to race across my vision after that last kick. It’s disappointing to say this wasn’t the first time Ghent has shown his hatred of me through violence. A few years ago, he tried to cut my arm off by “accident” which led to a rather large scar to my right arm. He’s also tried to burn me but was stopped by Zuke, which was when he was still trying to smooth things over between me and my other family members.

I struggled getting up, but I managed with the help of the table. Once standing I looked at Ghent. I could feel blood trickling from a laceration on my forehead where he had kicked me. The darkest anger seeped from me. The feeling of the purest and deepest rage started within my chest and reached its black fingers towards my extremities and mind. I could feel it like it was a pulsing, living thing inside me. Ghent was about to take another swing at my face when I pushed him without physically touching him.

Ghent was thrown back into the wall, which then made him crumple to the ground. The room became silent; not a breath could be heard. Time seemed to slow down like my body and my brothers were trapped in the thickest syrup around.

Blood was pumping in my ears and I knew what I had just did was bad and also impossible, but my fury was still not contempt. I had a feeling that I had never felt before. It was like a tight band was wrapped around my head, causing a throbbing sensation. I couldn’t tell if this was physical or mental; whichever it was it hurt.

The black, clawed fingers of my anger pushed against this band, causing it to loosen just enough that I felt a presence beyond those of my brothers. I could immediately tell this presence was male and that he was powerful, although he didn’t have a physical form that I could see. I was distracted when I saw Ghent starting to sit up. My other brothers were still too shocked to move.

Ghent said, very faintly, “you little bitch. I will kill you for this”

My rage with its claws slipped the band that was surrounding my mind. When this happened, I felt so much power rush in that I had to grasp the table for support. I instantly felt cold, cold enough that my breath came out in visible puffs. The power that was coursing through my body held me under its control. Ghent was now struggling to stand up, still glaring at me. I focused all of my energy to his form while my arm raised up. What followed were all of the scissors that were laying on the table.

They individually rose into the air, turned, and were now facing Ghent who’s hate filled eyes turned into fear. The room was surrounded by dread, terror, shock, and awe.

“No brother, you will not kill me for this. You will never touch me again”, with those words I closed my fist, which caused the scissors to hit my brother. The look in his face caused the band to snap back around my head and the claws of my anger to retreat. The presence I had felt before was gone. All that was left were my brothers and my realization of what I had done.

Ghent would have fallen if he could, but the scissors that were now piercing his skin and into the wall behind him wouldn’t allow him to. Nobody dared to move, breath, or say one word. Nobody risked facing me, fearing that what just happened will be targeted to them. Unbeknownst to my brothers, I just full realized what I did; which terrified me the most.  
I had just killed my brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment your thoughts, concerns, ideas (I get writer's block often) and anything I mess up with (grammar and general Star Wars facts). I live in the Midwest of the USA. I'll try to post weekly, but I'm also desperately trying to get my bachelors so... I'm not promising anything.  
> This story is also posted on the Wattpad app under the same title.


	4. A Brief Goodbye

Chapter 4 - A Brief Goodbye

The wind gently tossed my hair from my shoulders into my still bruised face. I was standing outside the city limits with my single duffle bag. Beside me was my father, who was surprisingly sober. Today, I believe, would be my last day on this retched planet. 

I had blacked out after what happened with Ghent. My brothers are too terrified of me to explain what happened. I didn’t go with them to put him beside mother nor did I speak to the rest of my family members until last night. My father explained how he had contacted an old friend of my mothers who was willing to take me in after what had happened. I felt like I was betrayed by my family, but the more I thought about it the more I realized it was I who had betrayed everyone. 

The burning self hatred I have sitting in my chest was like coal waiting to be stoked into flames. It was a never-ending pain that I held onto. It was a reminder of what I had done in such a short lifespan. Yes, my remaining family might loath me, but I will always hate myself more.

The sun was almost completely hidden by the hills that were behind my father and I. He told me last night that we had to meet this mysterious old friend in a place that was secluded. Whoever this person was didn’t want people to know or at least word to spread that they were coming to this planet. They were waiting for the cloak of darkness from the night to keep from staying eyes to see them landing.   
I heard a sigh escape from my father’s lips, I knew he must be wanting a drink. I glanced at him, allowing me to have one more image seared into my mind before I left him. He didn’t give me a clue as to who I was meeting or where I was going. So, I didn’t know when I would see him next if I ever did.

He caught me staring at him, so I quickly turned my head away in embarrassment. “They should be coming soon”, he said as the last rays of light hit the top of the trees on the opposite side of the open field where their ship was to land. 

Once I saw the first glimpses of stars, I picked up my bag and slung it over my shoulders. We heard someone entering the atmosphere, which caused us to look up. We didn’t see any lights or what sounded like a ship until it was close enough to land on us. As it was maneuvering around the field, locating a safe place to land, my father spun me to face him and took me by the shoulders with both hands.

“Nym, these past few years have been rough, but I want you to know that I will always love you”. Instead of hugging me, he gently squeezed my shoulders with both hands. 

When he released me, I noticed the lower hatch to the ship beginning to drop. White steam escaped from the sides, making it difficult to fully view who was walking down the ramp. 

My father removed something from under his shirt and from up around his neck. I turned to look at him again. In his hand was a milky to clear colored crystal the size of my smallest finger hanging on a piece of black, braided thread. He took my hand and placed it in my palm, wrapping my fingers around the crystal necklace. 

“This was your mother’s. It has been in her family for generations. Keep it safe.” With that he turned, picked up his own bag, and walked towards the hills behind us towards home.

Now was not the time to cry. I needed to face who was walking towards me. With it being night, I had difficulty still seeing who was going to take me away. It looked like two human figures with a small ball rolling alongside them. 

As they came closer I noticed one was a man and the other a woman. The woman was between the man and the visible droid. The woman was wearing a dark brown cloak with high collars to it. She was visibly older, with soft dark brown eyes and lighter hair that was beginning to grey. The man was wearing a brown jacket with similar colored pants and a white shirt. He had darker skin than the woman with darker hair and eyes too. I’m not very familiar with droids having only seen one or two in my lifetime, but this one was small with white and orange patches on its main body. Its head was able to rotate around the body as the droid rolled around. 

They came to a stop in front of me, both humans looking me up and down, the female had curiosity on her features while the male looked watchful and suspicious. The woman spoke first, “Hello Nymeria. You must have many questions, but we must leave immediately. Please, if you’ll follow us,” she gestured towards the ship, “I promise to answer all of your questions to the best of my abilities, but only until we are on our way.” 

She pulled her hand out from inside her cloak and flicked her wrist for me to follow. With the droid leading the way, and the man lagging, I took the first steps into my future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment your thoughts, concerns, ideas (I get writer's block often) and anything I mess up with (grammar and general Star Wars facts). I live in the Midwest of the USA. I'll try to post weekly, but I'm also desperately trying to get my bachelors so... I'm not promising anything.  
> This story is also posted on the Wattpad app under the same title.


	5. The Newest Arrival

Chapter 5 - The Newest Arrival

Stepping inside the ship, the woman gestured to one of the plush chairs towards the opposite end of the ship. Setting my duffle bag between my feet, I sat down on the cream-colored fabric. I don’t know much about ships because our planet’s landing port took a couple days to travel to. I remember when my brothers and father would prepare for the long trip to collect the materials they had ordered previously. So, I had no idea what type of ship this was.

The man walked by while still looking at me like I might get up and run away. He paused, like he was going to say something, but continued to the front towards the cockpit. He must be a pilot then. The woman walked up to me and signaled if she could have a seat. I just nodded my head; why would she ask to have a seat in her own ship?

As the ship began to leave the planet and prepare for hyperspace, the woman began speaking, “So, Nymeria. Where should we start? How about introductions, since I already know who you are. My name is General Leia Organa, I am the leader to the Resistance and I was once a good friend to your mother.

“I met your mother when we were children. She and her own father had come to visit my adopted father on Alderaan. While your mother was there, we quickly became friends. They would visit on and off for about five years before both of our fathers were finished with their business together. Before she left for the last time, she told me one of her darkest secrets. A secret that even her own family were unaware of.

“You see Nymeria, your family is one of the longest lineages of humans who were sensitive with the force. Their names were Arcinia”

She paused, allowing me to process this information. “My mother never said anything about her family. My brothers and I learned to not ask about her past” I replied while nervously tangling my fingers together.

“Your mother’s family was touched by the dark side, and those who were not were hunted down and killed. In the end, your mother was the last living descendent of the Arcinia’s, which is why she disappeared and went into hiding. Your mother escaped the slaughter of her family and came to your home planet. That is when she met your father and started her own family. She contacted me when you were born, knowing that you too were sensitive to the force.”

“So, none of my brothers were sensitive?”

“No, only you. Which means you are now the last descendent in your family. There are many different beings who would see you killed if they knew who you were. This is why your mother and I agreed that until you found your connection to the force, your mother would carry on as if you were not sensitive. She used the force to create a protective barrier around your mind to keep you from slipping towards the force and possible to the dark side” She paused again, waiting to see if I could handle any more information. I was now staring blankly at the wall opposite of where we were sitting. I thought about the band that I constantly felt around my thoughts when the General continued.

“After what happened a couple days ago, your father contacted me through a link that hasn’t been used in decades. He explained vaguely what had happened, but I understood what needed to be done.”

  
“Did he tell you about my mother?” I whispered.

“Yes, he did”, she sighed. Not only had I taken my mother from my brothers, but also from her friend. The burning area in my chest began to grow hotter. Sensing my unease, General Organa placed her hand onto mine.

“Nymeria, whatever happened that day was not your fault. You were only a child who did what she thought was best to do. Do not keep blaming yourself for something that you couldn’t possibly control.”  
I just stared down at my duffle bag. Nobody has ever told me that the accident was not my fault. I was the target my brothers had used to aim their anger at, especially Ghent. With one last pat to my hand, the General removed hers from mine. I didn’t know what to say to her, so we just sat in silence until we started to hear the ship being removed from hyperspace.

Once the pilot had landed the ship smoothly, the back hatch opened again. Walking out I was immediately hit with humidity. It felt as if I was walking underwater. It was night here as well, but I did notice the largest trees I have ever seen.

“I need to return to my duties, but Poe will take you to your room. Remember what I told you. I will see you again in the morning, Nymeria.”

I nodded my head in understanding. I then turned to the pilot who still didn’t seem like he trusted me.

“Nymeria is a bit of a mouthful don’t you think?” he asks as we begin to walk towards what looks like a storage building for the ships.

“Nym”

“What?”

“You can call me Nym”

“Hmm, that’s easier to say. I’m Poe.”

With that we continued towards the building in silence until the droid started to emit a beeping noise.

“I agree, but maybe the west side, it’s more secluded”, Poe said. I was confused as to who he was talking to when the droid started beeping again. It was then that I realized he could understand the droid.  
Fascinated I listened intently to their conversation, although I could only understand parts of it.

“Alright you win. The west side it is. Sheesh!”

The droid continued to roll beside us, but it was clear it’s attention was focused on me. I didn’t know what to do, so I looked forwards. Still sensing the thing looking at me I glanced sideways and saw that it was still focused intently on me.

“He doesn’t trust strangers. That’s why he is staring at you”, Poe says.

“Doesn’t it- “

“He”

“Doesn’t he know that it’s rude to stare?” I said, looking at the droid again, which is now looking away from me.

Poe doesn’t answer my question but continues to walk in front of one of the many buildings. “This is hanger number five. This is where we store some of the X-wings. This is the easiest way to reach your room, though everything connects with hallways and corridors below.”

We walk to the back of the hanger and go down a flight of stairs. “The floor right below is the maintenance area for the ships. Below that is where the mess hall, storage areas, meeting rooms, and council rooms are held. Finally, below that are the bunk rooms. General Organa asked specifically that you had your own room.”

We continued down the stairs until we stopped at a door labeled ‘C’. Poe opens the door and began to walk down a hall that had connecting hallways and multiple doors. _I’m going to get very lost very quickly._

“We usually have an elevator working so you don’t have to use the stairs, but this wing doesn’t get used very often so the need for the elevator to be fixed isn’t going to happen until someone of power decides it does.”

 _That seems stupid,_ I thought, but kept it to myself.

“So, it’s just down this hall and it’s the second hall to your right, then the fourth door to your left. Pretty simple.”

“Second right, fourth left. Got it.”

“Alright”, Poe said as he opens the door. “I’ll come back in the morning to bring you to the mess hall. Good night.”

With that he allowed me to walk in and he closes the door behind me. The room was small, but it was still bigger than the room over the shop at home. This thought brought tears to my eyes. I was not wanted by my family, so they just sent me away like a piece of worthless material. The burning in my chest began to grow until tears were streaming down my face and into my collar. I sat on the bed and sobbed into my hands.

I don’t know how long I sat there sobbing, but once the tears stopped I figured now was the best time to get ready for bed. Sniffling, I picked up my duffle and pulled out my nightgown. I looked around the room, trying to locate a sink to wash my face and prepare for the night. I saw a door to the right of the door that led into the hallway. Upon opening it I found it was a connecting bathroom with a shower, sink, and toilet. _Nice_

Once I was prepared for bed, I laid there listening for any sounds, but there was nothing, only silence. I rolled over onto my side and started to run my fingers lightly over my scar on my thigh. I did this every night as a reminder of what I had done. The burning in my chest had subsided after I cried, but it was still present as it always was. Slowly my eyelids closed as my mind became anxious for what will happen tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment your thoughts, concerns, ideas (I get writer's block often) and anything I mess up with (grammar and general Star Wars facts). I live in the Midwest of the USA. I'll try to post weekly, but I'm also desperately trying to get my bachelors so... I'm not promising anything.  
> This story is also posted on the Wattpad app under the same title.


	6. The Resistance Base

Chapter 6 - The Resistance Base

I woke up when I heard a little alarm coming from the wall next to the bed. I guessed it was motion censored because it turned off when I sat up to investigate it. I then stretched, rubbed the sleep from my eyes, and got out of bed.

Heading to the bathroom I found drawers inside the walls, which contained towels, washcloths, and bottles of soaps for my hair and skin. After taking a rather long, hot shower I got dressed and braided my curly hair into a single braid down my back. I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror.

I was lacing and buckling my boots when I heard a knock at my door. I hit the button to open it, which revealed Poe and his rolling side kick. “Are you ready?”

“As I’ll ever be”, I replied.

He raised a brow like a champion; _I wonder who taught him that?_ As my thoughts started to drift towards Zuke, Poe missed the hallway that lead to the stairs. He must have sensed my hesitation because he turned to look at me, “We are going to head to the mess hall. All of the halls connect underground. Also, the weather is pretty shitty due to a storm, so I decided we’ll take the tunnels. There is another flight of stairs to get to the mess hall a floor above us”

“Sounds good to me”

We walked for a bit in silence until Poe struck up the conversation again. “How did you sleep?”

“Pretty good, the room is nice”

“Good, I picked it out myself”

That comment led to what seemed like an angry amount of beeping from the droid. “Sorry, _we_ picked it out for you”

“How can you understand him?”

“I’ve known BB-8 for a while now, I guess just over time I learned to understand the hunk of metal” This was met by a content sounding tone from the orange and white droid.

“I’m sure you’ll pick up his different tones quick enough”, Poe comments, “We’re almost there”

I started to hear the wave of voices that were reverberating off the walls. As the crowd of voices grew louder, the more nervous I got. This would be the first time I was surrounded by strangers. I had no idea how much they knew about me and if they had already settled on an opinion about me. We turned a corner and entered a rather large hall that was filled with tables, chairs, and people. Many didn’t seem to notice or care when we walked in. Poe led us to a table towards the side of the hall and signaled me to sit down.

“I’m going to grab us a tray of food. BB-8 will stay with you”

I nodded in understanding, looking around me warily. For the first time since I was a child I wasn’t met with glares of hatred. Some looked at me curiously, but only for a moment before they returned to their food or personal conversations.

Poe finally came back with two trays piled with food and two cups of liquid. Whatever was on the trays smelled delicious. I tried to eat slowly, but everything was too good to not shovel down. Poe sort of stared at me for a second before chuckling to himself and began eating.

Once we were done Poe took the trays to the back of the hall where a conveyer belt took them back to be washed. “Alright, let’s get you to the council room to meet with the General”

We began our trek to the council meeting room where we were met with a group of people and General Organa.

“Aw, Nymeria. Welcome to the head council of the Resistance”

I nodded hello to the people in the room, who either looked at me with interest, distrust, or indifference.

“We meet here today to discuss your position with the Resistance. If you are to stay here with us, you must have a job to help support the cause. Hence, Nymeria, we would like to know if you have any specific requests for your future position”

 _Crap_ , I thought. My mind went blank. I started to play with my hands, not knowing where to look.

“I’m, um, pretty good at stealing stuff”

Some of the council members chuckled as did Poe who was standing behind me.

“That could come in handy in the future, but for now does anyone have any ideas or open applications for their divisions?” The General asked the group.

The room was met with a long pause. _Fucking great._

“I could use someone to man the cannons when I’m not on my X-wing”, Poe said. He walked up beside me and I glanced up at him with confusion.

The General looked at Poe, trying to see what he was up to. “Does anyone object to this?”

“Should we trust the girl to handle a weapon?”, one of the council members asked.

“I’ll teach her. I don’t expect her to go on missions immediately. Until I’m satisfied with her training I’ll report back to General Organa to see if she is able to continue on” said Poe with determination.  
This was met with several nodding heads and voices of agreement.

“It’s settled then. Congratulations Nymeria. You are now officially a part of the Resistance”

\-- 10 Years Later –

“Nym. We need to get out of here before their radio signals are back up” Poe’s voice was crackling through my earpiece. I’m choosing to ignore him. I’ve got to finish this mission and he is not going to stop me.

“Nym!”

“I hear you”, I whisper back. I’m almost to my destination. Our mission was simple: Get to a First Order controlled planet and extract information from one of their communication disks that will help us tap into their panels.

Speaking of which, I had roughly three minutes to grab the disk, return to Poe and the ship, and leave this planet. I was hiding behind a pillar when I heard multiple TIE-Fighters enter the atmosphere. Although it was dark, I could see that there were five fighters total.

“Son of a bitch”

“Don’t be calling my mother names”

“Poe, we have a slight problem”

There was a pause before I heard Poe’s reply, “I know, I see them. Forget about the disk, we need to go”

“Calm your tit-“ I stopped mid-sentence when I heard a group of Stormtroopers making their way to where the fighters were about to land.

I jogged while still ducking from pillar to pillar until I made it to a control panel that was perpendicular to where the ships were landing.

I plugged in one of the tech-stick things that one of the technicians at the base made that will download the contents from the First Order disks onto it.

“Nym, I know who’s ship that is and we need to leave now!” I could tell Poe was starting to panic, which he rarely did unless our situation was bad.

“Almost done” I replied. The green lights on the stick were almost fully lit, meaning it was almost done loading the content.

Hearing the ships land, I chanced a peak at who it was that made Poe panic. It was difficult due to the group of Stormtroopers surrounding the TIE-Fighters, but I wouldn’t be able to mistake who walked off the ship. There, standing in all his glory was Kylo Ren himself. He was wearing his signature cloak and menacing helmet.

 _Fucking fuck._ I swiveled back around towards the wall and noticed the stick was now fully lit. I removed it and began to retrace my steps back to Poe. I glanced behind me to check that nobody was following when I ran into two Stormtroopers. They immediately pointed their blasters and fired, but I ducked before their beams hit me while I swung my leg out under them in an arch, causing them to fall on their backs. I flicked out my blaster and with a blink of an eye I shot both in the chest.

_Shit-shit-shit-shit_

I heard yelling coming towards my direction and I knew I needed to get out of their quick.

“Nym! Nym I’m hearing shots fired”

“I’m alright, I’m sort of being followed by –“ I shot three more Stormtroopers in the chest, “a mini First Order army” I replied while running and firing my blaster at anybody that crossed my path.  
I felt pain in my right shoulder where one of the Stormtroopers hit me. _Fuck that stings_. I turned around to fire my blaster when I saw who was striding towards me. Kylo Ren had his crossguard lightsaber ignited and was walking in my direction. Running faster I yelled to Poe through our connection, “Poe! Get that ship ready. I’ve got company!”

“Already on it”

I raced to our rendezvous point where the ship was ready for take-off with the hatch lowered. I ran and jumped into the ship. Once Poe knew I was on board, he began to lift the hatch. I saw Ren was still walking at a fast pace in our direction. He looked up and I swear we made eye contact. When we looked at each other, I felt a presence similar to when I lost control with Ghent. Although, this particular presence was not as powerful or as dark as the last one. With the band that I constantly felt wrapped around my head, I knew whoever this presence was could not enter my mind.

The hatch finally closed, and Poe rammed the ship into hyperspace. The feeling of a third party disappeared once the hatch closed. _That was really fucking close._

“What were you thinking Nym? Each mission you get closer and closer to not coming home! You need to be more careful” Poe yells from the cockpit as I continue to lay on the floor while trying to catch my breath. Once we were coasting in hyperspace, I got up and walked to were Poe was sitting. I dangled the stick-thing in his face. He just glares at me but snatches the thing from my hand.

“Did you at least get it?”

“Yep. All of it” I replied with a smile. It must have been contagious because he starts to smile too.

“Just, don’t be so stupid next time”

“Oh, so you’re allowing me to go on another mission. How kind of you” I replied, faking offense.

He just glared at me again. He gave the stick back to me and gently eased us out of hyperspace back to our home; the Resistance base.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment your thoughts, concerns, ideas (I get writer's block often) and anything I mess up with (grammar and general Star Wars facts). I live in the Midwest of the USA. I'll try to post weekly, but I'm also desperately trying to get my bachelors so... I'm not promising anything.  
> This story is also posted on the Wattpad app under the same title.


	7. Getting Separated

Chapter 7 - Getting Separated

After landing the ship into one of the hangers, Poe and I walked down the two flights of stairs to the council room. Our mission was successful, although we left out the part of me being chased by one of the most feared beings in the galaxy.

I handed General Organa the stick that contained the First Order’s communication information. She smiled at me with such pride and relief for making it home from another mission. She took my shoulder and gave it a quick squeeze before turning back to the council to read and transcribe the information. Thankfully she looked away because I instantly went pale from pain. She had squeezed the same shoulder that was hit by the blaster and that Poe had wrapped up five minutes prior to the meeting.

I’ve learned many things throughout my stay on the Resistance base; the most important was that I was finally loved again. I could feel the pain and burning in my chest that was my self hatred begin to cool with each encouraging embrace from the General or the look of delight when I went on missions with Poe. These simple yet happy moments in my new life are what I cherish the most. Although my mother could never be replaced, the General has become close enough that I trusted her with my deepest thoughts and secrets.

Poe and the rest of the base doesn’t know about my past or that I was force sensitive. General Organa and I chose that this was for the best. We didn’t know if there were any spies located on the base or when I was on missions. I learned that there were still groups and different parties that would kill me once they knew that I was an Arcinia. Or, they might try to force me towards the dark side.

The invisible band (which is the best way to describe this damn thing) that my mother supposedly placed when I was a newborn was always a constant and I began to get headaches like my mother. General Organa noticed my struggle and started to train me to relieve the intense pressure by stretching this invisible band. She didn’t want me to stretch it too far that it would collapse like it did with Ghent and she didn’t want me to accidentally connect with someone that was also force sensitive in case they tried to locate the base.

I could feel the fear radiating off her when she was explaining this to me. So, we developed a tactic where I would only stretch this invisible band to allow the force to connect with me for a couple of seconds per day. This helped tremendously some days while others it just wasn’t enough.

This same band that was preventing me to connect with the force saved my life one day and thankfully nobody was around to witness it. I was taking a break from my lessons when I spotted the most perfect tree to climb. My father stopped my education after the incident, so for years I went without my once regular lessons. General Organa would have none of that, so she had me work on my mathematics as well as reading and writing in Aurebesh. She also had me practice my combat skills and I learned how to fire a blaster and a cannon from a ship.

Anyways, I was climbing this massive tree until I was able to see far beyond the base. I could see for miles. Eager to see more, I climbed higher to the branches that were not as sturdy. As I was climbing, one of the branches broke, causing me to dangle by one hand. I was too far away to call for help and my hand was holding precariously on the tree limb. My hand started to sweat, causing my fingers to slip and release the branch. I remember falling as the ground was rapidly getting closer. Although, instead of feeling the crunch of death upon my landing, I felt weightlessness. Opening my eyes, I found that I was hovering inches above the ground. Then, the band snapped back around my mind, causing me to land on my stomach and face.

“Nymeria”

I didn’t realize I had zoned out from the council meeting. “Yes?”

Trying not the crack a smile the General repeated her question, “Do you have anything further to add about the mission?”

“No ma’am. Everything went over smoothly”

I could hear Poe make a retorting noise with his throat, which caused the General to raise her eyebrow with suspicion. He instantly tried to cover the sound with a cough.

“Well, if that is all. Then you two are dismissed”

We both slightly bowed in respect and left the council room.

 

\--XX--

 

It has been almost two months since we had collected the communication data from the First Order. Out technicians have just decoded the information from the stick I gave them. Poe and I were given orders to report to the council room to debrief us on our next mission. I was practically bouncing with excitement.

“For this mission, I want you both to lay low. From the data that Nymeria collected, we were able to transcribe information that there is a First Oder spy located on the planet Takodana. I need you two to go there and try to interrogate and even capture this spy. We believe it to be Bazine Netal”, as the General said this an image of a woman came up on the hologram, “You have ten days to locate and remove the her.”

“Yes ma’am” Poe and I replied.

After collecting our supplies for the journey, we headed towards two unmarked ships; we didn’t want the entire planet to know we were the Resistance. We were given clearance to leave the base once we had loaded it with supplies.

After a few hours of travel, we landed on the planet Takodana. Poe landed his ship in a clearing far away from wondering eyes while I landed mine close to Maz Kanata’s castle. “Leave your things, we’ll just stay the night on your ship”, Poe said through my earpiece.

“Fine, but I call bottom bunk”

I waited until I heard Poe’s signature knock on the hatch. Once he dropped his things off in the ship we headed towards Maz Kanata’s famous castle.

The castle was said to be a refuge for certain individuals like those with a bounty. We had to leave our blasters hidden in the ship due to the no-weapon-no-violence rules. Once inside, we grabbed a drink and got a table in the back. We caught a few curious glances, but Poe and I played our acted parts of being a couple in love pretty well. This allowed us to move closer and talk to each other in whispers without causing attention. I felt Poe’s breath brush across my ear, “I don’t see anything yet, do you?”

“No” I replied, putting my hand up to fake a light laugh as if I he just told me a joke. I made a quick glance around the room when I spotted a woman with raven hair and pale skin to the left.

I started to play with Poe’s hand when I whispered my findings. He downed his drink and began to walk towards the bar to refill it. This was my cue to get up and fain being drunk. I “tipped”, causing my drink to spill right on the front of her blazer.

“Oh, my bad”, I said with a giggle and a hiccup, “here let me wipe it off.” I started to use my hands to wipe the drink that was now dripping off of her. While doing so I patted her down, feeling nothing in her blazer’s pockets. She grabbed me by the shoulders and pushed me off and into a table. The room suddenly grows quiet. She beings to stalk towards me with her fist raised when Poe steps between us.

“I apologize, my mate can’t seem to hold her drink. We were just leaving anyways”

Taking my hand, we left the castle and back to our ship.

“That was genius!” Poe practically yells once the hatch was locked shut.

“I do try”, I replied with a triumphant laugh.

That night we were still exaggerating how amazing our acting was until we finally fell asleep in the bunks.

In the morning, Poe went to grab us breakfast and to see if the woman was still around. He came back to report that she was acting as the girlfriend to Grummgar. I grimaced thinking how that pale woman could be with that orange, tusked faced brute. Once we ate we decided to head back to the bar. Netal was still standing by the same area, but she changed into a full body suit with a solid black headpiece that wrapped around her head and left only her face exposed. She made eye contact with us and began to speak into a mouthpiece.

_Son of a bitch_

Poe made a quick detour and quickly started to leave the bar area when we heard multiple TIE-Fighters coming into the atmosphere. I glanced behind me to see that Netal had disappeared. _Shit_. When we got outside, TIE-Fighters were preparing to land next to our ship.

_Shit-shit-shit-shit_.

“Split up, we can meet at my ship on the other side of this hill”, Poe said quickly.

We began to run in opposite directions. This planet was covered in forests, but not quite like the jungle back on the base. I ran quickly, but quietly through the forest until I felt more than I heard an explosion where the castle once stood. Fear began to prickle its way into my body, but I pushed it away. I removed the small blaster from my boot that I had hidden earlier this morning. There was no time to be afraid.

I came to an area where rocks surrounded me from three sides. _Fucking great. Guess I’ll have to climb_. I was about to move when I thought I heard footsteps. I froze, listening for anything. Suddenly, I heard a distinct humming noise in front of me. The same menacing being who I saw two months ago now stood in front of me again with his crossguard lightsaber. I tried shooting him with my blaster, but he easily deflected my shots. I quickly scrambled up the rocks before he could reach me.

I ran in the direction that I hoped was to Poe’s ship. Running faster than ever I didn’t see the ravine until it was too late. I began to tumble down until I landed hard on an edge of a rock. I gasped for air while the wind was knocked out of me. I looked up and there he was with his blood red lightsaber. I got up, feeling pain to my right thigh. Ignoring it I ran along the ravine where a small stream was flowing.

Running as fast as I could with a limp I continued to follow the stream until it led to the edge of a cliff. On the opposite side I saw the distinct shape of Poe’s ship.

I’m on the wrong side.

I turned back and saw that I was still being calmly followed by Kylo Ren and multiple Stormtroopers. I knew he couldn’t capture me. It was drilled into my head during my training that I can’t get captured because he could read my thoughts and I did not want to be leading an army to the Resistance base. And he couldn’t know about my mother’s family. Thinking quickly, I grasped the crystal my father gave me a lifetime ago and turned back towards the ship and the cliff’s edge.

I saw Poe in the distance watching me. I couldn’t look at him when I did this.

_I’m sorry_

I turned and faced my attacker. He was wearing all black with a cloak that covered his helmet in a hood. The Stormtroopers were now partly surrounding me with their blasters raised and aimed at me.

I could feel my heels hanging off the edge now. I knew what I had to do to protect the ones I have grown to love. I tucked my crystal back in my shirt and began to fall backwards with open arms.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment your thoughts, concerns, ideas (I get writer's block often) and anything I mess up with (grammar and general Star Wars facts). I live in the Midwest of the USA. I'll try to post weekly, but I'm also desperately trying to get my bachelors so... I'm not promising anything.  
> This story is also posted on the Wattpad app under the same title.


	8. The Interrogation

Chapter 8 - The Interrogation

I don’t know what I was expecting when I opened my eyes, but it sure wasn’t a room that was like a cell with what looked like various control panels scattered throughout the walls. I also didn’t expect to be leaning on a table that was partially reclined with my ankle and wrists entrapped in metal fasteners.

I don’t remember anything but falling off the cliff backwards, so how the hell did I get here? I struggled to wiggle my wrists out of the clasps, but they were too tight. I laid my head back on the table, thinking about where I was, what had happened, and what will happen. I was beginning to panic with anxiety when I heard the door behind me slide open.

There was only one set of footsteps that walked in and paused behind me. Because of my restraints I couldn’t turn to see who it was, although I didn’t have to because said person revealed themselves.

Walking in front of me was Kylo Ren. He was still in his cloak without the hood drawn up on his helmet, which he was also wearing. He also had a wide belt wrapped around his torso. He sat down in front of me with his forearm resting on his knees and his hands hanging between his legs as he leaned forward. He just stared at me and I back at him.

I don’t know how long we stayed in that position, but I refused to be the first to speak, and I assumed he thought the same. Finally, he broke the silence that was filling the cell.

“You are the one who took our communication apparatus two months ago. I assume you gave it to the Resistance”, he said. His voice was distorted by the terrifying mask that covered his entire head.

I didn’t reply to his comment, I just continued to stare at him. Feeling his annoyance at my silence, he got up and took a few strides towards me and the table I was attached to.

“You know I can get any information I want from you. It will be much easier if you just explained to me who you are and where the Resistance base is located”

I couldn’t move my head too much, but I was able to make my point when I turned my head away from him. This must have pissed him off because I immediately felt my entire body freeze. I couldn’t move anything but my eyes. I felt my head turn back towards him and his now outstretched hand.

_Shit-shit-shit-shit_

My body was released, but before I could sign in relief, he started to probe and pull my invisible band that was protecting my mind. I could feel him trying to remove it while I was trying to keep it on. I started to break out in sweat, with drops of it hitting my eyelashes and blurring my vision. I closed my eyes and concentrated on our internal fight. He was beginning to tear away the band by shredding it to pieces.

I was quickly beginning to lose this battle. I felt his claws grasp onto one of my memories that slipped past my barrier and into his clutches.

“You had brothers, and parents that own a shop”

I was getting weaker as he continued to destroy the protective band around my mind. Another memory slipped past my grip.

“A fabric shop”

I tried to bury the most precious memories that I had and those that were very important that he should never find once my barrier breaks.

“You have been the cause to most of our problems. You, and this pilot,” he dug further, “Poe. Both of you have created setbacks, but not enough to finish the First Order”

Tears were beginning to stream down my cheeks and into my shirt. I can’t keep this up much longer.

“You look at General Organa as a replacement for your mother. She would have disappointed you”

“Nobody will ever replace my mother” I said through clenched teeth. I was losing my grip on the band. He made a noise that must have been some sort of light chuckle, but his mask distorted the sound, making it more hostile.

Finally, my barrier broke and I was fully exposed to him and his burning clutches. It was as if he dived into the pool of my memories. I could feel him sift through the ones he thought were most important.

“You hate yourself, why?” He asked, but he hesitated on a memory which would answer his question. “You killed your mother”

It wasn’t a question. I choked on a sob, the burning in my chest growing as he replayed and watched the memory of a child losing her mother all over again. I couldn’t stand it and tried to push his sweltering claws from my mind, but to no avail.

He continued to keep his hand hovering over my head as he dug deeper into the memories I had tried to bury deep into my conscious.

“And you killed your brother”

Tears were continuing to stream down my face without stopping.

“Your family turned their backs on you because they feared you. Because they didn’t want you”

The pain in my head was excruciating, but he wouldn’t stop until he got the information he wanted.

I let out the smallest of whimpers before I could stop myself. I had to keep silent; I cannot show weakness.

The sound I made didn’t stop him from skipping over memory after memory. Although, he abruptly stopped in the middle of a single interaction. It was a conversation between myself and General Organa when she had taken me away from my home planet. My heart raced, and my hopes dropped when I heard him say this one specific word:

“Arcinia”

He quickly extracted his menacing claws from my mind as he turned and left the room, leaving me panting, sobbing, and in pain. My self hatred burned into an intense boiling throughout my body. I wasn’t strong enough to protect myself or the people of the Resistance. Reliving the moments that I had wished to forget the most was agonizing. Every detail, from the smoke of the burning house to the sound of Ghent’s blood dripping onto the shop’s floor, was re-experienced as if it just happened.

I don’t know how long I stayed locked to the table until I heard the door open again. I stiffened, thinking it was Kylo Ren to finish his digging when I noticed multiple pairs of footsteps. It was a pair of Stormtroopers instead. On stayed near, pointing his blaster at me while the other unlocked the fasteners to my ankles and wrists. They both then grabbed me under my arms and started to drag me from the cell. I noticed two more Stormtroopers were beginning to follow us as they took me to who knows where.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment your thoughts, concerns, ideas (I get writer's block often) and anything I mess up with (grammar and general Star Wars facts). I live in the Midwest of the USA. I'll try to post weekly, but I'm also desperately trying to get my bachelors so... I'm not promising anything.  
> This story is also posted on the Wattpad app under the same title.


	9. The Cell

Chapter 9 - The Cell

The cell I was put into was a simple rectangular room that contained a single metal shelf and a metal toilet. The two stormtroopers who had dragged me from the interrogation room dropped me unceremoniously onto the cold floor. I didn’t see them walk out, but I heard the door slide shut and lock.

I continued to lay on the floor, too weak to move. I laid there listening to my heartbeat slowly start to return to its normal rate while also listening to the quiet hum of the ship. I determined I must be on the First Order’s Finalizer.

Finally, I sat up once my arms that were under me began to lose feeling. Taking a more concentrated look at my cell I noticed the floors had thousands of miniature raised X shapes into the metal and when I glanced at the walls I noticed they were the same. At least the makeshift shelf of a bed was smooth.

I slowly got up, the pain in my leg causing me to take it slowly. Once on the bed I decided to locate and access my wounds. _Not bad_ , I thought to myself after looking at the damage. I only had a few minor abrasions and bruises on my arms, shoulders, torso, and parts of my legs. As for my right thigh, I found a moderate hematoma starting with a surrounding area of bruising just above my scar. _Better than any broken bones or lost limbs._

I decided to use my jacket as a makeshift pillow and tried to get as comfortable as possible, which was easier said than done. I felt like my mind was still on fire. I could still feel his burning fingers scrape across my mind digging for memories he deemed acceptable for information. The band that was ever present around my mind was slowly repairing itself from the massive intrusion it had experienced. I turned onto my side towards the wall, feeling involuntary hot tears running down my nose and into my ear and hair. Too tired to think further on my situation, I fell into a restless sleep.

I don’t know how long it was until I heard the door slide open again. With my back facing the door I didn’t see who it was, and at this point I didn’t care; I just wanted to sleep. I heard a scraping noise, which was followed by the door sliding shut and locking again. I rolled over and saw a metal tray with what looked to be like food and a metal cup with liquid. Ignoring it, I rolled back over and tried to sleep again.

Overtime, I head the tray being taken away and replaced twice. With this knowledge I assumed it was almost a full two days since I had been taken. I felt like I was going crazy, but I kept as calm as possible.

I started to feel disgusting. I needed a shower or a bath to wash my skin and unruly curly hair. _This is going to be a bitch to comb_.

 I was sitting up on the shelf when the fourth tray arrived via two Stormtroopers. The one carrying the tray hesitated when he saw me awake, but he came in, grabbed the still filled tray and replaced it with the fresh one. Once the door locked I got up stiffly and crouched by the food. I sniffed the contents of the cup first and not smelling anything atrocious I took a sip. After I had deemed it drinkable I downed the contents in a few long gulps. I then glanced at what could only be described as a grey lump. I poked my smallest finger in it and sniffed it. That too had no scent, so I licked it off my finger. It didn’t have a taste to it either, so I finished that too.

As soon as the tray was empty I returned to the bed. This would be a great time to test the strength of my newly formed band and see if I could connect with the force. Crossing my legs and leaning against the wall I began by taking deep, meditative breaths like the General had taught me all those years ago. Concentrating on that rubber band wrapped around my mind. I could feel the force as if it was waiting for me to stretch the band, allowing it to enter. Patiently it waited while I started to sweat from the excursion. The band seemed to be wrapped tenfold around my head, not allowing myself or the force to budge it. _Shit._

Giving up I dangled my legs off the shelf and thought of what to do with my spare time. Just when my eyes began to droop again, the door to the cell slid open. Thinking it was too soon to have the trays swapped I opened my eyes out of curiosity. When I did I audibly gasped. Standing and now striding towards me was the same man who’s claw like fingers scoured my mind.

He stopped about three feet from the shelf. He just stared at me from under his helmet, not saying anything. I was too scared to break eye contact and just sat there notably trembling.

“We are leaving”, he said. A Stormtrooper came in and placed cuffs around my wrists. With that he turned on his heels and started to walk back down the hallway away from the cell.

I got off the shelf stiffly, trying to keep up with him and his long strides. He must have noticed me falling behind because he slowed his pace so that I was able to soon catch up with him. After turning and twisting down multiple hallways we finally made it to our destination.

I looked behind Kylo Ren and found that we were in the largest hangers I had ever seen. It seemed as if hundreds of ships were just waiting to take off into space from the wide-open area that led into the massive darkness. I was too awestruck to notice that Kylo Ren had begun to walk down the steps to get to the landing bay where a ship looked prepared for takeoff.

After catching up with him again, I noticed a tall and slender man walk up besides the Knight of Ren. He was notably pale with flaming red hair. Only seeing one other person with this much fire in their hair I couldn’t help but stare.

“General Hux”, Kylo Ren said as he barely acknowledged his presence.

“We are close to our destination, you just need to travel down to the planet with your TIE-Fighter”, said the red-haired man.

The masked man didn’t say anything as he turned and began to walk up the hatch and into his ship. This was when General Hux, who looked like someone of power glanced at me. He seemed taken aback, but he quickly recovered and masked his face from any emotion. I bet I looked like absolute shit, which was probably why he looked shocked. He turned to leave, making that my cue to follow Ren into the ship.

“Sit and do not leave this position”, I was ordered by the voice in the mask. I sat down on one of the seats. I was struggling with putting the restraints on when Kylo Ren came over to me and buckled them. Even though he did this to keep me safe, my cheeks still flamed a deep crimson. He looked at me with the slightest tilt of his helmet in what I could only guess was curiosity. This only made my cheeks get even more red. I removed my eyes from his mask and looked towards the cockpit. He got up and sat on the opposite wall, but he didn’t lock himself in place. With that the ship took off from the Star Destroyer and to our destination.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment your thoughts, concerns, ideas (I get writer's block often) and anything I mess up with (grammar and general Star Wars facts). I live in the Midwest of the USA. I'll try to post weekly, but I'm also desperately trying to get my bachelors so... I'm not promising anything.  
> This story is also posted on the Wattpad app under the same title.


	10. A Supernova of Power

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, if you by any chance have already read "chapter 11 - the recovery"... that was an accident. I'm ahead in the chapters and I sort of added the wrong chapter. I am so sorry. THIS chapter should be the correct one.

Chapter 10 - A Supernova of Power

We landed with a dull thud. _Poe would have done a better job._

As the hatch began to lower, I was unbuckled from my seat by Kylo Ren. I watch his hands move to unclasp the buckle instead of looking through the eyepiece of his mask. Once released he steps back, allowing me to get up from the seat and walk down the ramp. Once outside I was met by a slight cool breeze mixed with the warm air. It felt like the time for the harvest on my home planet. I looked around and I immediately recognized where we had landed. I was standing close to where I last saw my father.

I was home.

I looked back at the TIE-Fighter and at Kylo Ren, who was beginning to walk down the hatch. He came up to me, took my wrists, and unclasped the cuffs. _Is he dropping me off? What is he doing?_ As if reading my mind, which I’m sure he was, he answered, “You need to see something.”

This comment made me instantly anxious. Without thinking I began to run towards the hills and towards the town I once called home. Where we had landed was the same clearing that General Organa and Poe had picked me up about ten years ago. It took about a day’s journey to get from the clearing back to my home.

Taking off I heard the Stormtroopers who followed us in different ships begin to raise their blasters and point them at me. Ren must have stopped them with a hand signal because I didn’t hear them fire.

I know he and a group of Stormtroopers were following me through the forest, but I didn’t care. I was going home. I thought about Delmon and Kael, but most of all I thought about Zuke. My brothers were many years older than me when I was born, so I hoped that Zuke had found someone special and had started a family. Thinking about this possibility made me pick up my pace. I was excited to finally see my family.

General Organa thought it would be best that I had stopped all forms of contact and communication with my family after what happened with Ghent. She said this was a request made by my father, which she had agreed with. It was hard not having contact with them at first, but soon the void that was made when I left them was slowly being filled by the people that made the Resistance.

I started to grow tired when I noticed light was beginning to emerge from the trees behind me and the group that was following me. I knew I was getting closer to the place I once called home.

I made it to a clearing that I had spent many hours exploring as a child, but something was missing. It took me a moment to notice how there wasn’t a single insect or creature that was making a noise. An eerily quiet hush was blanketed over the area.

Although it was getting brighter out, I felt more than saw a heavy darkness surround me. I now walked through the heaviness until I started to see the tops of different buildings that made up the edges of the town. Something just didn’t seem to sit right as I continued my journey towards the center of the town. My feet soon switched from dirt to cobblestone as I made it through the more populated areas. Or what should have been populated; not a soul was in sight.

I finally breached the center of town and what I was met with nearly had me collapse to my knees.

It seemed the majority of town had gathered at the center. A linear row of bodies could be perceived as if a firing squad had finished them. This must have caused chaos because scattered throughout were decayed bodies of men, women, and even children. They were everywhere, like they were trying to run away, but were not fast enough. They had no weapons, so whoever attacked were killing innocent people.

Looking around at the bodies, I noticed the buildings were charred, like they were burned long ago. The cobblestones were splattered with dried blood that had turned a brownish color.

Footsteps approach me from behind and I knew who it was without having to physically look at him.

“Who did this?”

“You would be surprised.”

I turned my body to look at him fully, “Who. Did. This?”

“The Resistance.”

No. No that couldn’t be possible. No.

“They didn’t want information about you spreading, so they exterminated the planet.”

“No”, I whispered. No. General Organa wouldn’t do this, would she? She protected me, but was she really? She raised me, but she also took me from my family.

Thoughts were streaming by me, not giving me the chance to comprehend anything.

_The shop_

I began to run towards my father’s shop. I found it located in the ring of different vendor booths and other shops that were empty, burned, and destroyed. I made it to the door that was ajar and pushed it open. The bell that signified a customer gently made its noise like it had so many years ago. Everything was in chaos, but I ignored it as I went towards the back of the store. With Kylo Ren still following me silently, I managed to climb over the fallen shelves to the counter.

_No_

Behind the counter laid a body face down with a small blaster that we kept under the front counter lying next to his hand. Based on his physique I could only guess it was Delmon. He must have been using the counter as protection, but he was injured in the torso, because the fabric of his shirt was stained in the center of his back.

I backed up, trying not to hyperventilate. I climbed over broken furniture as I made it towards the back room. It looked as if Delmon tried to block the door with the shelves and furniture of the back room, which was pushed away by the Resistance. I walked slowly through the door, fearing what I will find.

Even with his body deteriorating, I could still recognize my father. He was against the wall, slumped over. There was a trail of blood from the doorway to his body, showing that he must have crawled towards Kael, who’s head was in my father’s lap.

I walked over to their bodies, hovering my hands to both their faces. But I couldn’t bring myself to touch them.

This is all my fault.

I went upstairs, my heart pounding in my ears, not knowing if I’ll find Zuke at the top. I looked through each of the three rooms and entering the third I found a decaying woman clutching a small form in her arms. Both had stains of red on their fabrics like the men downstairs.

I backed up into the hallway, slumping down onto the floor. Tears began to slide down my cheek and into my shirt collar. Kylo Ren crouched down next to me so that the eyepiece of his helmet was level with my face.

“This was why the General cut communication with your family. This was why the Resistance cannot be trusted.”

“Get away from me”, I whispered angerly. I wanted to be alone to morn my family. Thinking this I still hadn’t found Zuke or his bod-

No, I can’t think about that.

Standing up I knew I had one more place to look. Leaving the shop and being followed by my ever-present group, I began to walk down a path I hadn’t walked down in almost twenty years. I remember it taking 1,823 seconds from the home my parents built to town. It didn’t take me this long because I was jogging with my now adult legs.

Turning the last corner, I finally saw it, though I hesitated. The house had been repaired and restored from the fire that had destroyed over half of the original home. I opened the front door and walked in.

My shadow was cast throughout the room upon entering the doorway. Even with my shadow covering them, I could still make out my brother and what I expected was his family. There was a woman lying on her back to the right. Dead center was what looked to be my brother clutching two small children. It was difficult to make out Zuke’s features because it seemed like someone had pointed their blaster where I was standing and shot him in the forehead. He had dried blood that had run down his face. The children that were cradled in his arms had been shot in their torsos.

I stumbled backwards out the door, slowly starting to feel the panic kick in with the shock of finding the rest of my family dead.

The barrier that my mother had placed around me slipped away like a feather on a gentle breeze. The rage and the burning hatred I had for myself and now for the Resistance grew until it blurred my vision. Kylo Ren began to walk towards me, but I didn’t want to look at or speak to anyone.

I wanted to cease existing.

I wanted to die.

\--

The woman stood there, her brown curls were scattered around her tear-stained face as she glared at the masked man walking towards her. She had her hands grabbing onto her hair, trying to make sense of what she just found. Trying to wrap her thoughts around the Resistance becoming her enemy. She dropped her hands from her scalp to her sides, causing a wave of energy to push the masked man and the Stormtroopers to the ground. The force the woman created continued to push the First Order’s soldiers back even after they had fallen. The Knight of Ren was able to recover quicker than the identical soldiers.

The woman had a rippled of energy surrounding her as she looked around the area until her eyes landed on the Star Destroyer that was hovering over the atmosphere, waiting for their return. The massive triangle shape ship was pointed towards the planet. The rage within her needed to destroy something, and what better than the hovering ship? She raised her right hand towards the _Finalizer_ , feeling as if the massive ship was in her hands. She could physically feel the pulsating hum the engines created. She could feel the thousands of workers, Stormtroopers, and various employees on the ship, although she focused on the thoughts of one specific red-haired General.

This same General was standing in the control room, slowly getting impatient. He was on a tight schedule and this little field trip was making him fall behind. He glared down at the small planet that Ren and the dirty faced, yet almost beautiful, woman traveled to. His hands were clasped behind his back and his feet were shoulder length apart. Standing at attention like this caused him to fall to his side when the Finalizer made an abrupt movement.

He quickly regained his composure when he noticed that everyone else had either stumbled or fallen. Nobody was at their stations, yet the ship continued to move towards the planet. If he didn’t stop its movement now, then the entire ship will be destroyed when it hits the planet. He quickly stated a command that thrusted the ship backwards, yet whatever was causing the ship to move was too powerful. Beginning to panic slightly, the General yelled orders at whoever was listening to figure out how the hell this ship was moving.

The woman continued to pull on the ship with both hands. The panic thoughts of countless beings caused the woman to tighten her grasp. She needed to feel the chaos that was beginning to shroud the ship. She could feel it trying to escape her grasps, but she was unrelenting. Rage was rippling off her in surges of power, but she was feeling the touch of weakness crawling up her extremities and into her body. She didn’t notice the blood running from her nose and ears until after she released the _Finalizer_ and collapse onto her knees.

 

\--

 

It was like I was traveling at light speed; all I could see were flashes of people I knew and those who were strangers. There were Star Destroyers and X-Wings. There was a planet that had many islands. A woman with purple hair controlling a Star Cruiser. A metal planet that emitted a green beam. There was a girl, surrounded by sand. A dark red lightsaber turning pure white. A dark hair child in General Organa’s arms. A blue-eyed female with white face paint. A red and blue lightsaber connecting in a fight. So many things all being slammed into flashes of images that were crossing my vision. They came and went, not allowing me to focus on any of them.

Then there was nothing. A cold, dark, absolute nothing.

 

\--

 

All I could hear was the sound of me panting and the blood that was pounding behind my ears. I was now on my knees with my head hanging down.

 _When did I fall to my knees?_ I opened my eyes. _Where is that blood coming from?_ I wiped at my nose, which answered my question. I looked up. _Why are the Stormtroopers laying on the ground?_ _Why am I so cold_?

I crumpled to my side, feeling the band replace itself around me. I saw a pair of black boots begin to walk towards me, but my eyelids were getting too heavy to keep open.

Then, there was only darkness.


	11. Recovery

Chapter 11 - Recovery

I felt cold seep into my skin, muscles, and bones. I let the cold overcome all of my senses. I hope this was death, just this empty cold feeling. Unconsciousness kept knocking on my mental door and I had left it wide open, allowing my mind peace. Time was an illusion. I didn’t feel anything other than the cold. My physical body had just disappeared and what was left was my subconsciousness drifting through the cold darkness, occasionally brushing the tip of a memory. What pulled me from this darkness was a lullaby. I didn’t want to focus on the sound, but it lured me towards it like a magnet. I couldn’t place where I had heard this lullaby, but it had a familiarity to it that eased my aching soul. The cold was pushed away with each verse while warmth began to flood in. The light was pulling me towards consciousness, but I was reluctant at first. I didn’t want to go back, knowing the pain that I had to face. But, I eventually gave in.

 

\--

 

I felt like I was slammed back into my body. I woke up, hearing an annoying noise escalating its tone. This made me open my eyes to an unbearably bright light, which made me automatically close my eyes. I wanted to use my arm to cover my face, but it was strapped to the bed. The sound was getting louder, and as it did I heard a large group of people begin to surround me and touch me.

 _Stop fucking touching me,_ I thought. I wanted to say it, but something was blocking me from using my vocal cords. I tried moving my hands for the second time to feel what it was but again, I felt them stop, like I was strapped to the bars that made the rails on the bed.

I cracked my eyes a little, allowing them to slowly adjust to the stupid light. The people that were surrounding me kept touching and poking me, which was pissing me off. I wanted to smack their hands away and tell them to leave me alone, but I was unable to, which ticked me off even more.

I finally got my eyes to fully open, which allowed me to look only at the ceiling. My head was apparently strapped down too. I glanced at the faces of masked covered medical personnel whenever they came into my view, trying to glare at them with as much hate that I could come up with in my situation. Finally, the room quieted down, and so did that annoying noise. I realized that this was my heart monitor.

I kept pulling on my hands and even ankles to try to get someone to actually look at me in the eyes, but I was ignored. Each person left after they individually assessed me, until I was left alone with one person. I could tell she was female, even though the majority of her face was covered by a mask. I noticed I still couldn’t speak due to the tube that must be keeping me breathing. This female finally looked at me, and not just a glance to see that I was functioning, but really looked at me.

“I’m sorry”, was all she said before she injected me with a pale white solution inside a syringe.

_What the fuck do… you think… you’re…._

 

\--

 

The cold didn’t return to my body and mind like it did that first time, even though I fell into unconsciousness multiple times. I think I start to panic whenever I would wake because my monitor would rapidly start to beep, causing a miniature army of medical personnel to enter my room. Each time I woke, I noticed one less piece of medical equipment attached to me. The second time I woke, the tube that was down my trachea had been removed, yet my vocal cords were still too sore to use. The third, fourth, and fifth time the different IV lines were taken out of my arms, only leaving behind bruises the size of a peggat.

By the sixth time I came to consciousness, I was more reclined then laying fully on the bed. The Velcro strap that held my head down was removed too, but my extremities were still locked in place. Without lying flat, I was allowed to finally take a look at the room. To the left there was a counter the length of the wall that had cabinets on top and bottom. To the right was another bed that was empty while this also had the door which lead out of the room. Other than the table and various monitors that was next to my bed, those were the only items the room contained.

By the third time I regained consciousness, I was able to put the pieces together. I don’t quite remember how I managed to make it to this bed, but I do remember everything before this vividly. The memories of finding Delmon, Kael, Father, and finally Zuke crashed into me repeatedly. Each time the memories hit me, I felt like pieces of my soul were being cut into ribbons, which floated away leaving me in a tattered mess. The ever present self hatred continuously burned and sometimes flared inside of me. My self inflicted inferno was the partial reason to why I kept falling unconscious.

Each time I thought about my family and how I lead each of them to their deaths, my heart monitor would spike. This lead to the swarm of medical staff to come into my room to see as to why my heart rate kept spiking. Each time they entered, the same female employee would apologize before injecting me with the pale white solution. This would eventually lead to my body and mind being insensible to the world.

Although, the times I were awake and not succumbed to darkness or atrocious memories, I would have time to think about my situation. As hard as it was for me to fully grasp what the Resistance did, I was still able to hate them. My brutal hate for them was my only will to live; I need to avenge my family. I need each of them to feel my betrayal. I need them too feel my revulsion and disgust towards them. I need them to understand what they did to me.

Even though I had my hate towards the Resistance sorted out, I still don’t know how I was going to place my revenge on them. I could possibly accomplish this on my own, but I was still a prisoner with the First Order. I could try to get them to take me, train me, and help me destroy our common enemy, but I just couldn’t see this happening.

My mind was wrapping around these ideas when the female staff came in with the familiar syringe. I physically cringed away from her, which caused her to look up and see me wide awake. She took a step back in fear, almost dropping the syringe on the ground.

“You’re not supposed to be awake yet.”

“But I am, so what are you going to do?” I replied with a raised brow. My voice was still raspy, but it was clear enough to understand. I could see that she was visibly trembling. Deep down I wanted to comfort her, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

“I- I have to- um-“, her voice was quivering to the point I couldn’t understand her, but I didn’t have to because she practically ran out of the room.

I went back to my thoughts for a bit when the door opened to bring me a new visitor. This person was someone I never would have thought to show up to my recovery room.


	12. Relocating Spaces

“What did you do to that poor nurse?” General Hux asked when he stopped at the foot of my bed.

I would have crossed my arms over my chest, but the restraints were preventing me from doing much other than glare at the man.

“You’re actually not supposed to be awake yet until we got you situated into another room. Also, you look atrocious”, he said, sneering.

I’m sure I did look like absolute shit, though I do not care about the opinion of a certain red hair General. “How long have I been here?”

“Doesn’t matter, what does is that you’re being discharged from the medical wing and I’m to escort you to a room”, He said while looking down at his tablet.

“Don’t make me ask you again.”

“Don’t make me say it again”, he replied without glancing up at me.

I rolled my eyes, which was the only sass I had left that wasn’t strapped to the bed. Which reminded me; I began to annoyingly hit the edge of the bed with my restraints like the pain in the ass I was true to be. Hux finally looked up and watched me. He continued to type on his tablet until he couldn’t stand the noise any longer.

“ _Alright_! Just please stop.”

“Remove them”, I demanded, sticking my foot out to him.

He grimaced when he saw my feet, which I’m sure smelled. He turned to the wall behind him and removed a control panel, which was hidden in the wall. He tapped a few buttons and pushed the panel away. Within seconds three male medical staff came in. One stood with the familiar syringe by the door while the other two began to remove my extremities from the restraints. Finally, with having my hands free I tried to brush my unruly hair down to no avail.

_Whelp, it is what it is_

One of the staff members dropped the railing so that I could swing my legs over the side and get up. I went to stand and almost fell onto my face, which luckily one of the staff members caught me. My body must have been weaker than I originally thought.

Hux watched the whole ordeal while still smirking at the end of the bed. I was helped back onto the bed with my legs hanging off the edge. The second staff member who didn’t have the syringe gave me various capsules and tablets with a glass of clear liquid.

“These three will give your body some needed strength”, he said while handing me three green capsules, “while these two will help with your internal wounds”, he said while giving me two white, oval tablets, “finally, these are for any possible infections”, he said while handing me another set of white, circular tablets. I quickly took the medicine with the help of the liquid.

Immediately feeling a slight burst of vitality, I slowly got down from the bed alone. _You’ve got this, just take it easy._ I shuffled a couple steps to the other bed without difficulty. I was proud of myself until Hux broke my little bubble.

“I’m on a tight schedule, are you ready yet?”

I turned to glare at him but nodded. He began to walk out of the room with long precise strides with me tailing behind him.

Unlike Kylo Ren, General Hux didn’t slow down when I lagged behind. So, I tried to keep my pace steady while also starting to break out in a sweat. My weak body couldn’t keep this pace much longer.

Hux stopped abruptly in the middle of the hallway, causing me to almost run into his back. I didn’t notice why he stopped until I heard the voice. It was a metallic voice that I was all too familiar with. I wasn’t listening to the conversation until I heard Hux say my name.

“I’m taking Nymeria to her assigned room, then I’ll be back to discuss the details with the Supreme Leader.”

Kylo Ren just nodded his head as Hux droned on, but his helmet was focused on me. I’m sure my face showed bright crimson. Getting nervous I looked down at my feet, which were only covered by thin socks. That’s when I noticed my paper-like scrubs. I’m sure I was one hell of a site. I haven’t showered in I don’t know how long and I’m sure I smelled terrible too. This caused me to be even more embarrassed and my face turned darker.

I looked up under my lashes and saw that he was still staring at me while Hux was too busy looking at his tablet. He tilted his head slightly, like he did in the ship when my face flushed after he buckled me in my seat.

_Come on Hux! Move your ass!_

Finally, the General wrapped up his mini meeting. He made a slight bow towards Kylo and began to walk off. Ren was still looking at me and I back, I didn’t notice that Hux had turned the corner down the hall. I made a quick polite nod of my head and scurried after Hux, but not too fast that my overlarge scrubs would fall, and mooning Kylo Ren would be the last thing I wanted to do.

 

\--

 

“… and this is your tablet, it’s pretty simple to configure. Oh, and this is your hologram device. You just click here…” General Hux continued to explain the technological devices throughout my supposedly new room. While he went on explaining things that I honestly could care less of, I began to look around the room. It was simple enough, though it was larger than my room on the Resistance base.

When walking into the room, there was a bed at the opposite wall that was slightly to the left while a rectangle window showed the view from outside the Finalizer on the far wall. To the left there was a wardrobe looking furniture against the wall that the door was on. Over to the right wall was the desk where Hux was standing next to.

“I take it you’re not listening?” He asked with signature smirk.

“You’re correct.”

He must have counted backwards from ten because he hesitated before replying, “alright then, I’ll leave you to it. You have a meeting in the morning with Ren and myself.”

“What will it be over?”

“Your position with the First Order”, with that he looked me over once more before taking his leave.

Finally feeling the effects of the medicine wear off, I debated on just going straight to bed or taking a shower. I decided that my hair needed a good scrub and so did my body, so shower it was. I didn’t notice there was a door on the left wall until I got closer to it. Opening it revealed a complete bathroom.

I removed the scrubs and my socks. I wasn’t in any undergarments, but I still looked at my reflection in the floor length mirror.  _I must have been out for at least a month_ I thought when I looked at my body. I wasn’t usually labeled as thin, but the woman standing in front of me looked like she had been starved. I could see my ribs and even a little of my hip bones. My collar bone was jutting out under my throat while my breasts were also notably smaller.

My scars were also very noticeable. The one on my right arm from where Ghent tried to cut my arm off has faded in color, but it still looked like my skin was creased and then haphazardly sewed together. My blaster wound to my right shoulder had healed completely, but still left a scar.

I had a faint bruise to my right thigh from when I fell down the ravine on Takodana. The burn I received as a child made my left thigh atrocious. I finally looked myself in the eyes through the mirror. My face had slimed down too, but not in a healthy way. There was another scar over my left eyebrow from when Ghent kicked me in the head. I looked absolutely terrible.

I turned, unable to look at my broken body any longer. I opened the various cabinets until I found the soap I desperately needed. I went over to the shower, which took me a while to figure out how to turn it on. Once I was able to make the water hot enough, I submerged myself in the water.

I took one of the longest showers of my life, making sure I scrubbed my scalp and skin until they were red. Once I was done, I got out and wrapped myself in a black, oversized towel. Once I dried off and scrunched my curls, I placed a black robe around me. I was not going to put those dirty scrubs back on. I walked out of the bathroom and turned towards the wardrobe on the right. I was digging through it to find some sort of nightgown when I felt more than heard someone behind me.

I slowly turned around while clutching my chest. Leaning against my desk on the opposite side of the room was Kylo Ren.


	13. The Meeting

I couldn’t scream, even if I wanted to. My vocal cords where not healed enough from the length of disuse and from the breathing tube. I instinctively pulled the robe tighter in the middle then crossed my arms over my chest.

“What are you doing here?”

He continued to lean against the desk with his arms folded too, “I came to explain the meeting we’re going to have tomorrow.”

“It couldn’t wait until then.”

“We wouldn’t have the time.”

“Can I at least get changed before you start to explain?”

He dropped his hands to the desk on either side of his hips. He then started to drum his fingers on the desk, which I immediately guessed was annoyance.

“Or not. That works too”, I said quickly. I continued to stand there with my arms crossed to prevent the twins from making a surprise appearance.

“I will set an alarm for you in the morning. You’ll have fifteen minutes before Hux comes to bring you to the Supreme Leader, who will make his examination, which upon completion, will determine if you are to stay”, he stated with his metallic voice.

“Or if I am to be exterminated”, I said, now looking down at my bear feet.

He didn’t reply, but he did tilt his helmet like he did in the hallway, “Yes, or you will be exterminated. Although I have the upmost confidence that you will succeed his examination. When you do pass-“

“ _If_ I pass”

“Do not interrupt me!” He declared, standing to his full height. He took a step towards me, which made me step back into the wardrobe behind me. He continued to walk towards me until he was in front of me. He was a good foot taller than I was, which allowed him to tower over me. I couldn’t stop the tremor that ran down my spine when he got this close to me.

“When you _do pass_ , you will show the upmost respect to the Supreme Leader and to myself. You are to follow every command. Do you understand?”

I couldn’t trust myself to speak, so I quickly nodded my head.

He took a step back, “Good. I’ll see you at the meeting.”

Kylo Ren turned on his heels and stalked away from me towards the door. Before he reached it though, he said, “Also, you will be announced as my apprentice tomorrow after the meeting “, with that he left me trembling alone.

I slid down the wardrobe until I was sitting on the floor with my legs extended in front of me. I sat there for a bit, collecting my thoughts and the exchange I just had with the Commander of the First Order.

Finally, when my ass started to fall asleep, I got up and put on my nightgown I found in the drawer and crawled into bed.

 

\--

 

I woke up to an annoying beeping, realizing it was the alarm. I sat up, which turned it off. I just wanted to go back to bed, but Hux was supposed to be here soon, so I got up and made my way to the bathroom to start my morning routine.

After clipping the top part of my curls back and away from my face, I left the bathroom to dig through the wardrobe.

Inside I found a pair of black leggings that I tucked inside of my socks before I pulled on a pair of grey boots. I then found a tank-top and a simple black shirt with the First Order symbol on the right sleeve. I laced and buckled the boots while leaning against the wardrobe when I heard a knock on the door before the red hair General walked in.

“Ah, good. You’re ready to leave I presume?”

“Yes”, I said before following him out into the hallway. I walked behind him in silence, which seemed to suit us both. Finally, we stopped at a set of double doors being guarded by a pair of Stormtroopers, who opened them for us.

I couldn’t see much when I originally entered the large room, but my eyes quickly adjusted. I also didn’t notice the tall male standing to the side. But I was too distracted by what was in front of me. Sitting in a towering throne that took up most of the room was a hologram of a pale, disformed creature whose presence demanded attention. I felt as if I knew this presence, like I had met it before. I was too busy trying to dig through my mind thinking when I would have seen this ugly alien before when the hologram raised his right arm and closed his claw like fingers in the air.

I felt like I was being strangled, but no hands were near my throat. I clawed at my trachea, trying to push off whatever was strangling me. I felt my feet leaving the ground as I was raised up. I was beginning to see spots dance across my vision when I was released. I fell to my hands and knees, gasping for breath.

“You are weak for someone who is sensitive to the force”, a deep, echoing voice proclaimed, “I am surprised you are so feeble, especially with your lineage.”

I looked up at the creature while still catching my breath. I finally got back to my feet while still glaring at him.

“Your anger fuels your power. Let it envelope you until you are succumbed by the dark side.”

The Supreme Leader was leaning forwards in his throne with attentiveness. He was looking at me like I was something for sale, which pissed me off.

The band around my mind felt like someone was pushing it off. I raised my brow at the creature, feeling as if he was the one trying to penetrate my mind. This was when I remembered where I felt such a presence before.

My eyes widen, remembering that day so vividly, “You were there when I attacked my brother. I remember feeling a darkness, that was you.”

“Yes” he replied, leaning back into his throne, “There is an untapped source of power in you, you just need to learn to control it. I’m sure my apprentice has already explained that he will train you in the force.”

I nodded my head; I almost forgot about our conversation the day before. I had so many questions to ask, but I knew this was not the time nor person to ask. Though I did have one particular question in mind, “Will I be trained to destroy the Resistance?”

“In time, yes.”

The seed for my revenge has been planted and I will wait patiently until it is ready to be harvested. I let the rage inside wash over me until it was all I felt. “Then I am yours to command” I replied.

“Remember the code that the Sith followed. Let the force set you free through your hatred. Let it break your chains. Prove to me that you are willing to follow the dark side. You may leave, Officer Arcinia.”


	14. The Training Room

I turned to leave the hologram throne room when I saw a man standing by General Hux. I didn’t recognize who it was until he bowed to the hologram and put his helmet into place. I couldn’t see any details of his face, but I did notice how pale and tired he looked.

Kylo Ren waited until I was near before he turned to exit the room. The General stayed behind to report other findings to the Supreme Leader. We walked for a while in silence. I was too busy thinking about the meeting with Snoke. He was terrifying to look at and to speak to. I began to shiver from an unknown chill, which followed to me starting to hyperventilate in the middle of the hall. I needed to breath. I stopped to hold onto the wall with my hand, trying to keep my balance. I then leaned my back into the wall, trying to catch my breath. I felt like my entire world was crumbling around me. Everything from my mother’s death, to being kidnapped, to the interrogation, to the ultimate betrayal from the people that I love, to the encounter with Snoke came crashing down into me.

I didn’t realize I was crying until I put my hands on my face while still leaning against the wall. I was sobbing in the middle of a hallway that was somewhere on the First Order’s Star Destroyer. I am pitiful. The wave of burning that was constantly in my chest spread like fire. I hate myself to the point that I just wanted to cease existing. Everything I touch seems to disintegrate in my hands.

I was still hyperventilating and crying when I felt a cool hand on my shoulder. I wiped my tears away with the back of my hand. I straightened my back and wiped another set of tears away. I sniffed one last time before I nodded my head at Ren, who still had his hand on my shoulder. He hesitated before releasing my shoulder and walking further down the hall with me following him.

 

\--

 

I was lead back to my room, where a tray of food was waiting for me on the desk. Kylo Ren left me to eat alone, but stated he was coming back in a few hours to begin my training. After eating, I pushed the tray aside and began look at my tablet. There were hundreds of different files that I had access to, some of which were short clips of the galaxies’ history. I was watching one about the extinction of the Sith when my door opened.

“I’m taking you to the training room”, the metallic voice explained.

I stretched when I got up, not realizing I was sitting there for almost three hours. I turned back to my door and found it empty.

_Shit, he left already_

I scurried out the door, almost tripping on my boots and falling into the hallway. I looked left, then right and saw him turn the corner down the hall. My room’s door closed automatically when I ran after him. I finally caught up, but just barely. I was readjusting my shirt hem when he stopped to enter the training room.

I followed after him but paused in the doorway. The first thing I saw was the large window on the opposite wall and how it showed the dark galaxy beyond it. To the left was a wall covered with different training weapons while the right had various work-out machines. The floor in the middle was covered by a mat. The room was large enough to support a miniature legion of Stormtroopers.

“You will arrive here twice a day. Once will be during the early hours where you will exercise using the equipment. You will break for a meal, study, and to rest back in your own room. In the later hours of the day you will return here to train with me.”

I was looking out at the stars while he was explaining my new schedule.

“Nymeria.”

I was startled back into reality when he said my name. Him saying my name with his mask echoed in my mind. I turned to face him, “I understand.”

“We will start with hand-to-hand combat. Step onto the mat.”

 _Shit_ , _he wants to begin now?_

He showed me how to hold my stance and to protect my face, which didn’t prevent him from hitting me. I tried everything in me to protect myself without running away.

He went to punch my shoulder, but I was able to move out of his way. I got distracted by my thoughts on how I finally prevented him from hitting me, which allowed him to grab me and twist me around so that my back was against his chest. He quickly wrapped his arm around my throat, choking me. I tried hitting his arms with no relief. I thought about hitting my head into his but remembered the helmet. So, I went for the only idea that my oxygen deprived mind thought of. I pushed my shoulder blades into his chest, which allowed me to lift my left leg up in front of me before I let it swing my heel right between his spread legs.

I heard a slight grunt escape from the mask when I made contact. His arms released me, which permitted me to take many steps away from him.

He composed himself well. I could feel the irritation rolling off him in waves. How did he not expect me to know how to protect myself? Has he forgotten that he interrogated, observed, then rip each of my precious memories. I learned only the necessary ideas while watching my brothers rough each other around when I was younger. I also learned quickly when Ghent was attacking me, but I never fought back until the day that ended it. Finally, Poe trained me with the basics for hand-to-hand combat, and he was male, so…

After my little victory, he came at me with what felt like everything he had. Time after time I kept falling down or getting hit and each time he yelled at me.

“You need to focus. Keep your arms up in defense, but attack when you get the chance. If you’re not focus you won’t see that opportunity”, he demanded. I don’t know how long we trained, but I was already drenched in sweat and getting fatigued. My body still wasn’t fully recovered from the time I was unconscious.

“ _Focus!”_

“I _am_!”

“No”, he swung at my head, which I ducked, “You’re”, he kicked at my legs, which made me collapse to the ground onto my back, “ _Not_ ”, he whipped his lightsaber out and ignited it next to my face.

I’m sure you could see the reflection of the blood red light in my eyes, which were wide with fear. He stood over me with my hips were between his feet and his arm extending out while holding the lightsaber. I was too scared to move, afraid that one flinch would cause me to hit the beam.

He stood over me for a moment longer until his breathing slowed. He must have calmed enough because he retracted the beam and replaced the hilt back onto his belt. He stepped back, allowing me to sit up. Before I could say anything, he left the room.

I just sat there, not knowing what to do. Finally, I got up and peaked out the door. I probably should get back to my room, but I don’t know the way back. I stepped out of the training room and turned left. I started to walk down the hallway until two Stormtroopers turned the corner. My initial instinct was to run away, but I had to remind myself where I was, though this didn’t stop me from hesitating upon their appearance. They didn’t stop their stride as the approached me, so I quickly moved closer to the wall. They also didn’t look my way as they continued their strides down the hall. Not knowing if the pair would be the last troopers I saw in this hallway, I quickly spoke my question, “Hello. Could one of you, um, show me where my room is?”

They stopped to turn and look at me simultaneously.

_Shit. How would they know where my room is? Dumbass_

I was about to say ‘never mind’ but one of them replied to my question.

“What is your name?”

“Nymer- oh, um, Officer Arcinia.”

They both went to attention and immediately saluted me. They walked back over to me before saying, “Yes ma’am. We can take you.”

“Thank you”, I said in a questionable tone.

“This way ma’am”, one of them said. I began to follow them, trying to remember every hallway and turn. Finally, they stopped at a door, which honestly looked like every other door we passed.

“Thank you both”, I said politely.

“Ma’am”, they said together before saluting me again and walking back down the hall.

I typed the keycode that General Hux gave me yesterday into the keypad next to the door, which thankfully slid open.

The room looked like the same area that I was in earlier today. The tablet was still on the desk and my nightgown was still laying on the bed from this morning. Yep, this was my room.

Feeling gross after sweating from the training, I decided to shower. I grabbed my nightgown before heading towards the bathroom; I don’t want another incident like the one last night to happen. I took another hot shower, which was a rarity on the Resistance base, and prepared for bed.

Upon leaving the bathroom, I saw another tray of food sitting on the desk with a small black box. While I ate, I opened the box. Inside was what looked like a rectangle screen with a band. Clasping it around my wrist it lit up, showing me the time. _Oh, it’s a watch_.

While looking at the watch, I noticed the handheld hologram device having an intermittent light blinking on the side. I hit the button that I recalled Hux showing me and it lit up showing Kylo Ren.

“Alarms have been set within your watch to tell you when to get up, to leave for and from the training room, and when you are needed elsewhere. We will continue our training tomorrow. That is all.”

_Moody bastard_

After I finished my dinner, I crawled into bed. It didn’t take me long to fall into a deep, dreamless sleep.


	15. Combat Training

I felt something shaking on my forehead. Confused I opened my eyes and found that it was the watch attached to my wrist. This must be the alarm Kylo was talking about. Stretching, I got out of bed and walked towards the bathroom.

I was finished getting dressed and ready within ten minutes, which gave me time to walk to the training room. I was proud of myself, I only got lost twice. Finally reaching the doors to the room, I heard voices on the other side. I debated going in there but knew I would be in deep shit if I didn’t. So, I sucked in a breath and hit the button to open the door.

Upon entering, I noticed four basic Stormtroopers and one that was in silver with a black cape across the left shoulder. I was about to apologize for interrupting when the silver trooper spoke.

“Officer Arcinia. You are late”, the silver trooper said. The voice sounded oddly female.

“I, um, got lost.”

_Great start Nym_

“That is no excuse. You are to report to this training room in a timely fashion from now on.”

“I understand”, sheesh.

“I am Captain Phasma, and I am here to assist you in learning the basics on operating the exercising machines”, the trooper continued. She walked over to the equipment with me following after her.

I tested and tried each machine with difficulty, but I soon grew to understand the basics. I had just finished the last exercise mechanism when the silver Stormtrooper declared that I was ready to return to my room.

I could feel each and every muscle strain in complaint while I walked back to my room. I wanted to just collapse on my bed, but my hologram device that was sitting on my desk was blinking showing that I had a message. I turned it on, which showed Kylo Ren.

“Upon your return from training with Captain Phasma, you are to view and study the files that I have programed on your tablet. You will be tested on the subjects at another time. That is all”, his hologram message said before disappearing.

Great, I guess I won’t be getting that nap in. After eating my brunch, I woke the tablet up and began to work. I noticed that I could take notes using a pen that I could remove from the tablet. I highlighted and made notes on the topics I thought would be most important. My eyes were beginning to droop when I felt my watch begin to vibrate again. Time for my one-on-one training.

 _I hope it goes better than yesterday_.

I only got lost once on the last turn, but I finally made it back to the training room where Kylo Ren was already waiting. He had his back facing me while his hands were clasped behind his back. Upon my entrance, he turned.

“We will continue your hand-to-hand combat skills.”

I nodded my head, beginning to cross my arms to stretch them. He continued to stand there with his hands behind his back, watching me. I grew nervous but continued to stretch. I became distracted as I looked out the window while I was stretching; I didn’t see the mass of black run towards me until it hit me in the side and pushed me to the ground.

The wind was knocked out of me. I looked like an aquatic creature gasping for breath on land while Kylo just stood up, “You are weak.”

Once I was able to get my breath back I got up and glared at him. I got into my combat stance and faced him. He did the same while I advanced and took the first swing.

My training continued for the rest of the afternoon and into evening. I fought like my life was on the line, which at times I felt like it was. He allowed me one break, which was when he flipped me over his back and threw me onto mine. I just laid on the training mat, trying to get my breath again when he announced a break. I didn’t move from that spot until we began again.

Over and over he hit me where I left my defenses weak. I was only able to hit him twice, both times were only little punches in the arm, but these little victories were what pushed me on during this session.

He hit me in the ribs, causing me to take multiple steps back in pain. “Are you sure you’re an Arcinia? You’re just too pathetic. How do you expect to defeat the Resistance?”

I yelled in anger as I came after him with everything I had, but I was getting tired. He easily defended himself and even pushed me away again.

I regained my balance and my combat stance. I don’t care how tired I am, I will hit this ass hat one more time before this session is over with.

“Now I understand why your family hated you”, the metallic voice proclaimed, “You are frail, inadequate, and powerless. Your foolishness is what killed your mother.”

That last comment hit me right in the burning hatred I had stored within me. It bubbled and boiled over until it tore the band from my mind. The hatred I had for this poignant universe frothed from my very essence until it exploded. My world has been constantly shattered into millions of pieces that will never be put back together. I’ve had enough of others lighting an already burning flame that was my self loathing.

I wanted him to take back his insults. I wanted him to know that I _am not_ weak or frail, or inadequate, or even powerless. I am strong and powerful, and he _will not_ tell me otherwise.

 _Pusssssshhhhh himmmm,_ a voice whispered within me.

A dark energy began to surround me. I became so angry that I stuck my hand out and pushed Kylo Ren with the force into the rack of weapons.

The band snapped back, which caused me to collapse to my knees. If I felt fatigue before during the training, then I was exhausted after what just happened. I wanted to just fall asleep on the training mat, but I heard the sound of someone moving in front of me. I looked up and Kylo Ren was fuming.

_Shit_

I tried to scoot back away from him, but not before he stuck his hand out, causing a sensation of someone chocking me. I instinctively put my hands to my throat to tear the invisible hands away from my throat, but with no relief. I begged him with my eyes to release me, but he just continued to walk towards me with long strides.  

 _He’s going to kill me_.

“You will _never_ use the force on me! You are my apprentice and I am your master”, the distorted voice was furious, and it didn’t help that he didn’t sound human, “I demand respect and that is what I will receive”, he continued as I started to see spots. I didn’t even notice my feet were not touching the ground.

He saw me losing consciousness, so he dropped me, allowing me to collapse onto the mat. I turned to my side, trying to push oxygen into my lungs. I couldn’t stop the sob that escaped my throat. Tears were now slowly streaming down the side of my face and into my hair. I’ve heard about Stormtroopers disobeying orders. They were immediately killed or sacrificed. I had just thrown the commander of the First Order across the room. I was terrified to face him, but knew I had to.

I wiped the tears away and stood up to face my ‘master’. I wiped another tear away while looking at him. I didn’t glare like I would have, I just felt numb, which must have showed in my face.

“I apologize for my actions, I understand if extermination is a required process. I am ready.”

He was obviously still mad based on the movement of his shoulders which showed he was still breathing quickly. But he must have been taken aback from my comment because his shoulders stopped their rhythmic motions for a brief second. He continued to stare at me while I clasped both of my shaking hands together in front of me and stared back.

“You may return to your room”, he said as a single tear made another trail down my cheek.


	16. A Forgotten Memory

My tears had dried hours ago, but I still sniffle every so often. I was lying in a fetal position on my bed. My self defense that I had slowly constructed while I was with the Resistance had crumbled into dust. I was left open like a seeping, infected wound that never healed properly. I felt like I was the most complete failure in the galaxy. I wanted to disappear, to evaporate into ash. I needed to complete my revenge, but I felt torn. I wanted revenge, but I feel like I don’t have the energy for it anymore. I feel like I’m too worthless to get vengeance for my family.

I thought about many things while lying in my bed. But I wasn’t as docile when I first got back to my room. I grew angry upon entering my room. I destroyed the desk, chair, bed, side table, and wardrobe by using the force. I stood in the middle of my room and let the rage within me take over by throwing the furniture and random devices around me.

I tried throwing the pieces of broken wood at the rectangle window so that I might be vacuumed into space, but the glass was too thick. I must have overdone the connection with the force because my nose started to bleed, and my body felt like I was ice. I shuffled over to the bathroom, feeling cold and dizzy.

I turned the shower so that steam quickly filled the small bathroom. I swiftly stripped so that I was bare and laid down on the tiled floor of the shower. I don’t remember if I fell asleep, but I stayed under the water until I felt warm enough to leave it.

I wrapped myself in my robe and left the bathroom. I almost forgot about the destruction I made but chose to ignore it. I climbed onto the mattress that was more or less on the floor due to the broken frame. I pulled the blankets over me and I began to cry.

I cried for my lost childhood, for my mother who sacrificed herself by trying to save me. I cried for my brother Zuke and the many memories we had made together before the incident. I cried for my father and the love he once shared with my mother. I cried for Percy and hoped that he was still alive. I cried for my brothers, Kael and Delmon. I cried for the woman and infant I found in the shop’s bedroom. I cried for Zuke’s wife and children and how terrified they must have felt. I even cried for Ghent and how he didn’t deserve death as a punishment. I cried at my innocence being taken at such a young age. I cried and cried until I ran out of tears.

I sunk deep into myself until there was only a rotting carcass left. I was too tired to continue with this grim and dreadful life. I was ready, I just needed my body to die. So, here I am, hoping that nobody will notice my absence and let me die alone, like the appalling person that I am.

But apparently that wasn’t the plan.

I must have eventually dosed off, because I woke to my watch vibrating. It was time to leave for the training room. But did I? Nope.

A droid arrived, attempting to bring a tray of food through the door, but it couldn’t get far due to the broken furniture strewn throughout the room, so it eventually just set it on the floor. My watch soon vibrated again, saying it was time to return to my room to study and eat what the droid left me.

I continued to stay in the same position I was in the night before. Not feeling any pain from my cramping muscles as I kept retreating into my mind. I let myself flow from thought to thought, memory to memory, but not staying too long on one before I left to find another. I drifted through my mind like the little green plants that would lazily flow with the stream behind our home.

As I drifted, I never completely left my body. I was too afraid to leave it, not knowing if I would get back, not that it mattered. But I was still aware of the possible dangers that lurked.

The main reason I didn’t leave was due to the dark presence that stood in the corner of my room. This dark shadow hadn’t moved since I laid down in the bed the night before. It continued to stare at me, waiting for me to approach it, but I was too afraid. So, I let my mind freely drift within my subconscious, knowing some reason that I was safely hidden and protected.

I was so deep within my thoughts and memories that I didn’t even notice the third alarm my watch made to signal my return to the training room. It didn’t matter, because a few moments later, my door was heavily pounded on. I was still drifting, not noticing the masked commander enter my room. I didn’t see how he hesitated in the doorway, looking at the destruction I made before his masked eyes landed on my covered form on the bed. I didn’t see him hurriedly come over to me to check if I was still alive. I didn’t feel him press his gloved hand on my temple to check if my mind was still active. Although, I did feel his thoughts offensively intrude my safe heaven.

I immediately kicked him out, which caused him to retreat his hand from my head. I didn’t feel him touching me, but I did hear a hiss, then something being set onto the floor. I felt the covers being removed from my body, then bare, cool hands start to message my muscles so that they would bend in a more comfortable position. I felt him turn my body so that I was on my back. I hadn’t felt such calm, soft touches since General Organa hugged me good bye.

I quickly left this thought, moving onto the next. I could feel Kylo’s presence in the room, but for some reason the darkness had disappeared. Good.

Once my body was rearranged to a more comfortable position, I felt the covers being placed back over me. I continued to drift away, hoping that soon my body would just give up hope and die. I could tell it was fatigued, but this didn’t stop the speed of my subconscious flipping through memories in hyperspeed.

I landed on a specific memory that turned to be more of a vision. It caught me like I was an insect to molasses. I was unable to leave it. Beginning to panic I tried to pull away from the memory, but once I heard my mother’s voice, I knew I was safe.

 

\--

 

“Nym”, a mother gently scolded her small child, “You must try to sleep. For me?”

“But Mama! I’m not tired”, said the child, who was rubbing her little fists in her sleepy eyes.

“I can see that”, the mother chuckled softly.

“I wanna play with Zuke and the dice.”

The mother smiled when thinking about her children.

“Come here then”, the mother said with her arms open, “I shall sing you a lullaby that my father sang to me as a child.”

The little girl crawled into her mother’s lap and snuggled into her warm, protective arms. The mother bent and kissed the soft curls on the child’s head before she began to hum the beginning of the lullaby.

 

_Lay down your head,_

_And I’ll sing you a lullaby,_

_Back to the years,_

_Of loo-li lai-lay_

 

_And I’ll sing you to sleep,_

_And I’ll sing you tomorrow,_

_Bless you with love,_

_For the road that you go_

_May you sail far,_

_To the far fields of fortune,_

_With diamonds and pearls,_

_At your head and your feet_

_And may you need never,_

_To banish misfortune,_

_May you find kindness,_

_In all that you meet*_

 

By the fourth verse, the child was rocked to sleep by her mother, who continued to hold the child and hum the song. The mother knew of the child’s potential. She was afraid of the dangers that lurked in the shadows.

Looking back at her youngest child’s sleeping face, she worried about her future. What would happen if she wasn’t there to protect this innocent soul. The force wanted so desperately to swirl around her child, but Aren knew this was impossible. There were too many creatures out in the galaxy that will want to take her child away from her.

The mother was now clutching the child, tears brimming her eyes. She has been keeping this dark secret with her, and when the child is old enough, she too will carry on the secret of her ancestors.

The mother was pushed from her thoughts upon hearing her older sons in the other room laughing with their father. The woman brushed the stray tears away and carried the child to her bed.

“Goodnight my little comet”, the mother said as she placed the child down and kissing her soft curls one last time before leaving the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Secret Garden - Sleepsong lyrics  
> I heard this song years ago, and for some reason it stuck with me. I know it's not original, but it's too beautiful not to use. I'd recommend finding it and listening to it to get the full effect.


	17. How Long?

I opened my eyes after the very graphic vision. I could hear my mother’s thoughts, and the feelings she had towards the force. I could feel her fear seeping into my own emotions.

The lullaby. It was the same one that brought me back from the darkness a few days ago. I remembered the song to the point I could have hummed it, but I never could remember the lyrics until now.

My mind was awake, like I had been asleep for years while my body was fatigued. I was about to pull the covers off when I noticed an IV in my hand and a thin tube up my nose. I sat up slowly, allowing the covers that were pulled up to my shoulders to fall onto my lap. The robe I had on originally was replaced with a thin medical gown.

I then noticed how the room was put back together, like I never destroyed it. I glanced around the room and landed on a form that was slumped in a new plush chair in the far corner.

_Who is that?_

I tried to move, but my body was too weak. I couldn’t get a good look at the person that was sharing my room because the lights were off. The only illumination I had was from the lights coming through the rectangle window.

My throat and mouth felt parched while my limbs felt like they were thousands of pounds. I couldn’t sit up for too long before I had to lay back down. I drifted back to sleep, but I didn’t fall too far back into the darkness.

 

\--

 

I woke up again when I heard an unfamiliar voice speaking to a hologram. I could tell the hologram was General Hux. They were talking about a supply fleet was intercepted by the Resistance and how they had lost half of the ships. I could tell that both men were irritated based on their voices, but I still struggled to figure out the one voice that was in my room.

Their conversation quickly ended by a gruff parting by Hux. When the hologram turned off, I heard the man that was still in the chair take a deep sigh. I then heard him stand and walk towards the door.

I slowly sat up, with some difficulty. The man froze with his back towards me. The lights were dimmed, but I was still able to make out the long black robe, the wide black belt, and the ever present helmet; which was being held in the hand of the owner instead of on his head.

He turned to look at me. He was notably pale with dark wavy like hair. His nose looked like it had been broken more than once while his lips were thick and pink. He had a longer face that was framed by his hair.

Kylo Ren took a step towards me, but hesitated. I was just sitting there stiffly, waiting for his next move. He opened his mouth to say something, but instead placed his helmet back on his head.

“I will return shortly”, was all he said before leaving my room.

I continued to sit there, thinking about what I should do when the door reopened. Three medical staff came in silently. They didn’t make eye contact or speak as they checked over me. Finally, one of them spoke, “we are going to sedate you in order to remove the feeding tube.”

I was about to protest when they injected the ever familiar pale liquid into my IV line.

 

\--

 

I felt sluggish when I woke for a third time. I knew this must be from the sedative they gave me. I put my hand to my nose and felt the tube was removed. I checked my hand too and saw the IV line was also removed. The fist thought I has was that I was both thirsty and I had to use the bathroom. I slowly sat up to look around my room that was still dimly lit.

Sitting in the same chair as before was Kylo Ren. I didn’t know what to do, so I did my best to pull the covers up to my chest. He still didn’t move. He still had his helmet on, but he was slumped to the side of the chair with his elbow on the armrest and his hand holding his head.

 _He must be asleep_ , I thought. I pulled the covers off my legs and slowly got out of bed. I slid off the mattress and landed on my feet; my legs are weaker than I had originally thought they would be.

Without any grace, I fell right onto my stomach, making an ‘oomph’ noise. I heard Kylo wake up and quickly stand. He hurriedly walked to the bed in what I assumed was worry. I placed my hand on the edge of the mattress to pull myself back up when he must have seen me. Walking over to the where I was unceremoniously laying, he made a quick observation and then picked me up.

He put one hand behind my back while the other went under my knees. I reflexively wrapped my arm around his helmet covered neck to remain steady. He was about to place me back in the bed when I remembered my bladder.

“Could you”, I started, but my throat was dry, so I started again, “could you actually take me to the bathroom?”

He just looked at me through his helmet, but he turned and walked over to the door. He sat me on the counter then took a step back, as if waiting for a command.

“Um, maybe with some privacy?”

He looked lost, and I’m sure his face would have been red without the helmet hiding his features from me. He began to walk out of the bathroom, when he turned back around and gently placed me off the counter and onto my feet. Once I nodded that I was able to handle myself, he left the room.

Avoiding the mirror, I began to perform my morning routine which also included a long, hot shower. I was too weak to stand very long in the shower, but I was still able to finish getting clean. Once finished, I wrapped myself in a black robe and opened the bathroom door to find that Kylo was still in my room, sitting on the chair. I stumbled over to the wardrobe and found a nightgown.

Upon leaving the bathroom a second time, I was getting severely fatigued. I gripped the doorframe and was starting to get dizzy and collapse again when I felt cool hands wrap around me. These same hands picked me up and took me back to my bed.

Once Kylo set me down, he gently pulled the covers around me. I didn’t even notice at the time that he had removed his helmet. I think I mumbled a ‘thank you’ but I can’t remember because I immediately went to sleep. 

 

\--

 

I woke up to a rather angry conversation, “No! _You_ should figure this problem out on your own. You don’t need my assistance”, a voice demanded. I found that I now recognized Kylo Ren’s voice without his mask. I could also tell he was speaking to General Hux based on the nasty reply that relayed back.

I slowly sat up, which was getting easier. I noticed that Kylo was pacing the room while he was talking on the hologram. Kylo was about the throw the device once Hux closed the conversation and his hologram disappeared, but me clearing my throat caused him to hesitate.

He turned and saw that I was finally awake. He set the device on the desk and walked over to me.

“How are you feeling?”, he asked.

“Better. Just really thirsty”, I replied.

“I’ll order you a tray then.”

I pushed myself up more and rearranged the pillows behind me so that I could recline, but still be sitting up. Kylo returned to the chair on the other side of the room.

“How long have I been asleep?”

Leaning forward in the chair, he placed his elbow on his knee and his hand to his chin like he had to think for a moment.

“You were in the cell for two days. Then, you were in slight coma for about two weeks. Then-“

“Wait, I was out for two weeks before I was brought to Snoke?”

“One, stop interrupting me. Two, it’s Supreme Leader Snoke. And yes, it was about two weeks. The second time you drifted was about a month”

_Oh. That explains why my body has become so weak and thin._

“Why keep me alive?”

“Simple, you are my apprentice. You’re my responsibility”, he said while making eye contact with me.

This made my cheeks quickly turn crimson. He was about to say something when I was saved by a droid entering with a tray of food and a pitcher of liquid. Kylo got up from the chair to take the tray and came back over to the bed. He sat it across my lap. It looked like some sort of soup with what looked like fruit as the side. Kylo walked to the desk and poured me a glass of liquid, which he placed onto the tray. He then returned to his chair.

I didn’t like how he was watching me, but I was too hungry and thirsty to care. I finished the meal quickly. Kylo then walked into my bathroom and reappeared with multiple tablets and capsules in his hand.

“These will help you regain your strength. You will continue to take these until your body has completely healed.”

After taking the medication, he removed the tray and placed it onto the desk before returning to take a seat.

“Why do I keep blacking out after I use the force?”

“I’m not sure, but I have a few ideas”

“It’s not like I’m going anywhere”, I replied. This made him make a small smirk before he explained his theories.


	18. The Code of the Sith

I don’t know how much time had passed while we threw our ideas back and forth. Kylo Ren leaned back in his chair after he had eventually pushed it closer to the side of my bed. This way we were not having a conversation from across the room

“So, this band”, he said while making quotation marks with his hand, “that your mother placed around you is supposedly protecting you from using the force, but this ‘band’ isn’t something that is permanent, as we have seen multiple times.”

“I apologized for the time in the training room”, I said. I had pulled my knees up to my chest while listening intently to Kylo’s different theories as to why the force was so extreme each time I had used it.

“Maybe it’s because you were not exposed to it until you were what, fifteen?”, he asked while pulling his pale hands through his dark hair.

“It’s possible. It could also be a combination of my ancestors _and_ the lack of exposure”, I said while pulling at a string on my comforter.

“True, but it also seems to be triggered by your anger”, he said rather simply. He looked at me with his dark brown eyes, waiting for my response.

I looked away from him. I couldn’t let him see the pain and hatred I had within me. Not that he didn’t already know about my past. I tried to keep my features and feelings contained within me so that I wasn’t so open with my emotional state.

“You don’t have to hide from me”, he whispered.

I looked back at him with visible confusion written on my face.

“You don’t have to hide your feelings. Being passionate about your feelings, that being anger, irritation, wrath, and even sadness is what fuels the dark side. The Sith had a code that has been taught from master to apprentice. Though the Sith have been extinct since the fall of Darth Vader, I was still taught the morals of the Sith. Their code states that peace is a lie and that there is only passion.

“Your passion is what will power your energy and connection with the force. In time, once your body has healed, I will show you the ways of the dark side. I will show you how to control the force and bend it to your will. I will show you how to fight and to protect yourself. Soon, you will be more than my apprentice.”

I was speechless. Is it possible that one day I could control this band and the force?

Ren’s hologram that was still sitting on my desk with now three empty trays of food started to signal that he had an oncoming message. He made an audible sigh and went over to answer it. I could tell it was General Hux. I couldn’t hear exactly what was being said, but after they ended the connection Kylo turned back to me, “I need to leave.”

“Alright.”

“Your alarms have been reset back to your watch. You begin training again tomorrow”, he said as he put his robe and helmet back on.

I nodded my head in understanding. With that, he turned and left my room.

I felt exhausted, but in a good way. I was now able to walk over to the bathroom without any difficulty. I completed my nightly routine and crawled back into the bed.

I was drifting to sleep when I heard a group of voices whispering a verse over and over. I was paralyzed, like I was frozen in place while my mind was wide awake. The voices would transition from being loud to quite like they were riding a wave.

I didn’t register what they were saying until I woke up in a sweat in the middle of the night. I woke because a voice sounded like they were right beside me. I sat up quickly, seeing a visibly dark figure standing in the corner. It wasn’t just in my mind that I saw him, like I did when I was submitting to the darkness of my mind. He was whispering the same verse the voices were earlier. He was the same voice that said, “push him”, in the training room.

_Peace is a lie. There is only passion_

_Through passion I gain strength_

_Through strength I gain power_

_Through power I gain victory_

_Through victory my chains are broken_

_The Force shall free me_

With each sentence, the shadow took a step closer to me. I was too scared to move. I was beginning to hyperventilate when the figure stopped at the edge of my bed. He was about to place one of his shadowed hands on my comforter where my foot was when I was finally able to move. I put both of my hands out and force pushed him with everything I had, which caused little holes to penetrate into his shadowed chest.

 _We will return for you child,_ the shadow whispered before dissipating.

 

\--

 

I must have fallen asleep because I woke to the vibrating of my wrist, which was my alarm. I quickly looked around my room, but found it was empty of any real and shadowed beings. I audibly sighed with relief before preparing myself for my return to the training room.

I began to work with the machines to get my unused and weak muscles strong again. I pushed myself further than I would have normally. After finding out about the time I spent in the darkness, I decided that I would work hard so that my body wouldn’t fail me if I happen to return to the dark emptiness.

My watch started to vibrate again, signaling my return to my room for my midday meal. Upon my return, I saw Kylo Ren bending over my desk with my tablet. He looked to see who had entered when the door opened, but quickly went back to the tablet.

“I’m trying to get a file prepared so you can resume your studies, but this damn thing won’t work.”

I clasped my hands behind my back and rocked on my feet, “would you like me to try?”

“No”, he said without looking at me.

I shrugged my shoulders and went to sit on the desk, allowing my legs to swing. I was watching him become more frustrated. I started to pick at my lunch when he straightened his back so that he could properly throw his helmet, that was also sitting on the desk beside him, across my room.

His mild tantrum didn’t phase me, just as long as his anger wasn’t directed at me. He was about to throw the tablet too, but I stopped him by hastily placing my hand gently on his arm.

He froze, his hand still holding the tablet in mid-throw. I removed my hand as he dethawed and turned towards me. He set the tablet down and faced me fully.

Kylo raised his hand towards my face. I instinctively flinched away, which made him pause, but seeing that I didn’t move away or try to stop him further, he took one of my stray curls that had fallen out of my bun from my exercise earlier this morning and tucked it behind my ear.

I didn’t realize I was holding my breath until I released a rather long exhale when he pulled his hand away. I’m sure at this point my face was the darkest shade of crimson. He was about to say something when I moved my hand to touch his hair. He also flinched away, but unlike me he took a step back.

“Work on the file that you last studied then meet me in the training room in an hour”, he said without looking at me. He went over and collected his helmet, which he put on before leaving my room.

I finished my meal, took my medication, and worked on my notes from the last time I studied when my wrist began to vibrate.

 _Time to meet the moody bastard_ , I thought.

I entered the training room to find Kylo with his hands clasped behind his back, looking out the large window. I took both of my shoes off before entering the training mat. He still hadn’t turned around, and because he always made such a big deal about ‘once you’re on the mat you’re training’, I took one of my shoes and threw it at the back of his head.

It stopped right before it hit him. _Blast_. Before he turned to face me, the shoe darted back at me, which I quickly dodged. Dropping my other shoe, I walked over to him to begin our training.

For weeks, or what felt like weeks, I wasn’t keeping track of the days, I would wake up, exercise on my own, eat and study, then train one-on-one with Kylo Ren. Everyday was practically the same, the only difference was the shadowed manifestation.

He would appear at random moments, which was usually at night, but recently he began to show in the mornings and during the time I was studying. Somedays he followed me on my walks to and from the training room while usually he would stay in my room. I was constantly looking over my shoulders and at every dark corner.

He would whisper in my mind when I was trying to sleep. It was getting harder and harder to sleep knowing he was there in the corner, watching me. I tried to force push him like I did that first time, but this didn’t always work. It was like he was getting stronger each day.

The only time I was sure he wasn’t around, was when I was with Kylo Ren. As soon as I got close to Kylo, the shadow would disappear, which is why the evening trainings soon became my favorite part of the day.

I never confided with Kylo, I was afraid he would call me weak or that he would punish me for not trying to push this presence away on my own. I know I should have told him the moment I felt the presence when he told me to push him in the training room, but I was too afraid. It didn’t matter though, because if the shadow figure was getting stronger, so was I.

We had just started my force training once he felt I was adequate in my combat skills. This was about the second or third week of my force training. I was able to stretch the band and make contact with the force without difficulty or without sinking into the darkness after each force connection.

“You are getting stronger, but still not strong enough”, Kylo said when I let the band slip, causing me to lose the connection.

“I’m trying to focus, but I can’t concentrate”, I replied. We were sitting on the mat in the training room. Kylo showed me how to meditate, which I was supposed to practice but with the dark, distracting presence it grew harder to do outside of the training room.

“Then try harder.”

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and tried again. The band was easily removed, and I instantly felt the force sweep around my body. I took another deep breath and stretched the band more. Today, the goal was to levitate the different objects strewn around us in a circle. So far, I was able to get most off the ground, but even that took me a while to get to.

I was about to raise the objects when I felt a disturbance. I knew if I opened my eyes, Kylo would yell at me to concentrate. Instead, I ‘looked’ around with the force until I saw the shadow figure, but it wasn’t just a shadow anymore. Dark yellow eyes gleamed at me from across the room.


	19. Hideous Visions

“Kylo”, I whispered, “do you see him?”

“See who?”, his voice replied across from me. We were both sitting crossed-legged in the meditative position on the training room’s mat.

“The man in the corner”, I said, continuing to whisper.

“No, I don’t see-“, he stopped mid-sentence, I think he finally saw who I was looking at.

I was paralyzed with fear. The dark form with dark yellow eyes began to slowly walk towards me. The once shadowed body began to now take a more solid form.

 _Child. Come to me_.

“Nymeria”, Kylo said with urgency, “close the connection.”

_Release your anger._

I felt myself being pulled towards him.

_Yes child. Feel our power._

My physical body was still sitting on the mat, but my inner self started to pull away. My non-physical body was beginning to stand and walk towards the dark figure, who now had his hand sticking out, waiting for me to grab it.

_Almost child._

Suddenly, I felt like I was slammed back into my body.

I was still sitting cross-legged when I opened my eyes. Kylo was on his knees in front of me with both hands on my temples. I felt like my nose was running and removing my hand from my nose I noticed blood. I looked at Kylo with confusion while his features showed fear.

“What?”

“How long have you been seeing him?”

“Who?”

“Do not play coy with me”, he said while sitting back down in front of me.

“I’m not”, I said defensively while wiping my nose with my sleeve, “I don’t know who that was or what he is. He started out as just a voice. He was the one who told me to push you into the weapons.”

“When did he first appear to you?”

I had to think a moment, “It was after I destroyed my room. I was on the edge of falling into the darkness. It was actually right before you found me.”

“You were conscious then?”

“Sort of. I remember feeling cool hands moving me to a more comfortable position. I just remember after that I saw a vision of my mother. Her lullaby was what brought me back; both times actually”, my cheeks quickly turned red at what I just said.

“A lullaby?”

“Um, yes? He, um, the shadow figure, didn’t show a physical form until after we voiced our theories about my force connection and my lineage. In the beginning I was able to push him with the force and he would disappear. Until these past few weeks has he been getting stronger”, I looked at Kylo, who looked shocked.

“What?”

“You’ve been keeping him at bay alone? Why didn’t you tell me about him?”

_Shit_

“Because I thought you would be angry that I couldn’t hold him off on my own.”

“Nymeria, that presence, whoever he was, is strong. Almost as strong as the Supreme Leader. If you ever feel something like that again you come straight to me. Understand?”

I just nodded my head. He signaled that our training was over for the day and I began to clean the objects that were still in a circle. Once they were cleared I made a quick bow with my head towards Kylo and left the training room.

 

\--

 

When the door to my room opened, I peeked inside to make sure nobody, living or shadowed, was in my room. Not seeing anything or anyone, I entered.

After eating my evening meal, I completed my nightly routine as always, which included a must needed shower. Finally, I pulled the covers back to my bed and crawled under them. Sleep came to me quicker than usual, but my dreams were terribly vivid.

 

\--

 

All I could see were flashes of red and blue. Hundreds of lightsabers were slicing through the air at their opposing foe. Screams of pain and those of anger surrounded me while I watched on in shear terror. I was frozen in place until I saw a man with a red lightsaber start to run towards me. I didn’t have time to step away, but I didn’t need to, because the man ran through me like I was mist.

 _This must be a vision_.

I continued to watch the sickening battle as both Jedi and Sith fought for their lives. On and on the vision continued, until one man remained. He stood over the carcasses of his enemies and brethren.

I stood behind him as he peered over the bodies. I felt as if I knew this man. I took a step towards him, when he turned. It wasn’t his features that frightened me. He obviously was a male with a tattoo to the left temple of his bald head and diamond shaped black tattoos over his eyes. His eyes were the same dark yellow that I saw on the shadowed figure. What frightened me was what he said to me without actually speaking.

 _Child. You are an Arcinia. Come to me_.

He stuck his hand out like before, but I was unable to move. I couldn’t step towards him or away. I was rooted to the spot.

“Please”, I cried out.

 _Come with me. Join us. Become our apprentice. Become Darth Arcinia_.

“No.”

This made him furious.

_You will join us, child. If not today, then soon._

He stuck his hand out, which quickly wiped the vision away.

 

\--

 

I woke up in a cold sweat. I quickly got out of bed and ran to the side of the room to turn the lights on, but I was alone in the room. I looked at my hands and found them shaking with fear. Without thinking, I went over to my desk to my hologram mechanism.

“What do you need Nymeria?”, said Kylo’s hologram image.

“I saw him. I saw the yellow eyed figure”, I whispered while not being able to keep the tears from streaming down my cheeks.

There was a pause before he replied, “I’ll come at once.”

I whispered a thank you and set the mechanism back on the desk. I went over to the plush chair and sat down on it while brining my knees to my chest. A few moments later my door opened revealing the Commander of the First Order.

He swiftly walked in while taking his helmet off and tossing to the ground. He came over and crouched down in front of me in the chair. He reached out and took my face in both of his hands. I continued to slightly cry while we gazed into each other’s eyes.

“Explain to me what happened”, he said gently.

I closed my eyes and frowned, not wanting to relive the vision.

“Nymeria”, Kylo said, “you need to explain so that I know how to help you.”

I swallowed back a sob before I tried to explain what I saw, “It was a vision. I thought it was a dream until someone, I think he was a Sith, went through me like I was a cloud.”

He released my face while leaning back from the chair in concentration. His brows were scrunched together in thought. I tried to wipe the tears away while he concentrated. Finally, he looked back at me.

“Do you mind if I watched the vision?”

“If it was anything like when you interrogated me, then yes I mind.”

“I promise I won’t hurt you”, he replied with notable discomfort.

“Alright”, I whispered back.

He placed both of his hands onto my temples. I closed my eyes to mentally prepare myself for seeing the image again. He shifted through my memories quickly until he found the vision.

He pushed away from me like I burned him. He stood up and began to pace my room while I was still sitting on the chair.

I watched him walk back and forth in front of me. I finally grew the courage to ask, “Do you know who that was?”

“I need to take this information to the Supreme Leader”, he said before turning to collect his helmet.

I panicked, “Don’t leave me.”

He whipped around, “What?”

What, indeed, did I just say? _Shit-shit-shit-shit_.

I started to twist my fingers around each other in nervousness, “He might come back. He always comes back at night. Please”, I pleaded, “I’m terrified to be alone”, I finished in a whisper.

Kylo watched me as I made my plea. He took a deep inhale, then exhaled while looking at the ceiling.

“Move”, he said while motioning to leave the chair, which I did hurriedly. He took his usual spot in the chair and motioned me with his wrist to return to my bed, “Go back to bed. I’ll keep watch.”

“Won’t you get tired too?”, I asked while getting back under the covers.

“I’ll survive.”

I raised my brow like a champ but decided to leave the argument at that and rolled over to my side.  


	20. Training Solo

My days continued without any sign of the shadow figure. This could have been because Kylo would stay in my room during the night. I don’t know how long he would stay, because by my first alarm, he was gone from his chair. It didn’t matter though, just as long as I didn’t have to hear or see that figure again.

I haven’t quite mastered the force, but for the last couple weeks Kylo decided that I should practice wielding a lightsaber, though not a real one. Kylo Ren had me practice different movements, positions, and actions with the imitation lightsaber. Practicing the motions seemed to come naturally, like I had done these movements before. Kylo was surprised at first, but he quickly switched to a more mature level by increasing our combat difficulty.

My training continued on until one day after training, Kylo told me he had to leave.

“We have information that might lead us to a small-scale Resistance Base.”

“You’re leaving?”, I started to internally panic. If he was leaving, then who would protect me during the night? Who would make sure that the shadow figure wouldn’t return?

“Only for a few days at most. It’s a simple mission.”

“Then why not take me with you?”

He hesitated, possibly because he didn’t think about taking me with. _Ass hat._

“It’s too risky. You are not fully connected with the force. I don’t want your anger to get the best of you and for you to accidentally attack us.”

I felt hurt, but I understood. I was to be kept locked away safely until I can be sure that I was under control.

“I want you to continue to practice the lightsaber movements and to exercise your force connection.”

“Alright”, I said, defeated, “when do you leave?”

“Tonight.”

 _So soon_.

“I wish you luck. Just, please come back”, I said without thinking. I knew I was blushing, so I quickly turned away to leave when I felt him take my arm gently to turn me to face him. I didn’t have time to register what was happening.

He placed a hand on my crimson cheek while leaning into me. He was about to brush his lips with mine when he hesitated, unsure if he should continue. Not thinking clearly, I pushed my lips onto his. I was about to pull away when he placed his other hand on my neck while he continued to kiss me. While wrapping my arms around his neck, I gripped his soft hair with my hands whilst kissing him back. I’m sure the kiss only lasted a few seconds, but to me it felt like a lifetime.

He quickly pulled away while looking me in the eyes. I used to think his eyes were a dark brown, but they were actually a lighter brown around the edges. We gazed at each other before he pressed his lips quickly to my forehead and turned to leave without looking back. 

 

\--

 

It took me a moment to regain my composure and thoughts after Kylo left. I blinked a couple times before leaving the training room to head back to my own room. Upon my return, I sat in the plush chair and thought about what had just happened.

_Shit. I just kissed the Commander of the First Order!_

I pulled my knees to my chest. I replayed the memory over and over, thinking about how I felt about it. I didn’t think I had feelings like _that_ towards him, but maybe I did. I don’t know what to think.

After a while of sitting and thinking about how to proceed on this ‘relationship’, I decided to sleep on it. I began to prepare for the night like usual while still thinking about the kiss.

I kept tossing and turning, having difficulty falling asleep. I finally gave up and decided to study and read a bit from the tablet. I avoided everything that had to deal with the dark side in fear of drawing up ‘you know who’ from the pits of some heated place.

I was drifting to sleep, unable to keep my eyes on the tablet, when I felt him before I saw him. That cold, seeping darkness that follows him like a cloak filled the room. I shot up, seeing him begin to take form in the corner.

_Arcinia._

With Kylo gone, I’m going to have to face him alone. I pulled the covers off and got out of bed to fully face the figure. He took a step towards me, but I stuck my hand out, calling to the force. I made the connection instantly and I tried to push his ass into oblivion, but he fought back.

_You are becoming powerful, but not as much as us._

“You think too highly of yourself”, I said. I tried to put a fighting face on when deep down I was terrified.

 _Come with us, Darth Arcinia. Join us_.

“No.”

He grew furious, but before those dark yellow eyes could blink, I pushed him with everything I had. Holes began to appear in his torso and extremities like it did that first night he came to me.

“Leave. Me. _Alone!_ ”, I yelled as I continued to punch holes through him. I pushed until he made a growling noise and disappeared.

I collapsed onto the floor. I tried to take deep breaths, but it was all I could do to stop the sobs from escaping. Fear was beginning to build inside me. This thing keeps coming back, but why?

_Us_

I quickly got to my feet. The figure kept saying ‘us’. Who the flying fuck is ‘us’? And why was he calling me Darth Arcinia?

I scrambled over to my bed where I left the tablet. I made a quick search, typing on the screen until it began to search through the files that were open to me. There was a loading bar, that was slowly growing as it went through file after file.

When I finally got my results, I sunk to the floor with the bed against my back.

‘Search results: 0’

I knew I couldn’t contact Kylo during this mission, so all I could do was wait. I could go to Snoke, but I didn’t think it would be best because I am the apprentice to his apprentice. Maybe I could contact Hux, but I’m sure that he wouldn’t be helpful.

 _I am alone_.

I climbed back into bed while still clutching my tablet. I drifted in and out of sleep for the rest of the night until my alarm woke me up. I was exhausted, but I knew I needed to continue my training. I went through the normal session with the machines until my normal alarm told me to go back to my room.

I usually don’t pass Stormtroopers to and from my room, but when I do I’m always met with the upmost respect. They never say anything, they just pause to salute before they continued their rounds.

After eating and trying to search more for the name the shadow keeps calling me, my alarm vibrated again for my one-on-one sessions with Ren. With nothing better to do with the rest of my day, I went back to the training room. Upon entering, I saw Phasma in her usual silver armor.

“The Commander has instructed me to show you his training room so that you may continue to work on your combative skills in his absence.”

I nodded my head, though I became confused when she began to leave the room. I went to follow her, but we didn’t walk far before she entered a code and went into a room down the hall from my training room.

Phasma showed me the controls on the different holograms that appeared as potential foes for me to practice fighting. She showed me how I could control the room’s temperature and lighting. It was fascinating to watch all of the options I could choose from to practice with.

“That is all I know. I’ll leave you to train.”

She left after she recited the room’s code to me. I turned towards the control panel. The layout screen was similar to my tablet, so I was quick to pick a scenario. I decided on just a hologram figure to practice with my imitation lightsaber.

I put the hologram at ‘moderate’ skill level, which after weeks of practicing with Kylo, it was relatively easy. So, I bumped the level up to ‘mature’, which quickly kicked my ass. I didn’t realize the time that had passed when my wristband signaled my end to the training.

 

\--

 

The figure never returned, but each morning I woke up feeling weaker, like something was leaching my energy from me. I continued to use the hologram room in Kylo’s absence. While returning to my room after using the machines, I realized Kylo had been gone for five nights rather than just the original three. _How did I not realize this?_

It must be due to the lack of sleep I was getting. I took my medication every morning and evening like I was instructed, yet I was still feeling like crap. While eating, I thought about messaging some medical personnel, but how do I explain the reason why I’m feeling exhausted when I didn’t even know. Throwing that idea away, I continued to worry about Kylo.

I left for my training before my alarm. I couldn’t continue to sit in my room knowing he hasn’t returned on time.

I decided to work with both the force and the lightsaber, so I before I left my room I took a towel so that I could wrap it around my head as a blindfold. I went to the panel to look through the options I had in mind. When I finally found it, I went to the center of the room and placed the makeshift blindfold on and got into my stance.

I felt the metal ball hit me in the shoulder before I could even connect with the force. Another one hit my torso. They were coming fast, but I was faster. I made the connection with the force quickly. I could almost picture the metal balls coming at me. I swung the replicated lightsaber, hearing it make contact with metal.

_Score one for Nym!_

I went through the motions and positions Kylo showed me during training and that I had also picked up from the hologram figure. The only sound that was made was the sound of metal hitting metal and the occasional grunt I made when I was hit, which was getting less and less as I was getting better.

I felt two balls coming my way; one was coming at my back while the other was coming towards my shin. While jumping up, I rotated in the air so that I could dodge the one below while hitting the one that was now in front of me.  When I landed, I instinctively swung the lightsaber in a circle with my wrist before getting back into my stance.

I was about to swing to hit another ball when I heard clapping behind me. I ripped the blindfold off, but not before I was hit in the head by the ball. I was rubbing my head when I turned to see who interrupted me.

 


	21. Changing Titles

I turned to see who had interrupted my solo training. Standing in all his menacing glory was Kylo. I didn’t know what to say or even do. So, I just continued to stand like a dumb ass with my mouth agape in the center of the room.

“How long have you been watching me?”, I asked hesitantly.

“Long enough to see your improvement.”

I put the lightsaber back onto the wall and closed down the program I was using by pressing a few keys on the control panel.

“You didn’t think to tell me that you were going to be late?”

“Why? You are simply my apprentice”, he remarked.

I slowly turned to face him directly, “Why? After the way you left me in the training room”, I said while gesturing in that general direction, “You ask why I was worried.”

My lack of sleep has caused me to be just slightly overdramatic, but I didn’t care, “Not once did you bother contacting me. You could have even sent a simple hologram!”

I placed my hand over my face, took a deep breath, then looked back at him. He was still standing where I found him, not saying a word since my outburst.

“You responded to me, so I assume you’re not a hallucination”, I said. I walked over to him, just to make sure he was real. I poked his arm, which I found was solid and not made of shadows or mist. I looked up at him, wanting him to say something, but he remained silent.

“I’m going to bed, if you’ll excuse me”, I said while beginning to leave the room.

 

\--

 

When I returned, I took a much needed shower, which helped wash away my tears. I just stood under the stream of water as the tears mixed. I took one more, deep sigh before I finished my evening routine. I learned to just grab my nightgown before taking a shower, so when I finally left the bathroom, I was ready for bed.

I wanted to finish reading a little before I went to bed, which I have found helps when I was having difficulty falling sleep. I was looking through which file I had stopped at yesterday when I heard someone clear their throat.

I instantly went into my defensive stance with the me automatically connecting to the force, but this was all unnecessary once I realized who it was. I lowered my arms and leaned against the desk, “Can I help you?”

Kylo was sitting in his usual chair with his head tilted to the side, “How did you not notice someone was in your room?”

“Because usually it’s been someone I don’t want to talk to.”

“Has the figure been coming back? Why didn’t you contact me?”

“You left me! What was I supposed to do? Call you crying that I couldn’t protect myself?”, my voice was quivering due to tears threatening to escape. I turned away to wipe the tears before they could fall. I heard him get up from the chair, but I remained standing next to the desk.

Kylo walked over so that he was standing in front of me. He took my right cheek and turned me so that I was looking at him. He observed my features while I just looked at his brown eyes.

“You look tired”, he said while rubbing a thumb under my eye, catching a tear.

“I’m too afraid to sleep”, I whispered, “But it doesn’t matter. I’m more exhausted when I sleep then when I don’t.”

He pulled his eyebrows down in worry, “I’ll stay tonight. Just sleep.”

“I’ll do my best”, I said while trying to smirk. I left his slight embrace and went over to my bed. Before I rolled to my side I watched him sit back down on his chair.

“I’ll have to be getting you a couch instead of the chair”, I said before I started to fall asleep.

 

\--

 

 _No_!

I woke up, thinking I heard a voice. _Just a dream_ , I thought before rolling over to go back to sleep.

“No, please, don’t kill her!”

I shot up, actually hearing a voice. After a moment I realized it was Kylo’s.

“Stop!”

I struggled out of my covers while unceremoniously falling down with half my calf wrapped in a sheet. Once I got untangled I went over to him.

Kylo was standing up near his chair, but he seemed to be dreaming. I slowly walked up to him while gently saying his name.

He turned to look at me, “You can’t kill her.”

“I’m not going to kill anyone”, I say while holding my hands up.

“Please”, he begged, obviously in distress.

“I promise”, I replied, “Why don’t you sit down for a moment.”

He did as I suggested. I crouched in front of him like he did with me all those days ago. I placed both of my hands gently on his temples and looked him in the eyes.

“Everything is going to be alright. I promise.”

He closed his eyes and visibly relaxed. I was about to take my hands off his temples when he opened his eyes again.

“Nymeria?”

“Yes?”

“What are you doing?”

_Shit_

“I, um, you, um, it doesn’t matter. I was just going back to bed”, I said nervously while standing up.

Before I could leave him, he took my hand, making me pause. He was looking at the ground while still holding onto my hand. He looked perplexed and at a lost.

“I think I was dreaming”, he whispered.

“I think so too”, I whispered back.

He looked up at me with such deep sadness and self loathing, it was like looking in a mirror. I stepped back over to him so that I was standing in front of him again. I placed his head against me, while his arms wrapped around my waist. I gently ran my fingers though his soft locks while I felt him shake, like he was silently sobbing.

After a moment I whispered, “why don’t you sleep in the bed? It’s big enough for both of us without bothering the other.”

He didn’t respond, but he did release my waist. I went over to the bed and replaced the cover that had fallen to the floor and rearranged the pillows evenly. He was on the opposite side of the bed, looking lost. I just smiled slightly at him while climbing under the covers. He hesitated before he sat on the edge to remove his boots.

Kylo hesitated again before taking his robe and shirt off, which left him in his pants and sleeveless undershirt. He laid down and pulled the covers up to his chest. We were both laying on our backs, listening to each other breathe.

My eyelids were slowly starting to close when I think I heard a ‘thank you’ before I fell into a dreamless sleep.

 

\--

 

I slowly woke to my alarm the next morning. I looked over to the other side of the bed and saw that it was empty. _He must have left early_.

I stretched then began my morning routines. I was surprisingly well rested and felt so much better than the days before. Because of this, I had more spirit in exercising then I usually did. Before I knew it, my second alarm had gone off.

I was back in my room eating when I heard a knock at my door, which was then opened by General Hux.

“You have an unscheduled meeting with the Supreme Leader.”

I quickly stood up from my seat, “When is it?”

“Now.”

“Will Commander Ren be joining us?”, I asked while we walked.

“No”, was his reply as I followed Hux down multiple hallways until we reached the same guarded double doors. The two Stormtroopers opened them for us, I began to walk in when I noticed Hux was not following.

“I have more important things to deal with than listening to you being scolded”, the General stated at my hesitation.

 _Fucking great_.

I continued into the dark room until I was in front of the giant throne where the hologram from of the Supreme Leader was sitting.

“Nymeria Arcinia, daughter of Aren Arcinia. Ren has told me you’ve had visions.”

So, we’re cutting right to the point, “Yes, sir.”

“Care to elaborate?”

I had to compile my thoughts, which wasn’t helpful that the Supreme Leader of the First Order was looming over me, waiting for my quick reply.

“The first wasn’t coherent. There were too many images and voices that I couldn’t make sense of it. The second time was a memory turned into a vision of my mother. The most recent one was with a man who was looking over a field of fallen Sith and Jedi warriors.”

He leaned forward in his throne, with both of his large hands grasping the armrests, “Describe the last vision.”

I shuddered, recalling the memory, “It was dark, like it was during the night. There were hundreds of people and creatures surrounding me. Half had blue lightsabers and half had red. I realized it was a vision when I saw a Sith run towards me, but he went through me. I watched the battle until it ended, with only one man remaining, who I assumed was just a survivor. He was tall, with tattoos on his temple and eyes.”

“Interesting”, Snoke said while leaning back in his throne and making a temple with his fingers, “It is good that you are having visions, and visions of past Sith Lords.”

Deep down, I felt as if I should keep the shadow figure a secret from Snoke. I don’t know why, but I didn’t feel like this was something I should share.

“Darth Bane, who I assume is who you saw in your vision, is the Sith who created the ‘power of two’. Although I am training Ren, and he is training you, we will be breaking this ancient Sith rule.

“If you are to train and follow the dark side, then you need a far more superior name than just an officer’s title.”

I immediately thought of the name the voices keep whispering; _Darth Arcinia_.

“Ren told me the name that Darth Bane called you, and I agree that it is suitable. You will now be named Darth Arcinia, apprentice to Kylo of the Knight of Ren.”


	22. A New Uniform

Instead of returning to my room after the meeting with the Supreme Leader, I went to the hologram room. I practice using the lightsaber until I blew away the anger I had inside me. I didn’t like this title. It was a name for someone that is powerful with the dark side, which I didn’t know if I was. I know I had a specific connection with the force, but I couldn’t feel if it was either dark or light. I know the little history of my ancestors through General Organa, but we never discussed this further after that initial ride to the Resistance Base.

I paused the program so that I could think for a moment. The Arcinia lineage contained many beings who were connected with the dark side of the force. Apparently, they killed those who leaned more towards the light side or those who just simply refused to join them.

I didn’t even know which of my mother’s parents was an Arcinia. I didn’t know anyone other than my mother.

 I was sitting against the wall with my head sitting on my knees when I heard someone walk in. I didn’t have to look up to know who it was. During our hours of training, I learned to feel Kylo through the force before I had to actually see him. I glanced up to see that he was removing his helmet, which he sat beside him as he slid down the wall to sit beside me.

“Hux told me you had a meeting with the Supreme Leader”, he stated while getting comfortable on the floor.

I put my head back down on my knees while my arms that were wrapped around them tightened, “I did.”

“Care to elaborate?”

“Care to tell me why you’ve told Snoke about my vision?”

“Supreme Leader Snoke, and because of _his_ title it was his right to know”, he replied. I could tell he was getting angry, so I just dropped the argument.

“The _Supreme Leader_ decided I needed my title changed from that of an officer to one of a Sith apprentice.”

He took in a sharp breath, which made me realize he didn’t know about Snoke’s plan, “What is your new title?”

I turned my head while it was still rested on my knees so that I could see his reaction when I told him, “Darth Arcinia.”

He masked his emotions well, but I could tell by the slight twitch in his lower eyelid that he disapproved.

“You don’t like it?”, I whispered.

“I didn’t think you were ready for such a title, and one that a vision gave you.”

“Not just a vision, but also from the shadow and the voices.”

“You’re hearing voices too? Why didn’t you tell me?”, he was definitely angry now. He looked at me while gripping onto the top of his helmet. I knew he was about to throw it, so I said the first thing that came to my mind, “I was afraid that I was going insane and because of this, you might not want me as an apprentice.”

He closed his eyes while taking the bridge of his nose with the hand that wasn’t gripping the helmet. He released his breath after holding it for a moment, “We’ll discuss the voices later, right now I guess with your new title you’ll need a new outfit.”

“What’s wrong with what I have on?”, I asked, glancing down at my clothes. I had on the usual pair of grey boots, black leggings, and shirt with the First Order symbol on the sleeve.

“It is not suitable for a newly labeled Sith apprentice.”

“Alright, what is your idea then?”

He stood up with his helmet in one hand, while the other was gestured towards me to take, “You’ll just have to come and see.”

 

\--

 

I followed Ren through multiple hallways, which I grew lost by our third turn. We walked in silence, which was fine, because I needed to think about this new title. I was wrapped up in my thoughts when I bumped into Kylo’s back, signifying that he had stopped. He punched in a few numbers on the key pad, which caused the door to open.

Walking in, I noticed there was a desk at the center of the room. We went up to it, which must have signaled for three droids to appear from the walls. Kylo handed them a chip, which one of them took. It processed whatever was on that chip and began to come near me. I backed up instinctively before I felt a hand on my lower back.

“They just need to scan you for measurements”, Kylo said though his helmet.

I nodded my head while turning to face the three droids. They began to surround me while scanning my body. This took less than a minute before they disappeared back inside the walls.

Kylo turned and started to leave the room, “That’s it?”

“All they needed was the measurements, from there they will create the suit, which I gave them the design.”

“Alright”, I replied as I followed him back into the hallway, “when will it be finished?”

“Sometime in the morning, which is good because if alterations need to be made, we’ll having time before the mission to fix it.”

“What mission?”

He paused, then continued to walk stating, “I must have forgotten to tell you. You are scheduled for your first mission tomorrow. We will be leaving around the same time we have our lessons.”

 _We, so I wasn’t going alone_.

“I’ll send you more details once the suit arrives tomorrow.”

We started back the way we came until we reached my room. He put in the keycode, which opened the door. He gestured for me to enter first. I went over to my desk, not knowing what to do. _Why am I suddenly nervous_?

I heard Kylo behind me, but I remained looking at my tablet that was in its usual spot on the desk. I heard the hiss of his helmet being removed then a ‘clank’ as he dropped it on the ground. I felt him approach me from behind, which caused me to turn around.

He was closer to me than I thought he would be. He was easily a foot taller than I was, which allowed him to lean towards me better. We gazed into each other’s eyes, each assessing the other’s soul. I saw the pain he was trying to mask in his brown eyes while I’m sure mine was just as mirrored.

 **“** You have the most astonishing eyes”, he said while gently placing a hand to my flaming cheek, “The left has more brown than blue, but yet, they also look green.”

“My mother used to say I had the whole world in my eyes”, I whispered. I scrunched my eyebrows together in confusion. _Why did I just tell him that?_

“My father told me my eyes were brown because I was full of shit.”

I cracked a smile and snickered unintentionally due to the fact that I was not expecting that comment. The corner of his mouth tilted up in a smile too. I tried to hold in a laugh by rolling my lips in between my teeth, but I couldn’t help it. I laughed for the first time in months, which felt amazing. I laughed so hard I made a little snort, which caused Kylo to begin snickering. I put my hand over my mouth, mumbling an apology.

I went to wipe a tear away from laughing so hard, but he beat me to it. As he was wiping the stray away, I took a deep breath and smiled at him. This was when he leaned down so that our lips were level, but he hesitated. He pressed his forehead to mine for a moment before he kissed me.

It was a slow kiss at first, one that allowed the heat between us to slowly burn. I instinctively wrapped one arm around his neck while the other I placed on his jawline. His hands were to both sides of my face, but quickly moved to my neck and lower back. We both fought for dominance, but I quickly gave up, allowing him to set the pace.

I slightly pushed him away so that I could breath. We still had our foreheads pressed together, trying to catch our breaths. I leaned back a little so that I could look in his eyes, “Kylo?”

“I don’t think I’ll have the strength to stop if we continue.”

Without thinking, I replied, “Then don’t.”


	23. Connections

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello one and all.   
> This next chapter gets pretty heated, so this is me WARNING ALL OF YOU! MATURE CONTENT AHEAD!!!  
> *Cheering in background*
> 
> That is all.

*MATURE CONTENT WARNING*

 

I was so unprepared with his reply. He quickly lifted me up so that I could sit on the desk that was behind me. He stood between my legs, which allowed me to wrap them around his waist so that I could pull him closer to me. The kiss before was a slow burn while this one felt like fire in my veins. I didn’t want it to ever stop. This kiss was the most passionate kiss I have ever experienced.

I gripped onto his hair and pulled on the hair at the nape of his neck, which caused him to hiss. He pulled back to look at me. All of the pain that was once in his eyes was replaced with a fiery need, it almost frightened me. I pulled him back towards me, but he instead kissed my jawline and down to my throat.

I leaned into him as I looked up at the ceiling so he had better access to my neck. He hit that spot just by my ear, which caused me to moan while gripping his hair and neck. Kylo quickly returned to my lips as he pushed harder against me.

I felt his growing need, which was quite evident. I wrapped my legs tighter around him to make it so that even a sheet of paper couldn’t get between us. The fire that was once a burn was spreading fast.

He began to kiss the other side of my neck, which made me whimper his name. He kissed that same spot as before, which again, made me audibly sigh. The second time he returned to my lips, he quickly picked me up and began to walk. I wrapped my arms and legs tighter around him while he gripped my backside. He dropped me onto the bed, which let me recline on my elbows.

He then started to pull my boots and socks off, which once removed he started on his own. I scooted backwards so that I was more on the bed while he pulled his shirt off, leaving him in his pants and undershirt. He followed me onto the bed until he was over me. We started to kiss again with his hands straying lower. He pulled back so that he could lift my shirt, then undershirt above my head, which left me only in my pants, bra, and my mother’s necklace. He straddled my legs while he leaned back so that he could look at me. 

“Beautiful”, he whispered. I went to cover my chest, but his hand stopped me, “Don’t hide yourself.”

Kylo lifted the crystal necklace to observe it, “I didn’t realize you owned a Kyber crystal”, he said as he placed it back on my chest. He began to trace the scars on my right arm from where Ghent had attacked me, and the blaster wound on my shoulder.

“I remember when you got this”, he gently brushed over the circular scar, “That was when you kept running away from me.”

His face suddenly scrunched like he was in physical pain. He twisted off me, which caused a lot of confusion on my part. “Kylo?”

“I apologize for taking advantage over you”, he said as he went to get out of the bed. I didn’t give him a chance before I now straddled him. I took both of my hands and placed it on his face and kissed him hard. Thankfully, he began to kiss back, which signaled me to start removing his undershirt. I quickly placed my hands on his pale, marbled chest, feeling his muscles twitch under my fingers, “You are not taking advantage over me”, I replied while looking him straight in his beautiful brown eyes. He leaned against me again so that I would have the bed against my back and him over me.

Kylo placed one hand on my hips to steady them while the other he tentatively placed on my breast. I continued to pull him close and tug at the hair that ended near his neck. He slipped his hand under my bra, which allowed him to pull it off. I was now bare chested under him. He looked at me with that same fiery need as before. I didn’t have time to register my thoughts as he leaned in and took a breast by his mouth while the other he gripped in his hand. I had one hand on his shoulder while the other I used to hold his neck.

He pinched and rolled my nipple while he continued to suck on the other. He switched, so that the twin had the same influence. I continued to moan until he began to kiss lower. He stopped where my pants began. He seemed disappointed with the inconvenience, but he quickly removed the obstacle away. He now looked at me completely bare beneath him.

“So beautiful.”

I blushed, but this didn’t stop him from staring. I had the urge to cover myself, but before I could, I noticed his eyes lingering on the burn.

“Not so beautiful now”, I said. He swiftly turned his head back at me.

“No”, he said as he began to trace the scar on my thigh, “No, this makes you even more beautiful.”

I felt tears welling up, but they were not able to fall before he leaned back down and began kissing me again. He had one hand twisting the nipple of my breast while the other was traveling lower. He gently pushed my thighs apart so that he could settle between them. He then took his hand and traveled between my thighs. I didn’t understand what he was doing until I felt his fingers slide against my inner folds.

I gasped, not realizing his goal until he brushed a finger against the little ball of nerves. I arched my back, causing his arousal to push against my lower abdomen. He gently pushed a finger inside me. This caused him to groan my name before he pushed himself back so that he could remove his pants.

I continued to lay their panting, watching him. He must have seen the fear in my eyes when I finally saw him, “Have you ever laid with a man?”

“No”, I whispered.

I saw surprise initially on his face, but it was quickly replaced by that fired look. He came back to settle between my legs so that he could kiss me.

“I will be gentle, but you will tell me if you want to stop, understand?”

I couldn’t verbally say yes, so I just stuck to nodding my head. He reached down between us so that he could take hold of his member and guide it to my entrance. I held my breath as he slowly entered me. I gasped, not realizing the pain associated with it. He hesitated until I nodded for him to continue, which he did until he was fully inside me.

He allowed me to take a couple breaths before he began to pull out. He pumped slowly at first, allowing me to become adjusted. The burning pain began to turn into pleasure, and once I started to moan his name did he start moving faster.

I gripped his back muscles and neck while he had both his hands under my shoulders with his elbows on either side of my ribs. He buried his face in the crook of my neck as his thrusts got faster and harder. I was gasping and sighing his name until I began to feel myself climbing and unknown ladder.

He took one of his hands and placed it between us again so that he could rub that little ball of nerves. I arched my back and wrapped my feet around him. Wherever this climb was leading to, I felt like I would fall any second. Kylo’s thrusts started to become sporadic, but I didn’t notice because I had reached my own climax. This feeling started between my thighs and traveled throughout my limbs and abdomen. I thought I saw stars and I felt like I was falling.

When I was coming down from my high, Kylo must have been reaching his, because he thrusted once more before I felt and heard him groan. I then felt a hot wetness where he was still entered. He gently collapsed on me, both of us trying to catch our breaths.

When we finally settled, he turned towards me so that he could brush a stray curl from my face. I turned my head to look at him too, which in return I gave him a small smile. He cupped the side of my face before kissing my forehead. I took his neck to keep him from pulling away. We stayed like this, both on our sides holding each other while our heads were pressed together. I was slowly starting to fall asleep when Kylo mumbled something, but at this point I was incoherent.

“Nymeria.”

“Nym”, I whispered back.

“Nym”, he brushed me cheek in an attempt to wake me.

“Hmmm?”

“I think, I think I’m falling for you”, he whispered while pulling the covers over my shoulders.

“Nym”, he whispered again.

“Hmmm?”

“Please don’t ever leave me.”

“Okay”, I said before falling into a deep and dreamless sleep.


	24. Burning

I felt heat begin to creep into my limbs. At first it was uncomfortable, but then it became unbearable. I jolted awake to find that I was standing instead of sleeping. I was surrounded by heat and black stone. Steam was hissing between cracks in the rocks while sometimes a deep red colored liquid would spew out. There were waterfalls of the same red colored liquid poring over cliffs.

I continued to look around and noticed I was on some sort of landing pad. I heard voices far behind me, which turning around I noticed two men circling each other. One was in a lighter outfit while the other in a darker. They seemed to be in dispute, but I was too far away to hear what they were saying. Then, the lighter one ignited his blue lightsaber, which caused the other to react similarly.

They soon began to duel each other, I didn’t want to become involved, but something was pulling me to follow them. I ran over to the ship and noticed a woman unconscious on the ground. I noted that she was still breathing before I followed the men inside the metal building. They continued to attack one another with their lightsabers in what looked like a control room. I was looking at the scattered bodies when I heard an alarm sounding. I saw that something was being disarmed, but I was too worried about the fight happening in front of me.

They continued back outside; I had no idea which man I should be concerned over. I didn’t know which one was good or bad, but they both seemed to be equally matched. They began to cross a river of this red liquid on a pipe, and for some reason I felt I needed to follow still, yet I hesitated. What made me pause in my pursuit to follow the two men was that the darker dressed one had the same yellow eyes as the Sith Lord, Darth Bane.

The vision blacked for a moment and I was thankful that it was finally over, but when I opened my eyes again I still wasn’t in my room. Instead I was standing on the bank of the black rock while the man in the lighter uniform was yelling at the darker dressed man who was on a hovering piece of metal over the red river. The darker one jumped over the lighter dressed man, who quickly severed the man’s legs. I instantly felt pain in my legs as the man rolled to the edge of the red river.

I collapsed to the ground due to the pain. My legs were still intact, though I couldn’t move them. I noticed the man in the lighter outfit saying something about once caring for the now legless man. I was still writhing in pain when I noticed the limbs of the man catching fire, which also felt like my legs were burning. I didn’t notice the lighter dressed man leaving, all I could feel was burning all over my body. Pain so similar to when I was a child, but the pain was everywhere and not just my thigh.

All I could do was scream in pain. Suddenly, I felt cool hands on my face, even though I was still surrounded by the heat and darkness of this vision.

_Nym_

Was that my mother’s voice? I tried to look around, but the pain was too much to bear. I finally just closed my eyes and begged the force for mercy.

 

\--

 

“Nym”, I heard a whisper. It was like a ribbon that echoed around me, “Open your eyes.”

I shook my head, too afraid of another vision, “I can’t”, I whispered back.

“It is alright little comet.”

I felt hands surround my face and hair. When I opened my eyes, I was met with blinding white light. I squinted and noticed a figure in front of me, who I realized was the one touching me. I took a step back instinctively, which caused the cool hands to drop from my face. I finally took a good look at the person in front of me.

The first thing I felt was denial, that it couldn’t be possible. I tried to shake my head to clear my thoughts, but this didn’t help. The second feeling was fear. I was afraid that I had died too. The final feeling was sadness. The realization of looking at the woman I had killed all those years ago crashed into me like a kick in the abdomen.

I expected anger and hate to radiate from her and I was prepared to shield myself from it, but all I saw in her was peace.

“Mama?”

“Yes child.”

“Oh Mama!”, I cried as I crushed her in a hug. She was still slim, but I was now the same height as her. Her hair was still the curly blonde and her eyes grey. She looked the same as she did all those years ago.

I couldn’t hold back the tears. All of those years of feeling that burning in my chest that was caused from the hate I had of myself. All of those years of feeling like I had destroyed everything.

My mother cradled my head and rubbed my back like she did when I was a child. She began to hum our lullaby.

“I’m so, so sorry Mama. I –“, I chocked on a sob, unable to voice my apology, my shame, my hatred.

“Shhh, child. I know.”

I continued to sob into her shoulder while she continued to rub my back and neck. Years could have passed, and I wouldn’t have noticed.

“Nym”, my mother whispered, “You have to return to him now. You have go.”

I released her so that I would look her in the eyes, “I won’t leave you. Not again.”

She cupped my cheek and wiped a tear away, “I know, but you need to go back to him.”

She began to walk away from me, but I gripped her wrist. I was unable to release her.

My mother turned to look at me, “Comet, you have to understand. You cannot stay here any longer than you have already. Your band is weak, and I have tried to restore it the best I could, but you need to go back. Please understand.”

She started to fade while I still gripped onto her wrist, refusing to let go. I closed my eyes when she disappeared, feeling the dread of losing her twice.

 

\--

 

I sat up, gasping for air. Someone had my shoulders, but I was too frightened to comprehend who it was. I punched the person in the side of the face, which caused them to release my shoulders and allow me to scramble away. I couldn’t get far because the sheets were wrapped around my legs and torso, so I finally gave up and turned to see my attacker.

Kylo was glaring at me while rubbing his jaw. _Oh fuck, I just punched him._

“I’m sorry”, I said while trying to remove my legs from the sheets, but that’s when I realized I was naked without them, so I quickly pulled the covers over my chest.

“You were screaming in your sleep”, he said while still rubbing his jaw, “It seemed to be more than a nightmare.”

“I had another vision, but it was more vivid than when I saw the other Sith Lord.”

Kylo looked at the corner of the room, like he couldn’t look at me when he said, “Your eyes turned a dark yellow while you screamed. Your mind was closed from me, and I tried to get you to wake up, but all you did was scream.”

I began to tremble with fear when he confessed what he witnessed. I started to breath quickly while reminiscing the vision, of feeling like I had my legs cut off and then my body burning.

“I think I saw my mother”, I said while gripping onto the sheets. That’s when I noticed I was holding something in my left hand. I opened it and gasped.

In the palm of my hand was a bracelet I had made my mother when I was about three or four. I remember Zuke helping me braid the thread together so that it would make a pattern. We had used leftover thread from the shop that was too short to sell.

Tears brimmed my eyes while I looked at the bracelet. Delmon had found a couple small beads to add to it too, which were still smooth when I rubbed them together. I wiped a tear away when I looked up at Kylo watching me.

“It must have slipped off her wrist when she disappeared”, I said while untying the knot so that I could replace it on my own wrist, “She wore this the day she died. I didn’t think I’d ever see it again.”

“How did you get it?”, Kylo asked while looking paler than usual.

“After the vision, I woke to find my mother. She was leaving me when I took her wrist and pleaded for her to stay. She said I had to return, which when I opened my eyes again I, um, punched you.”

I gestured my arm out to him, so that he could help me tie the bracelet on, which I was struggling to do on my own. He quickly tied a knot, and then he turned so that he laid back on the pillows, perpendicular to where I was sitting. He began to rub his eyes and then placed the palm of his hand on his face and sighed.

I gently placed my hand on his arm, “Kylo?”

“I am so sorry Nym. I shouldn’t have taken advantage of you”, he said with his hands still covering his face, “I might be the reason as to why you had that vision. I must have triggered something.”

I moved closer to him while still holding the sheet, “We were both consenting adults, nobody was taken advantage of. Plus, I feel like I would have had that vision regardless of what I did before I fell asleep.”

“But I am your master and you my apprentice, we shouldn’t have gone that far.”

“You regret it?”, I was hurt hearing this. The first time I bring myself to finally trust someone to share a bed with and they immediately regret it.

Kylo sat up, showing me his bare chest. He reached over and caressed my cheek, “I never said I regret what happened, in fact I will never forget it.”

I placed my hand over his that was still on my cheek. I closed my eyes and sighed.

“Nym”, Kylo said while still having his hand on my cheek, “Would it be alright if I watched your memories of the vision?”

I knew this was necessary to figure why these visions keep happening, to understand their pattern, and also because he was my master and I the apprentice. But still, I was terrified of reliving the burning again. I also didn’t think I could bear to see my mother walking away from me again.

My face must have been like an open book, because Kylo immediately came over to me and wrapped me in his arms so that he held me like I was a child. My back was slightly against his chest while I wrapped one arm around his torso while the other I placed on his arm that was wrapped around my abdomen.

I didn’t cry, but I still shook from the after effects of the vision and of seeing my mother, “She said that she repaired the band she placed, but it’s growing weaker. Maybe that’s why I’m getting these visions. But I don’t understand them or who these people are.”

Kylo just continued to hold me while he let me calm down a little. Once my adrenaline rush receded, Kylo brushed the hand that wasn’t wrapped around me to my head. I took a deep breath and nodded, allowing him to enter my memories and thoughts.

We both witnessed as the two men dueled, as one of the burned and I assumed died, and then my mother. When it was finished, I had my grip on him so tight, I’m sure I left bruises. Kylo readjusted both of us so that we were laying on our sides face each other. We didn’t need to look at each other, we just laid there in silence, absorbing what we saw.

“I believe I know who that was, but I need to be sure”, Kylo said.


	25. The Mission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again  
> This is another lovely reminder that there is mature content ahead.   
> *Clapping in background*  
> Thank you, thank you.   
> Again, MATURE CONTENT YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!

*MATURE CONTENT AHEAD*     (eventually)

I adjusted my sleeve before I started to place the armor on. The sleeve was black that had a small hole where I could put my thumb through, which didn’t allow the sleeve to roll up once I placed the suit covers over my forearm.

I looked back in the box where the rest of the suit remained. It came earlier in the day after Kylo went through the vision. He was currently speaking with the Supreme Leader about this vision while I stayed behind to try on my new set of armor. It was very similar to that of a typical Stormtroopers’, but it was solid black. Everything from the breastplate, the shoes, even the helmet was a dark, midnight black.

I continued to put the pieces on one by one until I was completely suited; the only part remaining was the helmet. This all took longer than I thought it would. I went into my bathroom so that I could get a look. My reflection showed a strong, healthy woman in a kick ass Stormtrooper armor. _Hot damn, this makes my ass look great_ , I thought while twisting and turning to get the full effect. That’s when I realized the helmet was still in the box.

I was rummaging through the box to find a couple blasters too along with my helmet. I was placing the helmet on when I heard the hall door open. I stood up and turned to face Kylo walking into my room.

He paused when he saw me in my full uniform, “Darth Arcinia.”

“Commander Ren”, I replied, causing a distorted voice to come through the helmet. _Nice_.

Kylo removed his helmet while I followed suit, “How does it fit?”

“Really well, which I don’t think it needs any adjustments”, I said while pulling on pieces here and there. Kylo began to circle around me while pulling and pushing the pieces of armor to make sure they were in place.

“It looks suitable enough. Do you believe you’re prepared for this mission?”

“Yes”, I said. He was now facing me, which made me blush. He went to brush a stray hair away when his hologram began to light up on his belt.

Kylo looked up at the ceiling, took a deep breath, and went to answer the hologram. I went back to the bathroom to see myself through the helmet. Seeing myself in the armor made me feel powerful. I finally looked intimidating, which Poe always said I never did. This memory caused a sudden ache in my chest, which was then replaced with the burning anger. How dare he and the General fake their kindness when they very well knew what they did. I took the helmet off, gripped it in my fist, and used it to punch into the full length mirror.

Kylo was quickly in the bathroom with me, seeing what the noise was. I turned to look at him, “I apologize for the mirror.”

“I’ll get it replaced”, he said with concern written on his face. This was quickly replaced with what I would call pride when I asked, “When are we leaving for this mission?”

“Now.”

 

\--

 

Kylo Ren and myself entered the large landing port within the Star Destroyer. This was the same hanger that Ren had taken me to before we left for my planet. Thinking about the gruesome scene I found upon landing only ignited my anger even more. I was beyond livid to the point that I didn’t even goggle at the massive opening that lead into space.

Kylo led me to his TIE-silencer that was surrounded by Stormtroopers. When we walked near them, they all saluted. This brought a surge of power along with pride at my position in the First Order. I was never saluted when I was with the Resistance, I was merely a rat to get them information from missions.

General Hux was waiting for us at the ramp of the TIE-silencer. He handed both Ren and I tablets that had the detail of the mission in a file, “We have information that may involve the whereabouts of Skywalker.”

Kylo just turns and walks up the ramp. I look at Hux and nod, then go to follow my master up into the spacecraft. We are the only two on board when the ramp begins to close. Kylo motions for me to follow him into the cockpit at the front. I sit in the co-pilot seat, allowing me access to the cannons on the ship.

_Finally!_

I was usually co-pilot for Poe when he wasn’t flying his X-wing. _Why am I getting bombarded with these useless memories?_

“Are you ready?”, Kylo asks besides me, which brings me out of my once happy memory.

“Yes.”

“Good, this flight might take a while, which will give you time to debrief the mission.”

We left the Star Destroyer with the following ships full of Stormtroopers. Once we were clear, we shifted into hyperspace. I began to look through the file, which some contents were detailed while others were not.

The mission was simple enough; we were heading to a planet that was possibly holding a Resistance base. We were to investigate and possibly terminate anyone who were a part of that blasted organization.

“Who is this Skywalker person?”, I asked once I shut the tablet off.

Kylo continued to pilot the ship, hesitating before answering my questions, “He is a Jedi who is also from a family of force users. He disappeared years ago after a certain incident. The First Order has people searching for whoever has information on his whereabouts.”

He didn’t seem like he wanted to go into details on what this ‘incident’ was, so I dropped the subject.

We continued to fly until we reached a green and blue planet. We landed with grace while being flanked by the other ships containing the Stormtroopers. We exited the ship via the ramp. There was a rather large city ahead of us with a group of people walking our way. Kylo walked ahead with me following close behind.

I had my blaster withdrawn, holding it in front of my chest in case I needed to be ready for anyone who dared attacked. I swept my vision, constantly checking for movement in the trees, bushes, and rocks that surrounded us. Kylo continued to walk until we reached the group of people.

While the grouped stopped, a single male continued forward towards us. He had on a red and gold robe while his white hair cascaded down his back. He had multiple jewels on his fat finger while the rest of his outfit was covered in different gems.

“Lord Commander of the First Order! My, isn’t this just a surprise!”, said the overdressed male. He was visibly nervous, which can be seen by the way he was gripping his hands in front of himself. 

“If I were to contact you prior to our visit, then that would have given the Resistance the chance to escape, now would it?”, Ren relied. He seemed like a statue while he spoke.

“That, um, yes. Yes, that makes sense, though you will find that there are no beings here that associate with that particular organization”, the man was now visibly sweating. He glanced in my direction while I was flanking Kylo’s side. I tilted my helmet slightly to the side, which caused him to visibly tremble before turning his focus back to Kylo.

“From the information sent to the First Order, this statement would be false”, Kylo replied.

“Then please, allow me to show my gratitude towards the First Order and prove that none are betraying you. If you would please follow me”, the man gestured towards the city before slowly backing away.

As we began walking to the city’s center, the man described himself as the City Leader and we were to label him has Leader Coryn. He is to take us to the city center where we are to have rooms and services for each Stormtrooper and our officers. We will also be given an area to set up our communication area since we are staying here for almost a week due to the time it’ll take us to search the city.

“If you need anything, please do not hesitate to ask. I will see you on the morrow then”, City Leader Coryn stated before he practically ran out of the hall.

I turned towards our officers, “Each of you were assigned a group. Each group will be given a section of the city to begin their searches. Since this city is so large, we will begin on the outside of the city and work our way in. I want three groups situated at all times throughout the city in order to spot any movements of possible Resistance. These tablets have the city mapped and are colored based on your individual sections. If you have any questions or concerns you report back to me, is this understood?”

Each Stormtrooper officer saluted and stated, “Yes Darth Arcinia.”

This made me swell with pride and I was glad my helmet was still in place because I’m sure I had a goofy ass smile plastered on my face. The officers left the hall to their groups, who were waiting outside the building. Kylo was still standing behind me, watching me give my orders, “You did well.”

“Thank you”, I said while turning to face him.

He walked passed me out the door, “Let us begin your fist mission Darth Arcinia.”

 

\--

 

We searched each home and building on the outskirts of the city; finding nothing of concern. The people looked at us with terror, but this didn’t faze me as I originally thought it would. They should fear us in order to follow us. Peace is a hard lie, to which there is only passion.

After searching for hours, the groups returned to the center hall. After the officers debriefed their minimal findings, which none ended up being a concern, we all retired to our rooms. I was walking behind Kylo to our quarters when he paused at my door.

“I’m going to shower, but you’re welcome to stay”, I say to him once it was clear that we were alone.

He nods his still helmeted head before walking into the room. I quickly follow and start to remove the armor. I hear the hiss of his helmet being removed before I take mine off too. I was unclasping the wrist sections when I feel hands wrap around my torso. Kylo places his chin on my shoulder while he sighs. I continue to remove the wrist guard before I reach up and run my gloved hand through his hair.

“I could stay like this forever”, he says.

“Me too, but I’d rather have a shower first.”

He gently releases me before he helps me remove the rest of the Stormtrooper outfit. I turn to face him once I’m clear of the suit. I reach up and place my hand on the side of his face while the other I run through his hair again, “Your hair is always so soft”, I whisper.

He just closes his eyes while his full lips form a small smile. I pull his head down so that I could reach his cheek. I gave him a quick kiss before turning to the small bathroom. His fingers catch on my mother’s bracelet he helped tie on my wrist. He brought my hand up to him to give it a kiss before he released me completely, which caused me to turn a deep crimson as usual.

I showered quickly, thinking that even though I didn’t do much today, that suit was still warm enough for me to sweat. I wrapped a towel around me before I reentered the bedroom, finding Kylo reclined on the bed with his hands behind his back.

“Don’t you look comfortable”, I said while combing through my curls with my fingers.

“I’d be more comfortable if you were beside me”, he replied without opening his eyes.

I rolled my eyes, knowing he couldn’t see me. I continued to comb my hair while looking around the small room, trying to find the bag I had packed that contained a change of clothes and my nightgown.

“Is this what you’re looking for?”, I heard Kylo sit up. I turned, finding that he had my small black bag hanging from his hand. I walked over to grab it, but not before he grabbed me by the waist and pulled me onto the bed with him.

I made a squealing noise when he grabbed me. He settled me on my back while he was leaning over me, “I believe you are overdressed for this occasion”, Kylo said while slightly pulling at the knot I made in the front of the towel.

I swatted his hands away gently, “No, I think it’s you who is overdressed Lord Commander.”

“Is that so?”, he said while leaning towards me. His kiss was light, yet it still caused a slow burning within me. I wrapped my hands around his neck, pulling him closer. I allowed him to have dominance over this kiss. He gently pulled my still wet hair, causing me to lift my chin. This allowed him easy access to my throat, which let him kiss that certain spot by my ear that caused me to moan.

“If you continue to make that seducing noise, I will have no self control over my actions”, Kylo leaned back so that we could look each other in the eyes, “Though this doesn’t sound too bad.”

He leaned back down so that he could continue to kiss that certain area on my throat. I tried to not moan, but I couldn’t help it escaping, “Nym.”

I put my hands over my eyes, “I can’t help it. Really!”

Kylo pulled my hands away, “Then don’t ever stop”, he said while sliding his long, pale fingers down my side. He continued his journey to my waist and then my thigh. He watched my expression, which I was trying to mask and look serious. He smirked while he moved his hand to my inner thigh, pinching slightly.

I raised my brow like a champion, still masking my face with boredom. His smirked increased as he got closer to my most intimate area. As his fingers slid closer to my lips, he leaned forward, “I bet I could make you sing.”

“I highly doubt- “, I was cut off when he brushed two fingers against the little ball of nerves. I glared up at him as he gently opened my thighs wider while also pushing up the towel that was still wrapped around me.

“Hmm, I might have to try a different perspective.”

This caused a wave of confusion to hit me, “What- “, he continued to smirk as he lowered himself down my abdomen so that he was now eye level with my nether regions.

“Kylo. What are you doing?”, I tried to close my legs out of embarrassment, but he held them open.

“You are absolutely divine Nymeria Arcinia”, Kylo leaned further down and gently blew on my inner lips, causing me to gasp.

I couldn’t tell what his plans were, but at this point I didn’t care. I leaned back onto the pillows, biting my lip to keep from making a sound. I felt one of his hands keep my thighs open to him while the other was toying with that little button of nerves. What I wasn’t expecting was the hot wetness of his tongue that began to lick and probe my opening.

He hummed his delight, which caused these delicious vibrations to travel through me. He began to maneuver his tongue around the little button while inserting his middle finger into my entrance. By this point I was moaning quietly into my fist while the other hand was grasping his hair to hold him in place. He then inserted two fingers, which caused me to reach the highest rungs on the ladder and allowed me to fall into bliss.

As I was coming down from my climax, I noticed Kylo was removing his clothing. I pulled on the knot at the towel until it came undone. Once both of us were bare to each other, Kylo leaned over to kiss me.

I noticed the taste of myself on his lips, which caused the start of my climb. Tasting myself on him was arousing enough for me to groan into the kiss.

Kylo whispered in my ear, “Try not to make a sound.”

I could feel his arousal on my abdomen between us. He lifted his body up, allowing him to take hold of himself and level it with my entrance. I could feel the head of his member, which he slowly thrusted into me.

I gasped in pleasure before I buried my face in Kylo’s neck. He made a growling sound before his thrusts began to take a pattern. I gripped onto his pale shoulders and back while he continued to drive himself into me. To keep from moaning loudly, I bit onto his shoulder, causing him to hesitate for a fraction of a second before his momentum quickened. I had a metallic taste in my mouth, but it was quickly forgotten when Kylo started to kiss my throat.

He reached between us like he did that fist time to flick the button of nerves, causing me to quickly fall from that ladder again when I reached my climax. Kylo wasn’t far away from me when his pumping became irregular. He kissed me while he hit his climax too, causing him to groan in the kiss while I felt the familiar warm wetness within me.

He kissed me quickly before he collapsed beside me. When our breathing returned to normal, Kylo asked, “Did you bite me?”

I blushed hard, “You told me not to make a sound.”

“So, you bit me?”

“Maybe”, I quickly rolled over to my side with my back facing me.

“You drew blood”, he said, which I rolled back over to investigate. I did indeed draw blood. There was a circular area of red on his pale skin with dots of blood forming.

“Oh. Let me clean that before it gets infected”, I grabbed my towel and went to the bathroom. I cleaned myself up and then grabbed the wound supply kit from our luggage.

I was climbed back into bed with him and began cleaning the area that I had made in passion. Kylo continued to watch me work. I couldn’t meet his eyes without blushing, even though we just completed an act that shouldn’t cause me to blush every time I looked at him.

“I might have also scratched your back”, I said while getting on my knees so that I could look over his shoulder.

“What am I to do with you Nym?”, he said while smirking.

I didn’t answer him as I dabbed some liquid on his back, which should be stinging him, but he didn’t move or make a sound. Once I finished, I placed everything on the floor and pulled the covers around us.

Kylo rolled me out of the towel and pulled my back against him, “Goodnight Nym.”

“Goodnight Kylo.”


	26. Disoriented

I woke up hearing sobbing from the other side of the room. Instinctively, I put my hand on Kylo’s side of the bed, feeling that it was cold and empty. I sat up, immediately seeing a figure sitting in one of the plush chairs against the side of the wall. I pulled the sheet around me as I carefully walked over to Kylo.

He was sitting on the edge of the chair with his head bent, his hands holding his face. I gently pressed my hand onto his shoulder. This made him flinch first, then once he realized it was me, he pulled me against him.

Just like the last time, I cradled his head against my stomach as I brushed my fingers through his soft, dark hair. Without realizing it, I began to hum the lullaby that my mother sang to me. Kylo’s shoulders slowly stopped shaking until he was still again. I stopped humming and took both of his hands, pulling him towards the bed. The sheet slipped away from my form, but I continued to walk, not caring if he saw me bare.

I laid back onto the pillows as he gently laid on top of me. His head rested at the base of my sternum, which caused his hair to splay across my breasts.

“Do you remember the words?”, he asked as he got comfortable. Because of his height compared to mine, his legs went far past my feet. This allowed me to wrap one of my legs over his upper thigh and for my hands to lightly run through his hair like before.

“I only remember the first couple verses”, I replied as I pulled the remaining covers over us both.

“Could you sing them to me?”, he asked in a whisper.

“Of course.”

I sang to Kylo Ren, the Commander of the First Order, to sleep. Both of us finally being able to sleep without dreams.

 

\--

 

The morning was still early, but Kylo and I began to dress in our armor. He was fully dressed before I even had half of my suit on.

“Would you like assistance?”

I was glaring at the piece in my hands, “No, I need to figure this out”, I replied before realizing this piece was part of the shin piece and not my forearm. I threw the piece in frustration while Kylo just watched my outburst.

I quickly composed myself, “I apologize. I’m not angry at you, I just have a bad feeling.”

Kylo didn’t miss a beat and continued as if I didn’t just throw a piece of my armor, “I need to report to Hux about our minimal findings. Apparently, our new base is completed. We are to return there after this mission instead of the Star Destroyer”, he said while placing the hologram away, “I’ll let you finish getting ready and I’ll meet you outside with the officers.” Kylo grabbed his helmet to walk out of the room. Before he left he paused and turned to look at me. He smiled at me instead of smirking before he left me alone in the room.   

I continued to get ready. I braided my curls into two separate braids, or I at least tried. I made a mental note to cut my hair when we got home.

 _Home_ , what an odd thought.

I placed the helmet on and checked the mirror in the bedroom before I left. I passed a couple Stormtroopers who were preparing for bed since they kept watch overnight. They all saluted me while some even mumbled ‘Darth Arcinia’.

This boosted my pride and confidence. My earlier feelings of anxiety and dread was forgotten as I was practically skipping outside to the group of officers awaiting orders. Upon my approach they stood at attention and saluted.

“At ease”, I state. They relaxed a bit, but still stood at attention, “Today will be very similar from yesterday. Your tablets have assigned you and your groups a specific color that also outlines where you will be searching. Report back immediately if you have any questions, comments, concerns, or if you’ve found something.”

They all saluted again before walking away. I glance around, trying to find the bulk of black that was Kylo. I saw some Stormtroopers walking out of the central hall, so I began my search in that direction.

Once inside I noticed our communication boxes and transporters scattered around the different rooms. I continued to the end of the long hallway to the meeting room. Inside I found a large table with 12 chairs surrounding it. I ran a finger down the table, making a ling through the dust. _Dust?_

I looked around the room and noticed it hasn’t been used in a while. Having someone like City Leader Coryn and his fancy robes, you would think he would have kept his main hall clean. I glanced at the windows at the back of the room and noticed that cobwebs and more dust covered the wood paneling and the windows themselves were covered with a thick layer of dirt.

I wondered back down the opposite side of the table, making another trail with my finger. I stopped at one of the chairs that was slightly pushed out. I went to push it back in when it hit something under the table, marking the reason as to why it was pushed out. I pulled the chair back and crouched down to see what was keeping the chair from being pushed in place.

I felt like my body was doused in ice. Sitting under the table was a familiar black box with a painted symbol of the Resistance. Years of placing this specifically shaped box caused a flash of memories. Poe and I would place this box full of explosives to distract the First Order on our missions. It was triggered by either movement or by a timer. The damn things were always faulty too, which General Organa had us ban the use of them right before I was kidnapped.

I didn’t touch it, afraid of it possibly being triggered. Instead I pulled the other chairs out slowly, seeing if I could find the timer. I couldn’t see it on this side, so I quickly slid over the table, making a trail in the dust with my ass.

I practically tossed the chairs to the side as I crouched down on the opposite side. In a dark red illuminating light, the box was ticking down… 12…11…10.

I took off. I yelled ‘bomb’ as I ran. I pumped my legs as fast as they could handle. I jumped over crates in the hallway. I can see the door that lead outside. I felt the panic of others as they were running past me.

It was as if time slowed down. I saw the reflection of my black suit against the white back armor of the Stormtrooper running in front of me. Then I saw red. Red was engulfing those behind me until I felt it hitting and pushing me through the doors. There was heat everywhere. Reoccurring pain from when I was a child and from the vision ripped through me like I was a piece of paper dangling over flames.

Instead of my legs feeling like they were burning, it was my left arm. I could only hear this high pitched ringing in my head. I felt disoriented and dizzy. I tried to move my arm, but it hurt too much. I instead rolled off my back and to the right onto my stomach. I opened my eyes, seeing the world sidewise and through a cracked screen. Realizing my helmet was shattered, I did my best to remove it with my right hand. Once off I could see, but my hearing was still this ringing sound.

I looked around while still laying on my stomach. I saw red beams from blasters being fired, but I couldn’t hear a thing. There were Stormtroopers and other people running back and forth, none paying attention to me. I turned my head so that I could look at my left arm; which I really wish I hadn’t. The armor that was supposed to protect my arm was melted to it. Black mixed with my skin on top of the smell caused me to be so nauseous that I vomited.

I wiped my mouth with the back of my right hand. I tried sitting up onto my knees, but this made me too dizzy. I was about to try again when I felt a blaster against my head. I attempted to raise both of my arms, but my left was too painful. I heard muffling, which I assumed was the Resistance follower yelling to put my other hand up in the air. I tried, but I couldn’t. I tried to turn to see if I recognized the person when I saw one of the Stormtrooper officer fire at the person behind me. I immediately felt the blaster being removed from my head as the person fell.

I crawled to a crumbled wall of the once city center and leaned against it. I tried calling for backup, but I was too dizzy to punch in the figures. I turned sidewise again to vomit once more. I leaned my head against the building, trying to let this vertigo pass. I opened my eyes once I felt like my head wasn’t spinning. Out of the corner of my eye I see a little ball of orange and white rolling to the left and out of sight.

_BB-8?_

Then I saw a man I didn’t think I’d see in a long time, or at least until my training was finished. He was wearing his typical brown leather jacket, his dark hair flowing as he ran with a blaster attached to his leg while the other was in his hand.

 _Poe_.

My physical pain was pushed to the side to make room for the anger that now ripped through me. I gripped the wall and stood up, not feeling as dizzy as before. I strode towards them, not even feeling the skin peeling off my arm as pieces of the armor fell to the ground.

 _Kill them. Make them suffer as you have suffered. Remember your brothers; your father. They died in their hands_.

It felt like a lifetime since I’ve heard the chorus of voices; since Kylo left for his mission almost a week ago. They fueled my anger further. They were right, Poe and his droid were a part of my family’s slaughter. They helped kill my family and my hometown’s residence.

How fucking dare them.

Resistance fighters tried to fire or run at me, but none of them got the chance. I felt the quick connection with the force, and from there I let the anger that had been quenched with Kylo consume me.

 

\--

 

The girl that had quickly become a woman within months was paler than she had been when she was with the Resistance. Her curls were slowly escaping her two braids while her face was contorted into the purest of rage.

There were dark circles under her eyes that were not there months ago. She seemed slimmer, but more muscular, though it was difficult to tell with the Stormtrooper armor. She stalked after her prey; the man with the droid. Her injured arm not of concern anymore as she uses it with its twin to force push the Resistance fighters away.

If they got close enough, she would pick them up and crush them with the force. Their screams of pain and terror were mixed with the sounds of their bones being crushed and their organs spewing onto the ground below. She would drop them like a sac of beans onto the ground. There was no remorse or hesitation as she continued to follow the man she once thought of as a friend.

It was as if another being had taken over the once innocent woman. A mix of dark lords who were, themselves, feared during the time they were alive. They pushed the woman into her subconsciousness while they took over the remaining husk of a body. They had only a precious amount of time before she awoke and took back control. The once beautifully mixed colored eyes were now a dark yellow color.

The body continued to pursue her now enemy though the town while laying waste to those who dared come near her. Finally, the man turned to see her. She saw his lips move to form her name, but she didn’t care. He needed to die. She stuck her non-injured arm into the air and made a slight fist with her fingers, causing the man to raise into the air and gasp while gripping onto his own throat; trying to pry the invisible fingers that surrounded his windpipe.

The man could hear her voice, but it was distorted by a chorus of voices that seem to surround her, “Poe Dameron of the Resistance. For your betrayal to myself and the First Order, and for the death of my family, I sentence you to immediate death.”


	27. A Heavy Burden

The man’s brows furrowed in confusion. He tried to mouth the word ‘what’ with difficulty for his face was turning from red to a bluish shade.

The woman dropped Poe, allowing him to fall onto the ground. He choked until he caught his breath. He tried to reach for his blaster, but he wasn’t fast enough. The woman used the force and drew the gun into her own hand. Another follower of the Resistance started to run to her from behind, but she swiped her arm in front of her, causing the man to fly into the building from which he didn’t move again once he fell.

She grasped Poe’s throat again with the force, “Delmon”, she said as she tossed him against one of the building’s walls. She picked him back up, “Kael”, she threw him in the opposite direction.

He was on the edge of unconsciousness. The woman used the force and picked him up again, but she became distracted as an orange and white droid kept rolling and hitting her leg. While the man was still in the air, the woman was able to pick the droid up, “BB-8.”

“Don’t touch him”, the man struggled to say while his feet dangled three feet in the air. The woman who still crouched down while holding the droid slowly turned her head towards the man who was now her enemy. She tilted her head, her now yellow eyes glinting while she flashed a smile that could curdle milk, “It’s not as if you’re in any position to give orders, Dameron.”

She stood straight while still grasping the struggling droid. She turned with her back towards Poe so that she had a greater distance. She stuck the droid out with her arms so that she could kick the metal ball with more force than a human should possess.

She turned back towards the dangling man, allowing him to drop to the ground. She went and physically grasped his shirt, so she could look at him in the eyes. She punched him over and over, until she was looking at a something that didn’t represent a face.

A single tear left her eye when she dropped the unconscious man, “Ghent”, was all she whispered.

 

\--

 

I felt like my head was being split into two. It was as if I blanked or zoned out for a minute, though I followed everything that happened. I watched as I choked Poe, kicked BB-8, then finally beat Poe’s face to a pulp. Although, I don’t remember controlling my arms and legs to do that. It was like I was asleep and watching a dream that I couldn’t control unfold before me.

I wiped my nose with my right arm’s armor because it was bleeding heavily. The pain in my left arm was practically debilitating, but I needed to find Kylo. I left Poe laying on the ground, his face hardly recognizable. I couldn’t look at him, instead I dug around his pockets until I found his locater. I pushed it on and dropped it by his boot.

I felt exhausted, but I needed to find the other officers and Kylo. It sounded like I was getting my hearing back, though the left side was far more dull than the right. More bombs than the one in the central hall must of gone off, because it seemed as if half the city was destroyed.

I stumbled towards the edge of the town. I remember parts of buildings that we had passed when we searched the outer rim of the city the day before. As I got closer to the edge, the thicker the fighting became. I felt a couple blaster shots hit my back, but the half-melted armor protected me from any serious damage. I just can’t be shot in the head.

I trudged on, feeling like I was moving through water. I finally focused on the bodies that surrounded me. It seemed like an even match between our Stormtroopers and the Resistance. I stumbled and tripped over a dark mass I didn’t see because it was casted by the shadow of the collapsed and destroyed buildings. I was pulling myself up to my knees when I recognized the metal cylinder laying next to the open, gloved hand.

I quickly turned so that I was facing the fallen First Order Commander. I shook him, trying to get a response. I couldn’t tell if he was breathing, and because I lost my hearing, I couldn’t tell if he was speaking. Feeling the fingers of panic begin to take over, I quickly looked around, trying to find someone to help me. I could just see where the buildings were beginning to thin, marking the very edge of the city. The TIE-fighters were not far from the edge. All I have to do is drag him.

I quickly clipped his lightsaber onto my still intact belt before I used whatever strength I had left in me to pull his body, which I noticed was half covered by a slab of concrete. This must be why he blacked out. I did my best trying to push the large stone wall over, but it didn’t budge. I connected to the force, but I was losing strength by the second. I didn’t know what to do. Tears were streaming down my face. There were only a few straggling people from both parties around me, most of which were running back to their respective sides.

I turned back to the stone covering the only person I cared about in this damn universe. I closed my eyes and tried to picture the Sith Lord with the tattoo over his eyes; Darth Bane. The swirl of voices that chanted the Sith mantra vibrated within me. I didn’t want to be used as a thing of power, but I had run out of options.

Tears were mixing with blood as I opened my mind, allowing the dark forces to climb beside me in my mind. They pushed for control, fighting for access at the mechanisms that governed my mind and body. I felt myself slipping into darkness, but I needed to stay to make sure the job was finished. I needed to make sure Kylo was safe.

I felt the dark side of the force swirl around me like a cool wind. It wrapped itself around my torso, my extremities, and finally my mind. I was immersed in power, but I needed to focus to keep my grip on the controls. I fought internally while I tried to move the piece of shit stone wall off Kylo. I pushed, almost getting it off his legs when I felt something burn at my left temple. I lost my grip on the stone, which fell back into place over the Commander. I turned to find a Resistance fighter pointing a blaster at me from roughly twenty yards away. The shot grazed across my temple, leaving my skin and hair burned.

Now I’m pissed.

The man fired the blaster again, but I stopped the stream of red mid-fire. I could feel it pulsing, as if I was holding it in my hand. I raised my arms and pushed, causing the man to be hit with the red blast and then he was lifted into the air and tossed over the buildings. That shot must have been what pushed me close to the darkness, because within moments I had the wall lifted and moved completely.

I lifted Kylo onto my back using mostly my right arm. I felt the Sith Lords fighting within me, but I couldn’t let them take complete power over me. I struggled with Kylo’s weight, but I was able to carry him with only his feet dragging behind me. A few citizens and Resistance followers tried to approach me, but I never gave them a chance. I continued until the buildings broke away to the clearing we landed in.

 _Almost there, just a little further Nym_ , I said to myself.

I continued to drag the body of my master towards his distinct TIE-Silencer. I noted how half our ships were gone, meaning we must have surrendered. _Just a few more yards._ I felt the dark side slip from my grasps, leaving me weaker than before. Sweat, blood, and tears blurred my vision. The pain in my left arm was excruciating. I could feel bits of the armor falling away, pulling my skin with it. I was almost in the morning shadow of the aircraft, so close yet so far away.

“Nymeria Arcinia”, a voice stated behind me.

I slowly turned with Kylo now partially being carried and partially being dragged by me. I laid him down carefully before I stood straighter, even though I was utterly exhausted.

“General Organa”

The older woman was standing across from me, being flanked by fellow Resistance fighters; some of which were familiar faces. As tired as I was, I mustered up enough anger for it to radiate off of me.

“Oh Nym, what have they done to you?”, the woman asked. Her aged face was lined with worry.

“It’s you who caused this anger, not the First Order. They were not the ones who slaughter the innocent, unlike you.”

“Whatever are you talking about?”, the worry lines were replaced with confusion.

I took a step forward, but about twenty blasters pointed at me, so I stopped. I knew at the moment I was not in any form to protect myself or Kylo.

The General lifted her hand from her side and gestured for me to take it, “Come back to us Nym. We have much to discuss.”

“I will not return to you, you traitor! You Rebel scum!”, I replied by spitting in her direction.

She glanced to her left, saying something softly to one of the women standing next to her. The woman turned so she could dig through the bag she was carrying. She removed a small silver box the size of my palm. General Organa took it from the girl and took a couple steps towards me, which caused me to take a couple steps back.

“Take this, it will explain everything.”

“I’ll take nothing from you”, I said, turning to pick Kylo back up and carry him to the ship. I will complete this damn mission, even if it’s the last thing I do in this fucking universe.

“Please Nym.”

I turned again, “My name is Darth Arcinia, apprentice to Kylo Ren, the Commander of the First Order.”

“I don’t care what your new name or title is, just take the box”, said the elder woman tiredly. As if she’s exhausted herself. I reached my hand out, allowing the force to take the box from her open palm. I quickly slid the small box in the belt attached to my waist.

“Understand Nym. We will be here for you when you decide you want to return.”

I scoffed, muttering that that will never happen. I dragged a still unconscious Kylo onto the ship, shutting the ramp behind me. I quickly got the ship out of the atmosphere before I set the coordinates for the new base and shoved the aircraft into hyperspace.

That was the last thing I remember before I collapsed into oblivion.

 


	28. Silver Against the Darkness

The familiar darkness wrapped around me like a soft, cool ribbon. It was comforting, yet I was still aware of the dangers it could unleash. I let myself float within this darkness. There were no voices or sounds; just an empty vacuum of nothing. I wasn’t afraid, angry, devastated, in pain or distraught. I was calm and at peace. It’s been such a long time since I felt weightless enough to not have that burning flame of self hatred and the hatred of others burning in my chest.

I continued to float, which was the best description I have. Floating through darkness. There were occasional ribbons of soft silver that would pass me, but I didn’t pay them any mind. They neither touched me or went through me. I was left at peace. I didn’t know if this was death or if this was the same darkness from the last time when I heard my mother’s lullaby.

I would have been floating for centuries, but I didn’t care. I didn’t see what I was wearing, or what my limbs were doing. I wasn’t a body, but a mind. I couldn’t feel, yet I felt everything around me. This didn’t confuse me or scare me; I knew I was as safe as I would ever be.

 _Mayday, mayday. Please! Someone just pick up!_ , a man’s voice echoed through the darkness.

A silver ribbon came into my view. It snaked through the darkness, quickly getting closer to me. I tried to move, but I was stuck in place by the darkness that was now slowly clinging onto me. The silver ribbon grew until it struck me in what I thought was my chest. It started to suffocate me until I was gasping for breath. The ribbon wrapped around my mind, invading my thoughts until I was dropped like a rock, falling through the darkness.

 

\--

 

“Mayday, mayday! This is alpha-two-two-beta-one. I repeat; this is alpha-two-two-beta-one!”

The man wiped his brow to prevent the sweat from dripping into his eyes. He glanced at the doorway when he heard a moan from the other room. Fear was visible on his features. He turned back to the radio controls, “Please! Anyone! This is alpha-two-fucking-two-beta-one!”

He heard another moan, one that was worse than the others. This made him panic and run out of the small control room. He ran down the hall and turned into another doorway on the right. He found his wife with her shoulders hunched forward; one hand on the wall and the other on her lower back. She was panting as her pain slowly subsided.

She turned to glance at her husband, sweat dripping down her face, “The contractions are getting closer together.”

The man went over to help the pregnant woman slip down the wall so that she was now sitting, “It can’t be too long, let me check how much you’re dilated.”

She swatted his hand away, “Did you get a reply?”, She knew the answer by the look in his grey eyes. She placed her hands on his soft brunette curls while tears began to slide down her cheek.

“How much longer do we have?”

“The report said within the hour”, the man said. He received a hologram earlier that day from Bail Organa, stating that Darth Maul was arriving on their planet to kill Dain, the last living Arcinia. 

She gripped onto his hand that she had previously swatted away, “You take this child – “

“No Mara! I’m taking you both.”

Fear flashed across her hazel eyes, “Dain, you need to take it and run. Run before Darth Maul gets here and kills him or her.”

They placed their foreheads together, their tears and sweat mixing before another contraction began to rip through the woman. She took hold of his hand again, “Promise me damnit!”

Dain put his hand on her blonde hair in comfort, “I promise my love. Now please let me help you.”

The woman screamed as she pushed, “Little pushes Mara. Little pushes until the head is clear”, Dain stated while slightly pulling on his child’s head to remove the baby from the womb, “That’s it, now one big push my dear. Push hard!”

Mara pushed until she felt a pressure between her legs. She was too weak to see her child, but she heard its cry.

Dain got up with the child after cutting the cord to find a clean towel, “A girl.”

Mara sighed. A girl. _Her_ little girl.

“Aren”, Mara whispered as she started to close her eyes, feeling weak and cold.

“Mara? Oh no! _Mara!_ ”, Dain quickly wrapped the child and placed her in the makeshift crib before coming to his wife. There was blood pooling around her before she slumped further.

“No, no, no, Mara! Mara wake up!”

He knew he couldn’t carry her, the child, and the supplies to the rendezvous point to meet Bail. He knew he had to leave now before Darth Maul came. Dain quickly took hold of her wrist, finding only a weak pulse. He repositioned her so that she was laying on her back with the blanket under her head.

He kissed his wife before he swiftly turned to get the supplies and wrap the newborn to his chest with a sheet. They were headed out into the desert, so she needed to be protected. He covered his own head before he glanced at his dying wife.

 _Goodbye my love, my wife, my world_.

 

\--

 

I was rushed out of the blinding, silver light. I plunged back into the vacuum of darkness.

_Was that a memory? It wasn’t one of mine._

_Holy shit that woman said my mother’s name_!

With this thought another silver ribbon came into view. It danced and swerved through the darkness until it hit me in the chest like the last one; not giving me a chance to prepare myself.

 

\--

 

Dain wondered through the desert and over the scorching sands. He stumbled, almost forgetting about the infant that was strapped to his chest. He was in a daze after walking in the heat for days. He collapsed to his knees, believing this was the end. Hating himself for leaving his wife and not dying beside her. He didn’t care about this fucking lineage. He should have just ended the line with himself and his daughter.

But he couldn’t take his daughter’s life from her. She deserved more than just a few moments in this world. He got up from his knees and slowly continued on. By nightfall, he collapsed again. He laid onto his back, looking at the stars when he heard the sound of an engine. He closed his eyes, not waiting to see if it was friend or foe.

“I finally found you”, a voice stated above Dain, who finally opened his eyes. Standing above him was his friend, Bail Organa.

“And I’m glad you finally found me”, Dain replied weakly.

 

\--

 

I was pushed out of the silver ribbon again. I was becoming dizzy, yet I felt the need to focus on these visions. Who are these people and why am I being targeted to see them? What’s the point?

Before I could ask myself more questions I couldn’t possibly answer, another silver ribbon snaked its was towards me. I was prepared this time.

 

\--

 

Mala was ready to feel the darkness pull her under, but she had the need to stay a while longer. She felt Dain lay her on her back, which she appreciated, though she didn’t have the energy to thank him. She was too weak to even open her eyes and see her husband one last time.

She felt the darkness pull on her, urging her to let go. Why couldn’t she just leave this world already?

That’s when she felt pain. _This is too painful for an afterbirth_ , she thought. She began to have the urge to push again. She opened her eyes, feeling as if another head was emerging. She gave slight pushes until the head was fully born. She then pushed hard, almost blacking out, but a weak cry caused her to remain awake.

Laying between her blood soaked legs was another baby girl. She slowly got up so that she could cut the umbilical cord connecting the two together. With a strength she didn’t know she possessed, Mara quickly wrapped the child in another clean towel and placed her in a compartment in the wall.

Mara didn’t know if the child would survive, but she needed to try. The child deserved the chance to live just like her twin.

She collapsed onto her side, leaving a streak of blood on the wall from her handprint. With her task completed, Mara closed her eyes and slipped away into the darkness.

 

\--

 

Tears were blurring my vision, even though this was difficult because I didn’t feel like I had a body. Waves of sadness echoed within me. I felt a deep connection with the woman, but I didn’t understand why.

I thought this was the last of the visions; the couples ending. But I was wrong.

 

\--

 

A figure in black clothing came; his face was covered in red and black which was typical of a Dathomirian Zabrak male. His horns casted an odd shadow against the body of the woman. His piercing yellow eyes glanced around the room, feeling a weak force, though he believed it was coming from the recently perished body.

The Sith Lord left the room to finish searching the small, hidden compound that was hidden away under the desert. He left the planet of Jakku without finding the child that was still tucked away in the wall that was covered by her mother’s handprint.


	29. Remembrance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I am so sorry for the late update. I had a rather large exam/test I had to study for (ugh). Now that it's over with I'm back! (Yay)  
> Thank you all again for taking your time to read my story. It started out as a dream (which ended up being Chapter 10) and now look where it's gone.   
> I've written out a timeline/summary for the last bits and hope I have the umf needed to finish this.   
> I love you all and I hope you continue to read on!

There was a soft, rhythmic sound coming from my right. It was slowly becoming annoying, then irritating. I realized that I was back from the darkness when pain engulfed my thoughts. The rhythmic sound started to escalate as I began to panic.

A cool hand was placed on my cheek, “Nym?”

_Kylo?_

I slowly opened my eyes to find Kylo leaning towards me on my left. His pale face was masked with concern as he gently placed his hand through my tangled hair.

“Nym, it’s alright. You are in the hospital wing of the new base.”

I squeezed my eyes closed because I was becoming dizzy. The pounding in my head caused a wave of nausea to roll through me. I found the rail on my right side and gripped it to get my bearings.

There wasn’t a tube down my throat this time, but there were tubes and I.V. lines elsewhere. I gently wiggled my toes, feeling no pain when I moved my lower extremities. I took a deep breath, only feeling the soreness of muscles instead of a sharp pain along my ribs and chest. Finally, I opened my eyes again, looking at Kylo.

He was sitting on the edge of his seat with his right hand on my hair and his left gripping the bed. I tried to move my left arm carefully but felt that it was different. I looked again at Kylo with one eyebrow raised in confusion.

“Your arm was too damaged to save majority of it, but the surgeons were able to keep most of the original skin.”, he explained, though his voice started to trail off towards the end of the sentence.

The monitor tracing my heartrate increased its rhythm again, notify him of my panic.

“There’s no need to fear or panic Nym. I made sure you had a full recovery and are still able to manipulate the extremity.”

“Help me sit up”, I said as my voice cracked from disuse.

He placed one of his arms on my upper back and the other wrapped around my front for stability. I slowly sat up, only feeling even more dizzy than before. Regardless, I pushed myself until I was fully sitting up. Kylo adjusted the bed so that I was able to lean back while in a sitting position.

I lifted my arm from under the thin blanket that covered me. The shoulder to the elbow looked normal; not a blemish could be seen other than the freckles that covered my shoulders. I continued to raise my arm until the blanket slid completely off, revealing the menacing image.

About an inch from my elbow was a mixture of both metal and skin. The skin was pink, as if newly sunburned while the pieces of metal that were like patches shimmered between a dark grey and a black color. There was a patch of metal on the dorsal aspect of my hand. It ended when it reached the webs between my fingers.

I realized, thankfully, that heading Kylo’s advice of tying my mother’s bracelet onto the Kyber crystal necklace was a good idea. I would have lost it if I hadn’t chosen to follow it. I gently brushed a piece, causing me to gasp. I could almost feel my touch, though I didn’t touch the pink skin.

“I made sure you had sensation throughout. It’s a new form of metal that interchanges with your DNA. It’s as if there are cells laced within the metal atoms. Quite fascinating if you think about it.”

“Sure”, was all I was able to whisper as I continued to poke and prod around my newly formed arm. While making my observations, I realized I don’t remember how this happened. My eyebrows scrunched in confusion as the monitor began to quicken.

Becoming irritated that I couldn’t remember anything from the mission, I tugged at the wires that were sticking on my chest and abdomen until the beeping stopped.

Almost in seconds a troop of medical personnel entered my medical room. They looked startled, as if they were expecting me to be flatlined instead of glaring at them. What I assumed was their leader ushered the rest of the group from the room, leaving Kylo and I alone again.

I looked back at the pale faced man, “How did this happen?”

He bent his head sideways and looked at me with confusion, “You don’t remember? Well, what you went through I’m not surprised, though I wish you did remember because you were outstanding.”

This comment made me blush and look down at my metallic arm. I felt a cool finger touch and lift my chin so that I had to look at him, “There are videos that were recovered from the city if you would like to see them.”

“Maybe after I rest a while, if that’s alright?”

“Of course. I’ll have you move back to your room and away from”, he gestured around the small medical room, “well, this.”

Kylo stood up and placed a hand on my cheek again, “I have some meetings to attend to. The council would like to see the surveillance videos, but I’m making them wait until you’ve been allowed to view them.”

He gently begins to lower the bed so that I was laying flat so that I could rest, “Also, once you’re healed you will have a meeting with the Supreme Leader before you meet the council.”

I didn’t get a chance to react or watch Kylo place his robe and repaired helmet on before he left. I also didn’t give myself a chance to react before I fell back asleep.

 

\--

 

I woke with the urgent need to pee. The thought of my full bladder is what roused me from my fitful sleep. I blinked my eyes open, but the room was too dark for anything to blind me, so they adjusted quickly. I slowly sat up, but didn’t feel any pain. Pulling the blanket back, I accidentally brushed my right hand against my left arm, reminding me of the metal.

I glanced down at it, seeing the metal shimmer off the small amount of light in the room. I looked around and found I was in a larger bedroom than the one I had on the Star Destroyer. I stood up from the bed, testing my weight but still not feeling any pain in my head or arm.

I walked to what I assumed was the bathroom’s door when it opened, revealing a hallway and two Stormtroopers. _Shit._ I quickly slammed on the switch to close the door. I took a deep breath before I managed to walk to the other door and opened it. I sighed in relief after I saw the sink.

I decided to take a shower, feeling the odd sensation of the water hitting my arm. I completed my basic morning routines as I normally would have before exiting the bathroom.

I quickly dressed and waited. For what I didn’t exactly know. I had no idea how long I was unconscious between now and the mission. Before I became too frustrated with myself, I heard the door to the room open.

Kylo quickly stalked into the room, stopping close to the table and where I was sitting. He removed his helmet before asking, “How are you feeling?”

“Better. A lot better”, I replied as I stretched to show I was not sore.

I saw Kylo glance at my body as I stretched; starting at my toes then slowly up to my face, “Good. Do you think you’re prepared for these videos?”

I sighed. I forgot about those, “Yes.”

Kylo gave me one quick glance before he walked to the center of the room and placed a small box on the floor. He tapped the top before walking back towards me. I stood up to place my lower back against the table and crossed my arms.

The box projected a hologram that became a moving image. There were no sounds, only the video that was captured by multiple cameras. Someone must have put the pieces together to make a solid film.

I watched in awe while also having difficulty connecting the woman in the hologram as myself. Watching as I tossed Resistance fighters like they were stuffed toys. There was conflict behind the facial expression that I couldn’t pinpoint. But what stopped my breath was my eyes. They were a yellow. Not the lovely yellow of a fruit or the sun, but of darkness and pain. Like the dripping yellow of a parasitic fungus.

I was too busy wrapped in my thoughts that I thought I saw BB-8. _That can’t be, can it?_

Kylo must have sensed my dilemma because he placed his hand on my shoulder, “There are pieces that we couldn’t salvage, so it skips around a bit. We were able to find the part where you found me, though with the council members, I decided it was best if they didn’t see that their commander had fallen.”

I was too numb from watching what I had performed that I just nodded my head.

“But Nym”, he said while turning me towards him, “I can never express my gratitude for saving my life.”

“You’re my master, of course I would save you”, I looked down at my hands, to embarrassed to look him in the eyes, “and you’re more than just my master. You’re my everything.”

My heart didn’t have moment to beat before I felt his lips crash into mine. It was a deep, passionate kiss that left me breathless.

“I wish we could go further, but the Supreme Leader is waiting.”

I sighed once more against his neck before we pulled away from each other to prepare for the meeting.

 


	30. A Gift

Star Killer Base had very similar hallways with the Star Destroyer. It was interesting to think the First Order having only one decorator on hand. I swallowed back a laugh, _I must be going insane_.

Kylo led us to a door that was guarded by two Stormtroopers, which I assumed must be the chamber that contained the ominous hologram of Snoke. The automatic door opened, allowing us to walk through.

There was a dark walkway without railings on either side that lead to a large open area at the end of the hall. Upon our entrance, the hologram beamed down, showing the Supreme Leader. Kylo immediately went to the knee, which caused me to follow.

“Kylo of the Knights of Ren and Nymeria Arcinia”, boomed the deep voice.

I glanced up under my lashes to see him glaring down at me from his throne. We both stood up, preparing ourselves for what was to come.

“Darth Arcinia. You performed well on your first mission to the First Order. It shows that your training has become successful. As for you, Kylo Ren. You fell during battle and had your inexperienced apprentice rescue you. This is a disappointment.”

I could feel the waves of anger rolling off Kylo, but I refused to look at him while in the presence of this hologram.

“Your collapse will remain between a chosen few, but if I hear of it happening again, I will not hesitate to make your apprentice my own as your replacement.”

With this Kylo physically flinched before he nodded once.

“Arcinia, you will continue training under Kylo Ren. You showed proof of your loyalty, which will be rewarded”, his last word echoed in the hall as the hologram turned off. I could tell Kylo was fuming, so I waited for him to leave so that I could follow.

We had to ride in an elevator in order to reach the council members on another floor. Once we were alone, Kylo threw his helmet on the ground before he punched the wall with his fist, causing the lights to flicker off and sparks to fly out from the wall.

I still didn’t say anything, even when the elevator stopped. He must have been using the force because the doors didn’t open. Even with the sparks it was too hard to see him. I didn’t care if he was pissed, so I reached out and found his arm. He flinched away, but I refused to let go. I brushed my hand up to his shoulder until I was able to push against him so that he would turn. He did so with slight reluctance. I then took a step until I wrapped my arms around his torso and leaned my head against his chest.

I could faintly hear his heartbeat, which was running a little too fast. I never noticed this before, but he has this very distinct smell that instantly calmed me, even though I was not anxious or angry. I squeezed him just a bit before I went to release my arms, though I didn’t get the chance before he crushed me against him. He buried his face in my braided hair and inhaled. He instantly became lax against me.

I waited a moment before asking, “Kylo, isn’t the council still waiting on us?”

“Fuck the council.”

“As much as I would love to bypass their meeting, you know this isn’t possible.”

I felt and heard him deeply inhale before he made a dramatic sigh. He released me so that he could replace his helmet. I grabbed his hand once his face was fully covered and kissed his knuckles, “I didn’t save your ass so that you could break your own bones.”

I could feel his glare, even though I couldn’t see it. The elevator doors opened before I could get a chance to cover up my blurted statement. I let him walk out first with me following to the council chambers.

 

\--

 

I was brushing my fingers through Kylo’s hair, reminiscing both meetings we had a couple hours ago. Snoke seriously pissed Kylo off, but the reaction of the First Order’s council is what might have lifted his mood.

Their response to my fighting was more than I expected. Their first impression of me was most likely what they have heard and what they saw as I walked in beside Kylo. I prepared myself for backlash from the multiple people surrounding the table, but the only true scowl I received was from General Hux. I felt his stare from the side, which when I met his gaze with a raised eyebrow, he ceased watching me.

I continued to brush Kylo’s hair as he slept. We both fell asleep after our, well, coupling. He ended up collapsed on my chest like the night of the mission. This left me to stoke his hair without any complaints while he slept. Kylo groaned as he stretched, which caused a vibration to go from his chest to mine, “How long have you been awake?”

“Not long”, I replied as I moved my fingertips to his shoulder and back. I lightly traced the faint scars that covered him. I brushed my fingers over the teeth marks I made a lifetime ago, causing him to raise goosebumps on his shoulders and arms.

“What are you thinking about?”, he asked as he rolled onto his back, taking me with him. I traced his collar bone while I replied, “About our meetings and the council’s reaction. Especially Hux’s.”

“Interesting. He seems to dislike us both.”

“You toss him around like a puppet and now I’m sure he thinks I’m training to do the same”, I giggled a bit as I felt him brace himself against me, “It was only a jest Kylo.”

I sat up so that I could look him in the eyes and take his face in my hands, “You don’t have to prepare yourself as if everything I say is an insult. I love you too much to insult you.”

I froze, realizing what I had just said. _Oh shit_.

I went to drop my hands, but he placed his over mine, keeping them in place. He took one of my hands and kissed my wrists before he sat up too so that both of us were sort of looking at eye level.

He dropped my hands and placed them on my cheeks. He leaned so that our lips just barely brushed together, “Do you remember the first time we saw each other?”

I tried to think straight, but he was brushing my jawline with his fingertips. I shook my head ‘no’.

“It was when you and that pilot took our communication transmitter. You were hit with a blaster”, he paused as he brushed the small circular wound on my right shoulder, “You ran and jumped onto the Resistance ship. It was your hair that caught my eye”, he said as he pulled gently on one of the curls, “I didn’t realize then how you looked. You’re even more beautiful up close.”

I was blushing with such an intensity I’m sure I looked sunburned. I usually looked away when he gave me compliments, but I stared at his large, beautiful brown eyes as he stared back at me.

“I do remember that. I also remember you chasing me through a forest”, I said while now brushing his hair and touching the back of his neck. Kylo closed his eyes, relishing the moment, I thought about that chase, which made me wonder, “How did you keep me from dropping off the cliff?”

“You fell far enough so that the pilot couldn’t see your body, but I stopped you before you hit the bottom.”

“Oh, seems simple enough”, I replied as I leaned in to kiss his jaw, “Though the first time I saw your face was during my initial meeting with the Supreme Leader.”

“Hmmm”, was all he responded with as he began to kiss _my_ jawline. I couldn’t make a comprehensible thought as he continued his trail of kisses south.

 

\--

 

 _I love you too, Nym_ , was the last voice I remembered before I fell asleep for a second time. If he called our first few times passionate, then this last time blew those out of the water. I woke up, feeling the emptiness besides me, though it was still warm. I also noticed the door to the bathroom was shut too.

I stretched before I got up from the bed. I opened the door finding Kylo in the shower, steam filling the little room. I quickly joined him under the hot stream of water, wrapping my arms around his back, “Good morning Commander.”

“Good morning Apprentice”, he said as he turned around to quickly kiss me. He seemed as if he was finished cleaning himself, so I grabbed one of the bottles and began to wash and lather my hair. He turned me around and began messaging my scalp.

We continued in the shower until both of us were clean, “What I would love to do with you right now Nym.”

I blushed crimson while looking away. If I looked down between us I would have seen his growing need, “Shouldn’t I begin training again?”

He sighed in defeat as he turned the water off, “Actually, I have something for you.”

We left the shower to dry off, then to dress. He dressed in his usual robes while I went back to my basic leggings, black shirt with the First Order symbol, and boots.

“Are you going to tell me what you’re giving me?”

“Your reward for your alliance with the First Order. And, it’s a bit of a gift from me, though it was the Supreme Leader’s idea”, he said before he turned to look for his helmet, “I should have been the one to think it first.”

I passed him the helmet that was sitting on the desk, “I don’t care whose idea it was.”

“Thank you”, he said, though I wasn’t sure if it was for the comment or me handing him his helmet.

 

\--

 

We continued down multiple hallways until we reached our destination, whatever that was.

 _And just think, I had finally remembered my path to and from the training room and now I’m back to being lost_.

I was lost in thought when I heard Kylo behind me, _behind me?_ I turned, seeing that Kylo had stopped while I must have continued walking. I mumbled an apology and returned to his side.

He typed a code into the keypad on the wall, causing the door to open. I noticed the room was like the room the droids measured me for my suit, though it was smaller. On the counter at the center were two black boxes. One was the length of my forearm while the other was similar to my suit box.

Kylo removed his helmet and walked to the counter and lowered the larger box to the floor. He opened the latches, showing that it indeed was my suit box with a fully repaired suit.

“I was disappointed that it was damaged in my first mission. I’m glad to have it back.”

“That isn’t your gift Nym. This”, he handed me the smaller box, “Is your gift.”

I went to open the latches when his gloved hand stopped me. I looked at him with my usual raised eyebrow, “I just, I hope you like it.”

“Whatever it is, I’m sure I’ll love it regardless.”


	31. Make it Bleed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I am super pumped where this is going. I've just typed up a "holy shit" moment in a future chapter and I can't wait for you all to read it.
> 
> You're all the best and I'm so happy that you've continued on to read.

“Why don’t you open it in our room?”, Kylo asked.

_Our room._

“Alright”, I replied as I released the latches. I tucked the box under my arm preparing to leave. I glanced at the larger box on the floor. “You can leave that. I’ll have someone drop it off.”

I smiled at him before I turned and began to leave the room. I heard him replace his helmet before he followed me. Once back to our room I was practically bouncing with excitement.

“Can I open it now?” 

“Yes”, he replied while he sat on one of the plush chairs, removing his helmet again.

I set the box on the desk and finally unlatched the two metal latches. I opened the lid, letting it glide smoothly against its hinges. The padding was soft; similar to what my suit was cushioned against. Laying snuggly in place was an odd looking cylinder.

It was as if someone had let a tree branch grow around a metal pole. The two materials were enfolded around each other. Organic against metal. I traced my finger from one end to the next, feeling that it was smooth. Not even a slight lip between the two substances.

I felt Kylo stand behind me. He placed his right hand on my waist while his left hand traveled down from my shoulder to my newly formed arm and hand.

He placed his hand over mine where the largest patch of metal was and tangled his fingers with my own, “I wanted something that represented you. Something natural with something new, like your new self.” While he spoke, he lifted my arm and moved it side to side so that the light reflected off the metal pieces.

I gently removed my fingers from his so that I could lift the cylinder from the box. It was thinner’s than Kylo’s hilt, though it seemed like a perfect fit against my palm.

“It’s made of the typical lightsaber metallic materials, though the wood is Brylark wood. It’s just as strong as the metal. I believe only one lightsaber hilt is completely solid wood.”

I was too speechless to reply. I was in awe of the weapon sitting in my palms. _My weapon._ Although, it felt as if something was missing.

“Usually an apprentice finds a Kyber crystal that calls to them when they are preparing to make their own lightsaber. I thought you could use your mother’s crystal.”

I placed my hand on my chest over my shirt, feeling the outline of the crystal. I took it out and looked at it’s milky white color.

“Will the light be this color?”

“No”, he replied, “You have to make it bleed in order for it to be red.”

“How?”

“You send the dark side of the force into it, causing the crystal to die and bleed. Or that is how the Supreme Leader explained it to me.”

He motioned me to turn to face him, “This is something you should do alone when you’re ready.”

I nodded while still clutching both the crystal and the cylinder.

“For now though, I think we should begin your train-“

I didn’t give him the chance to finish before I grabbed his neck to pull him to me. I kissed him as if he was my elixir; my life force. I kissed him my thank you.

I wrapped both arms around his neck once we drew apart for breath. When I did this I released the crystal, allowing one of my hands to feel the hair at the nape of his neck. He pulled his arms around my lower back and shoulder. We stayed like this for a while, just enjoying each other’s presence.

“As I was saying, we should continue with your training”, He whispered against me.

“If you say so”, I said before kissing him lightly against his jaw.

 

\--

For weeks I trained like I did prior to my fist mission; in the morning I would wake in my shared room. Some days Kylo was there while others he had woken sooner than me for a meeting, training, or a single day mission. My wrist band would vibrate as before too, signaling me when to come and go.

Every other day I would either practice with the replicated lightsaber or I would exercise on the machines. I learned my way around the new base quickly, though every once in a while, I would miss or take a wrong turn.

After my morning routine I would return to the room as before to learn about the history of the universe, or what was assessable to me. Some days I went over the blueprints, accounts, descriptions, and maps of the new base. This helped slightly with me getting lost. In the afternoons I would meet Kylo. Each training day was different from before, keeping me on my toes. He stated once that I was ready for entering minds, so we began practicing. It was mostly me working on Stormtroopers who basically had the same consciousness.

Most of the days were in the training room while sometimes, on rare occasions, I would go with him on simple missions. On these days I was allowed to fly the TIE-ship and once, he allowed me to practice with the cannons.

These moments brought back memories of Poe. I kept feeling flashes of guilt when I thought about him, though this only pissed me off. Why should I feel guilty? He hurt me by his betrayal while I never laid a finger on him, yet.

During these weeks I would get flashes of memories that I didn’t think were mine. It didn’t seem like the silver ribbons of memories as before in the darkness. These were in a single person’s point of view. Some flashes were gruesome while others were just ‘me’ shooting with my blaster at what I assumed was the enemy. These memories sparked an anger within me that came in waves. Kylo learned to leave me be during these episodes, which is why he took these single day missions.

 _Good_. It allowed me to think and process without his demanding presence looming over me. One of the afternoons he was gone allowed me to meditate and connect with the force. There was updated news on the whereabouts on Skywalker, which meant that Kylo was either off the base or somewhere in a meeting.

I returned to the training room after my slight history lesson. Upon entering, I removed my boots and sat at the center of the training mat. With my legs crossed and my arms resting on my thighs, I began to open my mind.

There was silence at first. A simple grey background, almost like a white noise. Uncomplicated and plain. This was my sanctuary away from my burning muscles, the anger, the pain and sorrow, the losses I’ve caused and have experienced; everything that I wish to forget. This grey emptiness allowed me peace.

It seemed that while I was unconscious, the force was a black emptiness. This vacuum contained silver ribbons, which must have been memories that were not mine. This theory was made when I realized that when I was conscious, I was able to ‘see’ a grey bareness with deep gold colored ribbons that contained my own personal memories when they ‘hit’ me.

I was continuing to meditate in this greyness when a memory struck me. It was flashes of faces and moments that caused my heart to race and the anger to seep into my limbs. The force was pushing me images of the people that caused me so much pain and anger.

I opened my eyes, seeing the training room around me. It saw a shimmer of movement out of my peripheral. I turned and saw a ghost of a man I hadn’t seen in what felt like a thousand years. Darth Bane’s outline was like a whisper of black smoke with dark yellow eyes. These eyes were piercing into me, seeing my darkest kept secrets.

_Child. Allow us in as before. Let us help you._

I stood to face him while stretching my arm out in preparation, “Go away.”

_Let us help you._

“No”, I practically snarled. I pushed him with the force, creating holes like before.

He repaired himself. _Through strength I gain power_.

“Though power I gain victory”, I replied without thinking. I took a step towards him while he did the same. Each verse caused us to get closer; _Through victory my chains are broken._

_The Force shall free me_

 

\--

 

I was aware that I was not alone in my subconscious, but I was still in control. Waves of energy was crashing through me; I knew what needed to be done. I removed my mother’s crystal from around my neck. I let it raise up from my palm while unraveling from the braided thread.

Once it was clear, I reached into its core, feeling the crystal’s pulse. I felt and heard a shriek coming from deep within its center. I threaded myself through the crystal’s matter, allowing me to fill every crack, void, and being of the organic piece. I sank my claws into its core and squeezed. Its cry grew louder, but I continued to push, pull, and break the life inside it.

Suddenly, the cry faded into an echo. My subconscious was alone other than my own thoughts. I opened my eyes and relished that I was alone again in the training room. Levitating above my palm was my mother’s crystal.

The once milk, white color was now a dark burgundy. It sent a shiver down my spine when it laded back into my palm. I removed the cylinder from my side and placed the crystal in it like Kylo showed me.

I was nervous to push the button, but the suspense was also making me nervous. As I ignited my newly made weapon, the doors to the training room opened. 


	32. Beg For It

I spun around with me automatically getting into my defensive stance. My lightsaber feeling like an extension of my arm while I was prepared to attack. But it wasn’t necessary because standing in the doorway was a very astonished red headed General.

I turned off the weapon and attached it back to my belt. I stood there with my hands behind my back, waiting for him to speak first, but it seemed as if he was still stunned.

“Can I help you General Hux?”, I asked with a raised brow.

“Actually, yes. The Commander requests your presence. He is having a meeting with the Council”, he replied quickly, masking his features as well.

“Lead the way then”, I said, gesturing with my hand towards the door.

He turned and began walking down the hall. I caught up with him and began to walk side-by-side down the hall. I caught him glancing down at me, which didn’t bother me. Though I wasn’t used to this type of attention, I knew that I was not in any danger. I knew how to defend myself.

He seemed nervous, and tired. I felt pity for him because of the way he was treated by Kylo. I was going to begin to make small talk when he stopped walking. I looked around and noticed we were not near a door and he was in the middle of the hallway.

Before I could ask anything, he spoke first, “Who are you?”

“I beg pardon?”

“Don’t play games. You heard exactly what I said.”

He still wasn’t quite looking at me, more like at the wall beside me. “I am Darth Arcinia and you are General Hux. May we continue”, I asked sarcastically.

He apparently didn’t like my response because he turned fully towards me and bent slightly so her could stare at me in the eyes, “Why you, of all people. The force doesn’t choose anyone lightly. So again, who are you?”

This shocked me, because I honestly didn’t have an answer, “I don’t know.”

This seemed to satisfy him because he went back to his full height and continued on walking towards the meeting. Upon entering, my gaze automatically found Kylo. He was standing at the end of a long table that was full of the council members. These were the same people who watched the surveillance video from my first mission.

The meeting was to review the information found about Luke Skywalker. Supposedly, there was a remote desert planet that had a very small village in which a single man held information that could lead to his whereabouts. This sounded to me like a lot of faith is being put onto this single person, but I’m not the leader and I know to keep quiet.

Plus, I was still going over the conversation with Hux and the fact that I got my Kyber crystal to turn.  The meeting droned on, but I continued to stand at attention near the back wall. I watched the reactions of those that I could see while I also zoned out.

Finally, the meeting was over. I stayed where I was until the last council member left, leaving me alone with Kylo. He didn’t remove his helmet, but he gestured me to follow him out of the room.

I followed him back to our room. He took off his mask and collapsed into the plush chair. “Did you have a long day?”

He rubbed his face, then placed his head on his hands while his elbows rested on his thighs,   
“A very, _very_ long day. How was yours?”, he asked while his face was still in his hands.

“I made a little progress.”

“Is that so?”

“Yep. And you’d be surprised. This”, I said as I removed my lightsaber from my belt, “is what I’ve completed.”

I ignited the weapon, causing Kylo’s head to shoot up in attention. His face glowed a dark red against the light penetrating from the cylinder. He looked amazed, and at awe.

“The color is something I haven’t seen before. Its amazing Nym!”

I twirled it around and then I set into a defensive stance. It felt incredible having this kind of power in my hands. I went about a simple routine while Kylo watched. Like he said, it was amazing.

When I finished I replaced the saber back to my belt and looked at Kylo. I didn’t realize he stood up while I was too engrossed in my actions.

He stalked towards me with a look of determination on his face. What feels like years ago I would have backed away in fear, but now I stood my ground; waiting to see what would happen.

He reached me in four quick strides. We were practically touching, yet his hands remained at their sides.

“Kylo?”, I whispered.

Without allowing me a breath, he threw me over his shoulder, causing me to squeal in both excitement and surprise. He sat back onto the chair, allowing me to slide down his chest into his lap.

I took his face in my hands and really looked at him. He was handsome in a distinct way. I ran my thumb over his plump lips, which caused him a sharp intake before he gently bit down on it. His eyes seemed darker than before, which must be due to his lust. Mine were most likely mirrored with his.

Before he could himself, I began to remove my shirt and undershirt and pressing his palm to my breast. I leaned in and kissed him with desperation. He replied just as eagerly. We were all hands, breath, lips, and moans while I tried to remove his robes and shirt. Once both our chest were bear, he picked me up with my legs wrapped around his torso, still kissing him with everything I had.

He gently placed me on the bed while rocking into me. I moaned from the friction and I needed more. There were too many layers of fabric between us. I was unbuttoning my pants, then his.

Kylo started to travel lower with his kisses; starting at my jawline by my ear and working his way to my breasts. He took the twin between his fingers while the other he tangled with his mouth and tongue. He switched and did the same to the other. I was slightly arching my back, trying to get any friction between us. 

“Kylo please.”

He paused for a moment to look up at me through his lashes, “Beg for it.”

I groaned in frustration as he lowered his body so that he was below my navel. I lifted my hips so that he could remove my pants and final undergarments. He stroked one finger through my wetness, causing me to whimper.

He quickly underdressed the rest of himself before he crawled back on me, “What do you want?”

“You. Please Kylo.”

“Please what?”, he asked as he kissed my clavicle.

“You know what.”

“Maybe I do, maybe I don’t.”

I glared at him, knowing he wants me to say it, which I won’t, “Fine.”

I pushed against him, which caused him to freeze. He looked lost but leaned away from me. I pulled myself up from under him and sat up. This caused him to sit up too against the headboard.

His look of confusion and fear caused me to reply, “I’ll just do it myself.”

I crawled back over to him and straddled his lap; one knee on each side of his thigh. I leaned forward to kiss him while also rubbing up against his member.

I bit lightly onto his earlobe before whispering, “Beg for it.”

He growled but complied, “Please Nym. Oh fuck, please.”

I lifted myself up slightly to place his head at my entrance. I slowly pushed down, feeling him slide easily within me. This was deeper than we’ve gone before. I began to push up and down with my knees, but slowly. Seeing how long his composure would last. Letting it torture him with these slow rhythms.

Our foreheads were together as I gently moved against him. But I needed more, and it seemed so did he. He took one of his legs and crossed it so his heal was against his opposite thigh. I moved both legs so they were wrapped around him while I leaned back, gripping onto his bent leg. This allowed him to control the movements, which were more rapid.

His thrust were faster than my slow rhythm. He quickly moved so that I was now lying on my back with him over me. He put both of my legs over each of his shoulders and started to thrust even faster. One hand he placed on my abdomen while the other played with on of my breasts.

I moaned, feeling my release coming fast. He quickly tucked both arms under and around my shoulders while I gripped his. I felt his thrusts becoming more sporadic and less rhythmic, knowing he was close.

He leaned forward so that he was close to my ear, “I love you Nym.”

This simple statement sent me over the edge. I cried out while gripping onto his back and arching mine. I felt like someone was electrocuting me because I was shaking from my orgasm. He quickly came too after me, which caused another smaller orgasm to hit while the first ebbed away.

We both were panting, trying to catch our breaths. I pulled his face close to mine, “I love you too Kylo.”

He rolled us onto our sides with our chests still together, “I’d be lost without you.”

“And I you”, we stayed like this for a while. I must have fallen asleep because I had my head resting on his chest when I woke. He was gently stroking my curls when I opened my eyes.

“How long was I asleep?”

“Only an hour. I couldn’t sleep because the temptation to watch you sleep was too much to resist.”

I rolled my eyes before kissing him on the cheek and laying onto my back, stretching as I did so. When I was relaxed, Kylo rolled onto his side, “Do you remember the night before the failed mission? Where you sang me to sleep?”

I blushed, remembering every detail, “Yes.”

“I was trying to remember where I heard that melody before when I realized that my own mother sang it to me.”

I turned so that we were looking at each other, “Really? I think she said her father sang it to her, which is where she learned it.”

“My father would never sing me to sleep”, Kylo said, as if making an offhanded statement. He looked distraught and sad.

“You don’t have to talk about it.”

“No, I think I do. Snoke always told me to block them out, to forget. But everyday I struggle, hoping something doesn’t slip.”

“You can always talk about anything with me. To both vent and to laugh”, I thought a moment then added, “I could tell you one thing and then you tell me one thing.”

He calculated the idea; trying to figure out the flaws, “Alright. You first.”

“I have”, I stopped, alright knowing my mistake, “I _had_ five brothers. Delmon was the oldest and most stern, then Ghent. He was the one that I mistakenly, well”, I couldn’t finish. Before I let the emotion carry me I quickly continued, “then there was Kael. He was really good with calculations and figures. Zuke was my favorite. He’s the one that gave me my nickname ‘comet’. Finally, there is Percy. Actually, I don’t know what happened to Percy.”

Kylo remained silent as I spoke. He looked at me with curiosity and something else I couldn’t quite put a finger on.

“Alright, now you.”

“I was an only child.”

“I felt like an only child after the accident with my mother.”

“My family’s bloodline is also strong with the force.”

“I think my mother was also strong with the force.”

And that is how our night went on, throwing personal statements and facts back and forth to each other. Some were important while others were simple facts like what our favorite color was and how one hated the smell of Hux’s hair gel.

 


	33. Twins

****

“I’m leaving for a day, two at most”, Kylo said from the bedroom while I was braiding my hair in the bathroom, “I want you to continue with your training, especially your meditation.”

I finished tying off the end while I walked out of the bathroom, “Can I practice on Hux?”

“Not until you’ve mastered the art of deceit and he doesn’t realize what you’re doing.”

I paused, looking at his back with a dumfounded look. He’d taken me seriously. Poor Hux.

“I’ll see you when I return”, he said before placing his helmet on.

“Just, please come back”, I replied. He pulled on my braid before stating, “Always.”

 

\--

 

I continued with training that day like any other day. I practiced with the replicated lightsaber in the new scenario room, then lunch, studying, and back to the training room.

I meditated for a couple hours before I grew tired. I laid back on the mat to stretch, but instead of returning to my sitting position, I just stayed on my back with my arms and legs stretched out. I lightly connected with the force in an attempt to continue meditating, but instead I fell asleep.

I didn’t feel as if I was asleep long, so I went to sit up to return to my room, but I froze. I wasn’t in the training room.

I scrambled to my feet and instantly unholstered my lightsaber from its spot on my hip. I didn’t ignite it yet but was ready to at any second. I glanced around the empty, barren desert. _What the flying fuck?_

I was standing in the middle of a fucking desert. I spun around, looking for something. Anything. Yet there was nothing in site, only sand. There was a strong wind, I could tell by the shifting sand, yet nothing on me moved. I didn’t feel the heat of the sun nor the bite of the blowing sand in my face and eyes.

“Hello Nymeria”, I voice said behind me. I whipped around and ignited the weapon. Standing before me was a faintly familiar male. He was tall with dark brown hair that was streaked with grey, which matched the color of his eyes. His beard was also streaked with grey. He was tan with dark circles under his grey eyes. But none of this caused a cold chill down my spine than the faint blue outline around his body.

He took a step near me. “Don’t you dare move”, I declared.

He stopped where he was and raised his eyebrow like a champ, “There is no need to be afraid.”

“I am not afraid.”

“Then put the weapon away.”

“No.”

He sighed, “You’re just like your mother.”

“You know nothing of my mother”, I was seething now, “Who are you.”

He rubbed his weathered face and ran a hand through his beard before saying, “You know me Nym. Maybe not from your memory, but from a memory I sent to you.”

This comment caused me to faulter. It couldn’t be, “Dain?”

“I’d prefer ‘grandfather’, but yes, my name is Dain.”

“Holy shit”, I whispered. I turned the lightsaber off and replaced it at my belt.

“You made it bleed”, he said, looking disappointed and sad.

I didn’t reply to this statement. I was too shocked that I was speaking with my mother’s father. “What happened to you?”

“I was killed by a Sith Lord just prior to your birth.”

 _Oh_. I thought about this for a moment. Then it occurred to me, “What happened after Mara died?”

“I’ll show you”, he said. I hadn’t realized he was close enough now that he was able to place his hand against my cheek. It felt like I was falling while I also felt like I was standing still. I had to close my eyes from feeling this vertigo.

 

 

\--

 

“I swear the call was coming from this vicinity”, said a cracked voice from under a brown cloak. It sounded feminine and odd. Like the person had an accent I couldn’t place.

“Let’s just continue on. It could be a trap of some sort”, said a second, deeper voice with a similar accent. Both humans were wrapped in brown cloaks to protect them from the dry heat and sand.

“Here!”, exclaimed the first voice. This one unwrapped the cloak, showing a female while the second voice showed a male. He squatted down and brushed off some sand, revealing a doorway and a latch. He opened it and peered down, seeing only darkness. He dug into his bag on his side and found a light, which he clipped onto his wrist before making his way down the ladder. The female followed his lead before closing the latch, leaving both of them in darkness.

When they landed they began to search the small, hidden compound. The male started in what seemed was the communication room while the female continued on down the hall.

The man was tinkering with one of the switches when he heard his partner gasp. He quickly found her kneeling next to a woman covered in blood.

“She’s dead”, said the woman. She stood up, eyeing the handprint on the wall. They both swept their lights throughout the room, finding nothing of importance. They were about to leave the compound when they heard a faint cry. The woman traced the cry back to the room with the body. She opened the compartment hidden within the wall, finding a newborn wrapped in a bloody towel.

“Oh my! Look at this. You poor thing.”

“We can’t care for it, and you know it”, said the male, “We need to leave. Someone could be coming and that someone could be Darth Mal.”

“I’m not leaving the poor thing.”

“Fine, let’s just get out of here”, he said while feeling like someone was watching them. The couple left the small compound with the small addition. They trekked back through the desert and back to their own home.

 

\--

 

I felt like I was pushed, causing me to land onto my ass. Dain was standing in front of me with what I would call a smirk. I stood up and unconsciously wiped the nonexistent sand from my hands onto my pants.

“Who were they?”

“Some scavengers on a desert planet. They were nobody, which is the point. They took my other child without my knowledge of her existence.”

He looked away, as if he was fighting not to shed a tear. I felt drawn to him, as if I wanted to offer my comfort, but I held myself back.

“What happened to her?”

“They named her Aayla and she was your mother’s identical twin. It was a shock when I found her, though at that point I was like I am now”, he gestured to himself. He was speaking about the blue outline and the fact that he was dead. “Aayla only ever left the planet of Jakku once, though she did have a life there. She too was a scavenger, but she struggled to survive. This initiated her to take desperate measures, causing her to become pregnant.”

 _Pregnant. I might still have someone living other than Percy_.

Dain must have sensed my growing eagerness because he stated, “Yes, you have a cousin.”

“Where-“, Dain stopped me with a raised hand, “She is alive, though she will need protection. She, like you, are from the Arcinia line. You both need to protect each other.”

“Is she sensitive?”

“Yes, and like you, she doesn’t know.”

I thought for a moment, thinking of my next question but I was interrupted, “You’ve spent enough time here. I will return you to yourself.”

I was feeling the tug of consciousness, but I needed to know one more thing, “Who is she?”

“Her name is Rey.”

 

 

*Fireworks explode in air* BOOM

 


	34. Who Are You?

I was restless and without sleep, so I meditated throughout the night. Although, I never saw Dain again, only the greyish nothingness, which allowed me to review my thoughts. I gave up on sleep and decided to begin my day early. I quickly went through my morning routine and headed towards the training room.

I was determining which scenario to run through with the lightsaber replica when I saw General Hux turn the corner. I jogged up to meet with him and his following Stormtroopers.

“Good morning General”, I said, causing him to slightly jerk in surprise, but quickly composed himself.

He looked down at his tablet before asking, “What are you doing up this early?”

“Couldn’t sleep.”

He didn’t answer, he just continued to walk down the hall. We quickly passed the hallway that lead to the training and scenario room, but I wanted something different to do.

“Can I help you with anything?”, he asked while still briskly walking to his destination.

“Nope.”

“Then I suggest you caring on with your schedule.”

“And what if I have nothing planned?”

“Not my problem.”

I hesitated in my step but continued to follow him. He mustn’t be a morning person. “Well, I’ll leave you to it”, I said turning around.

“Oh, Arcinia”, he stated, causing me to turn slightly, “Ren has returned.”

I nodded my head and made my way back to my room instead of training. I couldn’t concentrate. When I returned to the bedroom I decided to try on my armor to see if I can become faster at placing it on.

I was running through the motions when I heard something fall. _Shit, I broke something_. I bent to see what fell and saw a small silver box. It was faintly familiar, but I couldn’t quite place where I saw it before. Shrugging my shoulders, I placed it back on my belt when Kylo entered the room.

He placed his helmet on the desk and stretched. “Going somewhere?”, he asked.

“No, just trying to get faster at this”, I replied. “I’m glad you’re back though.”

He looked exhausted, but he was just on a mission, “How did the mission go?”

“It could have gone smoother.”

I turned back towards the storage box and began replacing the black armor piece by piece. I glanced at Kylo standing at the desk, staring into space. “Peggot for your thought?”

“Hmm? No. I have a few meetings to attend and might not be back until late tonight or early morning.”

I was slightly disappointed, but understood, “I’ll see you later then.”

 

\--

 

I was in a dreamless sleep when my door was busted open. I shot up and force grabbed my lightsaber, igniting it once I was free of the sheets. The only light was from my burgundy light and a lighter red from a cross blade lightsaber.

 _Kylo_. I turned off my weapon and placed it on one of the tables near the bed. He was slashing at the walls and furniture near him. I sat at the end of the bed until he paused to take a breath and to review his destructive surroundings.

“Kylo”, I whispered. He glared up at me when I said his name. “What happened?”

“P - “, he stopped and tried again, “The prisoner from the mission escaped with a defected Stormtrooper.”

 _Shit. That explains his anger_.

“Get dressed we are meeting Snoke.”

I quickly grabbed my clothing and dressed in the dark while he continued to seethe in anger. I was done in under five minutes. We left the room in a fury; or more like me trying to catch up with a stalking Kylo. This pace sent fear down my spine, but not fear for myself but for the prisoner and the defect.

We made it to the hologram meeting room that was guarded by two Stormtroopers. Hux was waiting outside the doors. He looked pissed, but he also looked like he might piss his pants. I was too worried about the meeting to notice more details.

We entered the meeting room. I followed the two men until I stood a couple meters behind them when they reached the end. The hologram showed a glowing Snoke in his usual demanding manor.

***“The droid will soon be delivered to the Resistance, leading them to the last Jedi. If Skywalker returns, then the new Jedi will rise”, the Supreme Leader said while leaning forwards.

General Hux immediately spoke, “Supreme Leader I take full respons –“

“ _General_ ”, Snoke stood to his full height, causing the only light in the room to be blocked. The remanence of his voice echoed in the chamber. I flinched but stood my ground. “Our strategy must now change”, he said in an almost whisper; like an afterthought.

Hux began speaking again, most likely to cover his ass. He began talking about destroying the Republic that was helping the Resistance with a weapon. I had no idea what weapon he was talking about. Kylo glanced at him by turning his helmeted head towards him.

The Supreme Leader sat back onto his throne, “Go. Oversee preparations.”

“Yes, Supreme Leader”, Hux said as he left the room, but not before smirking at me.

Snoke began speaking again, which caused my full attention back in front of me. “There’s been an awakening. Have you found it?”

“Yes”, Kylo said through his mask. I continued to stand behind Ren with my hands clasped behind me.

“There is something more. The Droid we seek is aboard the Millennium Falcon in the hands of your father, Han Solo.”  
_What? No. That would mean. Holy shit Leia is his mother_.

“He means nothing to me”, Kylo demanded.

“Even you, the master of the Knights of Ren, have never faced such a test.”

“By the grace of your training I will not be seduced.”

“We shall see. We shall see. As for you Arcinia. Your test will soon draw near.”

The hologram evaporated, leaving Kylo and I alone. He turned and stalked out of the room with me following like a shadow. I remained calm, though I was pissed that he never said anything about his family. He only said bits here and there, but never the fucking details.

We returned to our room, but before the door could even close I had my boots off. I took both of them and threw them at his helmet. “Who the fuck are you?”

“You know exactly who I am”, he replied with his back still facing towards me.

“Do I?”, I yelled at him. Waves of anger rolled off of me. He turned around slowly to look at my fuming form.

“I was afraid to tell you.”

I scoffed, “If you want to make that your excuse, fine. But don’t lie to me”, I said. I turned to leave shoeless from the bedroom. I ran to the scenario room so that I could hit, punch, and use my energy for training instead of a wall or a control panel. I grew exhausted but continued at it.

I knew he might have actually been afraid to tell who his parents were, but after everything I shared with him the little he could have done was told me the truth. Although, this explained why he made the offhand comments like about the lullaby and how Leia was a disappointment of a mother.

I also couldn’t be mad at him for not telling me his secrets. There are so many things that I haven’t discussed with him. I wasn’t necessarily keeping them from him, I just could predict his reaction and found it better if I kept them to myself.

When my anger finally burned out, I left to return to the bedroom. Upon my return I found it empty with the damaged furniture pushed against the damaged wall. Everything looked like a disaster, but I didn’t care. I bathed then quickly began to ready for bed. I waited for Kylo to return, but he never did. I eventually drifted off to sleep, dreaming of a small, black haired child.

 

_***The following conversation is from the Force Awakens. I do not own this conversation, only Nym and the conversations that involves her***_


	35. A Failed Interrogation

“Nym”, I heard a whisper and felt my shoulder being shaken lightly.

I moaned and rolled over. I was falling back to sleep when I heard the whisper again, “Nymeria.”

I opened my eyes and rolled back towards the voice. Crouched down to my eye level was Kylo. He looked distraught and troubled. Immediately I reached out and brushed my fingers through his hair.

“I am so sorry Nym.”

“Shh. What’s done is done. I forgive you.”

He quickly removed his shoes and robes before crawling into bed next to me. He seemed most comfortable when he laid his head just below my breasts with his arms wrapped around my back. I stroked his face and hair, feeling calm myself.

I was beginning to drift back to sleep, my eyelids feeling like they weighed a ton. “Please don’t ever leave me”, he whispered.

I opened my eyes. I paused the movement of my hand in his hair, “Why would I leave you?”

He looked up at me, “Just promise me Nym. Please”, he set his head back down, “I couldn’t bear it if you left.” I felt him begin to shake, realizing he was crying and trembling.

I motioned him to come closer to me by gently pulling on his back and shoulders. He hesitated at first, but then he crawled a bit so that he was level with me. I gripped onto the back of his neck and gently kissed him. He didn’t react to it until I pulled his bottom lip with my teeth.

“Kylo Ren, I will not leave you. I promise.”

He rested his head back onto my abdomen when I gently laid back down. I was closing my eyes again when I heard him whisper, “My name is Ben Solo.”

By that point I was too far gone to respond.

 

\--

 

I woke up with the bed empty and cold where Kylo would have been. I stretched and sat up. The room was dark, which allowed me to see the blinking light from the desk. I pulled the blankets and sheets back and got out of bed. After straightening my nightgown, I walked over to the desk and saw that it was the hologram.

I turned it on, finding a quick ‘note’ from Kylo to meet him in the interrogation room. The map to the location was already programed into my tablet.

I quickly got dressed and braided my hair. I finished strapping my boots on and grabbed the tablet before leaving. The directions were simple enough. I finally found myself outside a door guarded by a single Stormtrooper. He nodded his helmet in acknowledgement before tapping something onto his arm. Soon, the door opened to reveal Kylo in his helmet.

He gestured for me to follow him. I walked into the small room, finding that a table that was perpendicular with the floor had someone strapped onto it. This brought back a flash of memories from when I was initially interrogated in a room very similar to this. Flashbacks of the pain from it made me break out into a cold sweat. Kylo walked around to sit in front of this person. I followed him while also looking at the prisoner.

The prisoner was female. Her skin was tanned as if she spent the majority of her time in the sun. She had similar colored hair with mine, though her hair was made up into buns at the back of her head. I noticed she was also unconscious. Her outfit was a tan robe with leggings. It was simple and seemed easy to maneuver around in.

“Who is she?”, I asked as I glanced behind me to see that Kylo was sitting with his elbows resting on his thighs, “She is a nobody. I want you to practice your interrogation strategies. It doesn’t matter if she feels you looking. Stand behind the table until I am ready.”

I nodded my head in understanding and went to take my place. He seemed to wipe his hands across her, causing her to wake up with a start. She looked at her hands and feet until she focused her sight onto Kylo.

***“Where am I”, she said with determination. I admired her on her stupidity at trying to be brave. I also noticed how she had a similar accent from the vision Dain showed me.

“You’re my guest”, Kylo replied through his helmet, avoiding her question.

“Where are the others?”

“You mean the murderers, traitors, and thieves you call friends? You’ll be relieved to know I have no idea”, he was still sitting, watching her. He tilted his head slightly, “You still want to kill me.”

I then knew he was looking into her mind without her realizing it.

“That’s what happens when you’re being hunted by a creature in a mask.”

He paused a moment. He turned his helmet slightly, looking at me. He stood up while also removing his helmet. His facial expression looked unanimated to me, but to someone who didn’t know him might have thought he looked menacing. He slammed his helmet into a bowl of ashes before striding nearer to the table.

He looked towards me when he knew he was out of her peripheral. He walked back towards her, which I could tell she was uncomfortable, “Tell me about the droid.”

“He’s a BB-8 unit with a selenium drive and a thermal hobbs – “

I stood stock still, listening to what sounded like Poe’s droid.

“He’s carrying a section of a navigational chart and we have the rest recovered from the archives of the empire, but we need the last piece and somehow, you convinced the droid to show it to _you_. A scavenger.”

_That’s what Aayla was, right?_

“You know I can take whatever I want?”, he said. He quickly leaned forward and hovered his gloved hand above her cheek. This caused me to flinch even though I knew it wasn’t happening to me.

“You’re so lonely. So afraid to leave. At night, desperate to sleep. You imagine an ocean, I see it. I see the island. And Han Solo; you feel like he’s the father you never had. He would have disappointed you.”

“Get out of my head”, the girl snarled at him.

He leaned back, gesturing for me to come into view. I walked on the opposite side of the table so that the prisoner would finally be able to see me. She looked confused, then slightly shocked. Recognition flittered across her features, but they were quickly replaced with fear.

“I know you’ve seen the map. It’s in there and now you’ll give it to us.”

He pulled me in front of him and lifted my arm up so that it was level with her face. He leaned in so he could whisper in my ear, “Feel her in front of you. Feel around her. Feel her pulse and her sweat. Her fear. Find her mind and tap into it. Latch onto memories and pull yourself through them.”

I concentrated and closed my eyes. I focused on her being. I felt her even though I wasn’t physically touching her. I felt a sliver of conscious, which I gripped onto. I pulled into her thoughts and memories like I was pulling random items out of a drawer. I too saw an island, though I’ve never seen the ocean. I opened my eyes and saw that she was struggling and in pain. I had the urge to stop, but Kylo gripped onto my arm, forcing me to continue.

I felt something attach to my own memories, causing me to falter back into Kylo. He pushed me closer to the prisoner. I lifted my arm up and tried again. She too was looking at me with her yellow-green eyes. It was like we were at a contest, seeing who’s mind we could penetrate first. I pushed harder, but so did she.

I kept pushing until I heard her voice: _Watch the disk Nymeria_.

This time I lost all holds on her and stepped back, “I can’t seem to do it.”

Kylo looked livid. He quickly grabbed his helmet and left. I took one more glance at her with pure confusion and slight fear before following Kylo.

 

\--

 

We continued down the halls until we made it back to our room. I was nervous for one of his outbreaks of anger, but it never came. He quickly turned around and threw his helmet off. He gripped me by the shoulders, “You were fantastic. Especially her being a force yielder. I’m surprised she overcame you, but you being able to last that long was incredible.”

He took a step back and began pacing, “She might be the ‘awaking’ Snoke was speaking of. I’ll have to discuss this with him.”

He went to retrieve his helmet from the floor before he came over and picked me up, swinging me around. He kissed me passionately before he left in a furry of robes.

I stood in the middle of the room, staring at the closed door in shock. I was lost in thought when I remembered her voice. _Watch the disk Nymeria_. What disk?

I looked around the room, as if it would give me the answer. That’s when I noticed the furniture and the wall was fixed. _They must have just finished it_. Fast work. I looked around the room slowly again and saw my armor storage box was missing. I went over to where is was prior to the renovations. I glanced around the room again to find it next to my side of the bed.

I went over to it and opened it up; just to check that everything was in place. That’s when I saw the silver box against the black armor _._ I took it out and opened it, finding a small circular disk.

 _Watch the disk_. Confused I stood up, holding the disk between my pointer finger and thumb. I glanced over to the hologram device Kylo had used to show me the surveillance of my first mission. I walked over to it and placed it onto the floor.

It took me a while, but then I was able to find where the disk was to be inserted. I stood back and mentally prepared myself for the unknown.

 

_***The following conversation is from the Force Awakens. I do not own this conversation, only Nym and the conversations that involve her***_


	36. The Truth

The hologram lit up the room, showing scenes that felt as if I were there. The first image was of a strange looking planet. It was as if someone placed together thousands of ships and made it into a planet. The bottom of the image showed an unknown language, which then showed the language I understood.

_Dravian Starport_

I immediately remembered Percy. He was selling fabrics through Skypath industries. The next image was actually a moving picture like the surveillance videos. It showed a group of ten to fifteen stormtroopers walking together down what looked like an alleyway.

They seemed to make it to their destination, which showed a lone man carrying a cloth bag over his shoulders. He turned and was able to catch a glimpse of him. Although he had grown older and had a slight beard to him, I recognized Percy. His hair was still blonde and his eyes grey. He looked like Delmon in a way. What I didn’t initially catch was the fear that was clearly shown in his eyes and facial features. I was thrilled that he was standing there in the hologram; as if he was here in the room with me.

I knew he was still alive. I knew it. I was smiling ear to ear when the Stormtroopers took aim and fired.

I stood stock still; mouth agape. _No_.

The scene showed a close-up of Percy’s laser riddled body and the pool of blood that began to surround him.

It ended, causing the room to go dark, though the hologram was still running. My hands began to shake, and I felt sick, but the hologram showed another scene that made me pause. It showed a planet that wasn’t recognizable, though I haven’t seen very many in my time. Again, the unknown language showed up at the bottom, which was quickly translated.

 _My home planet_.

I gripped onto the desk behind me for support. I watched as the next scene showed Stormtroopers running out of ships similar to the ones I saw during my first mission. They filed out and started running towards the town’s center. Flashes of my own memories combined with the scene of Stormtroopers killing innocent men, women, and children caused me to drop to my knees.

I couldn’t face what was coming, but I forced myself to watch. What I wasn’t prepared for was the man I have grown to love making a presence in the moving picture. He was in his usual black robes and unmistakable helmet. He was pacing by a row of bodies and I heard him interrogate them, asking for a woman that was sensitive to the force. He wanted to know where they were hiding her.

Since nobody answered, he gave the signal and they were all killed. Masses of people slaughtered over this little information. Group after group came before him. They were asked the same questions, and since nobody had the answer, they were slaughtered. This continued until he gave orders to a Stormtrooper to carry on his work. Then, I saw him walking towards the ever familiar shop.

_No, no, no, oh please no._

I couldn’t hear anything anymore; it was like a ringing in my ears.

My father and brothers and their family were not killed by a blaster. They were stabbed by a lightsaber. A bright red cross-blade lightsaber. The video ended with a frozen image of Kylo Ren standing over the body of Zuke and his two small children.

I heard screaming, but it wasn’t coming from the video. It was coming from me.

 

\--

 

I collapsed into a fetal position. There was so much pain. So much hatred. So much feelings of betrayal. All this time, and yet it was a lie. I killed because of a lie. Anger gripped me like a vice that refused to let go. It clouded my vision and thoughts. The claws of my self hatred seeped deep into my soul. Everything was spinning yet staying still. Chaos was surrounding me, yet there was only silence.

 _Focus Nymeria_ came a whisper of a voice. It sounded like they were speaking through a can, yet it echoed like it was coming from a cave. _Focus_.

I moved so that I was sitting on my knees, though I was still bent over, clutching my abdomen, “Silence!”

 _Focus_ , came the whisper, _Nym you need to focus. Don’t let the anger take over. Use it to focus._

“Leave me alone!”, I screamed as sobs racked my body.

 _Escape with Rey_.

“Rey?”

_Yes. She needs you._

“Where is she?”

An image of the tanned girl strapped to the table flashed through me.

I gripped onto the lightsaber that I was told to bleed for. I tightened my hold around the hilt with my heterogenous hand. I had the need to kill, but the voice was right, I knew what needed to be done. All those hours studying the base is now coming into play.

I needed revenge, but not just on _him_ , but the _entire base._

I stood up, with the weapon still clutched in my grasp. I forced the anger aside while using its fuel to push me towards my mission. I quickly grabbed one of the black jackets that I’ve never had to use before and the blaster from the armor case. I knew I’d be needing both for later. Before I left, I also grabbed my tablet and attached it and the blaster onto my hip.

I quickly slipped on the sleeves of the jacket while I left the room. I began walking down the halls, meeting only a few Stormtroopers, who I killed instantly. Nobody was able to escape, because even if they tried to run, I used the force to drag them back.

I traced my steps back to where the interrogation room was. I turned the corner and quickly killing the one Stormtrooper on guard. _Odd that they would use only one guard._ I walked into the room, finding a Stormtrooper dropping his gun and walking past me without any acknowledgement. I looked back and found Rey stepping off and away from the table. She was bending down to get the gun when she saw my feet.

Rey gasped before asking, “Nymeria?”

I wanted to ask how she knew my name, but I had a more calamitous agenda that I needed to stick to.

“I’m letting you go. I will help you leave the base, but from there you’re on your own.”

“Alright”, she whispered as she began to follow me out of the room.

“Why are you letting me go?”

I didn’t respond, I just continued down the halls. “Can you climb?”, I asked without turning.

“Of course.”

“Good”, we continued down multiple halls until we reached my destination. I opened a small door that lead to a large open space. I went to the opening and began to climb up the wall. “We can’t risk running into anyone if we use the lifts.”

Rey didn’t answer me, but she followed without hesitance.

“Are we close?”, Rey whispered, trying not to have her voice echo.

I lifted my fingers to my lips before looking upwards. I quickly reached out and grabbed a Stormtrooper by the ankle, pulling him into the abyss below us. With the hall being cleared, I quickly climbed up and over. I reached down and helped pull Rey up. We were now closer to the level that contained the surface of the base, which meant we were close to the landing port and storage for the TIE-ships.

We began to walk down the hallway when she asked again, “Are we close?”

I didn’t answer. I needed to remain focus. I continued to walk until I felt a presence coming our way. I immediately got into my defensive stance, though Rey continued to walk in front of me. I went to reach out for her when she turned and ran into a small group. Rey seemed to immediately recognize them.

****“You alright?”, asked the older male.

“Yeah”, Rey replied.

“Good.” The younger male gripped onto Rey’s arms, “What happened to you? Did he hurt you?”, he tried to get a good look at her.

“Finn, what are you doing here?”, Rey asked.

“We came back for you.”

There was an odd sound before Rey said, “That it was your idea.” She went to hug the young man. He whispered, “How did you get away?”

I didn’t wait to hear an answer. I began to walk away when I heard Rey shout, “Wait!”

I stopped and turned towards her, “You found your friends, which you all have to leave. I have business to attend to.”

“Hold on”, said an older, greying male, “We’re leaving soon if you want to join us.”

“I have something I need to finish first”, I said while looking at him. He looked familiar, as if I knew him somehow.

“Han, we need to go”, said the younger male, which caused the large furred creature to make an odd gurgling noise as if he was agreeing.

 _Han Solo_. “You’re his father”, I said in a whisper that only the older male could here.

He just looked at me in surprise, but was interrupted by the younger male named Finn, “Han we need to turn off that shield.”

I turned towards him quickly, which caused him to take a quick step back, “What did you say?”

Han lightly touched my shoulder, but I swatted his hand away, “We need to turn off the base’s shield so that our men can attack the oscillator.”

Rey looked shock, so did Finn, “Why did you just tell her our plan!?”

“Because she knows how to do it”, replied Han.

 

_***The following conversation is from the Force Awakens. I do not own this conversation, only Nym and the conversations that involve her***_

 

 


	37. Destruction

“There is a control panel outside”, I said while pointing to the map of the base from my tablet. “I know where it is”, stated Finn with a boldness that I was quickly finding annoying. I was told earlier by Rey that Finn was the defective Stormtrooper from a few days ago.

I wanted to tell Rey about our blood relation, but I remained quite and enigmatic. I made a quick glare that could wilt a plant at the darker skinned male before stating, “Finn, Rey, and myself will go there and deactivate the shield. Han and Chewbacca, you know what to do.”

The furry beast made an odd sound in agreement. “Alright kids let’s get to it”, said the older man.

Our two groups separated quickly and quietly. _That man is unsentimental like his child_.

I was lost in thought while I was followed by Finn and Rey to the door that would lead outside. If the plan went smoothly, then we would be able to detonate the explosives, causing them to destroy the oscillator’s conduit, allowing for one of the pilots to fire at the now charged oscillator. This hopefully will cause a chain reaction of explosions that will ultimately destroy the base. _And him._

We approached the door, which had a control panel to the side. I typed in the figures, causing a blast of freezing air to hit the three of us as the door opened. I didn’t hesitate to trek outside; it felt like a lifetime since I felt a breeze through my hair. I turned left and began making my way to the panel that held the backup controls for the shield. It was quite genius having this ‘oh shit’ backup plan. The two behind me paused in their steps when they saw the red beam that was beginning to drain the star.

When they stopped ogling, they quickly stood at attention to stand watch. I could hear the two behind me shivering, though it seemed the cold did nothing to me. We made it to the panel quickly. I attached my tablet and began processing the deactivation codes. I don’t understand how I knew what to do, but I just let myself go on autopilot. It was as if another force was urging me on, manipulating my limbs to do their biding while I just sat back and observed. I felt too numb from the anger to initiate physically. My subconscious called this shock while I called it a mild relief until it broke.

 _Deactivation complete_ read the screen. “Is it done?”, asked Rey who was intermittently watching the draining star.

“Yes.”

They turned to head back towards the door, but I felt the urge to not follow. It was as if the same force that was leading me was now pulling me away. I was stuck between following them to following the force. I was having this internal battle that felt like I was being torn in two. Follow them or follow _Them_.

_Come to us child._

That voice. The one that kept haunting me, dragging me, tearing me apart. I clutched my curls while dropping to my knees into the cold, wet snow. I was trembling, but it wasn’t from the chill. I heard Rey calling my name and Finn telling her to leave me.

 _Good, they need to leave before I hurt them_.

I held my face in my hands. I don’t know what to do, who to fight for. Why bother if everyone I’ve ever cared for has either died, lied, or betrayed me. Anger, sadness, grief, pity, guilt all piled inside of me. Burning me from the inside out. I wanted to die.

“Nym”, a voice said beside me. It was Rey. I stood up and glared at her. She gasped, “Your eyes are yellow.”

I moved my site to look up at the sky. The force was growing inside me and I felt as if I couldn’t hold it in, so I stretched my arms out with my fists closed. I felt the force as if it was a pulsating, living thing. I grasped onto it easily. I molded it until I was now in control. When I opened my fists with my palms facing upward, the snow around Rey and I stopped falling. It was as if a dome was created around us.

Rey, out of fear, placed her hand on my arm. I felt like I was being shoved through a vacuum. All I could hear was the echo of Rey’s gasp.

 

\--

 

“Don’t leave me!”, screamed a small, brown haired child, “Don’t leave me mama!”

The girl was being held onto by a large hand on her shoulder; keeping her from running to her mother. A silhouette of a woman was walking away. The sun too bright to see her features or any details. She boarded a ship, which quickly took off and left the atmosphere.

The small child with her hair made into two little buns screamed for her mother’s return.

 

\--

 

I pushed Rey’s hand away from me. Both of us having confusion on our faces. We didn’t have time to ask each other a question before Finn yelled at us that we needed to leave. Rey took a step back from me while I did the same. With one last look at each other, Rey stepped back towards me and reached for my arm again before we began to run towards Finn.

We returned inside the base when we heard voices. It was a light echo, but I immediately heard the distinct voice that came from a black helmet. I ran over to the railing and peered down. I saw two people standing on a skywalk above the oscillator’s tube. Rage ripped through me, causing me to grip onto my lightsaber’s hilt. The moment of shock was wearing away, leaving me with a little less control.

A cool hand placed itself onto my shoulder. It was Rey’s. I went to shake it off when I saw Kylo remove his helmet and let it fall to the edge of the walkway. The three of us were watching the scene unfold. We watch as the two men approached each other, speaking softly. Then, quicker than any of us could expect, Kylo pierced the man with his lightsaber.

I was silent as Rey, Finn, and the furred breasts cries echoed throughout the large, vertical tunnel.

I gripped onto Rey’s arm, “We need to leave. I don’t think I can get you a ship in time.”

“We have the Falcon”, said Finn quietly.

“Then we need to leave immediately”, I replied in a rush.

We made our way back outside to the freezing climate. Finn pointed to a line of trees in the distance saying the Falcon was in that direction. We began making our way through the trees, running through the snow and jumping over fallen branches. Our shadows were growing elongated and weak from the drained star. It was as if dusk had fallen upon the planet.

I heard whispers that made me stop dead from my run through the trees. Finn and Rey continued on without realizing I had stopped, but for some reason I needed to pause. I whipped around, trying to see where the voices were coming from. I soon lost sight of the pair, but I felt like that didn’t matter.

I turned again, seeing shadows flickering between the trees. I couldn’t tell if the shadows were real or a figment of my imagination. Then, out of my peripheral, I saw a glimpse of someone standing behind a group of trees.

 _Nymeria_ , whispered a voice as if it was from a dream. Like it was from another lifetime.

The figure walked closer to me until I saw every detail that was surrounded by a faint blue light. It was as if I was fifteen again; his features hadn’t changed, even though his now deceased body was older.

“Zuke?”, I whispered as the figure was close enough to see the white of his eyes. I went to reach out and touch him when his grey eyes flickered yellow. I hesitated, my hand still reaching out towards him.

 _Finish him_. Came a voice from Zuke, though it was distorted, and I didn’t remember his voice sounding so deep. I dropped my hand and took a step back but bumped into another body. Hands that were outlined in blue reached onto my shoulders to turn me around. It was Percy, though his grey eyes were also a dark yellow. He looked young as well and not the same aged man I saw in the hologram.

 _Destroy him_.

I shook my head when I saw Delmon step out from behind a tree to my right followed by Kael. I was speechless. They were all younger in age, though I know their bodies had aged. They were all incased in the blue outline, though their yellow eyes were shining through the dying light from the star.

 _Slaughter him the way he slaughtered us_ , said Delmon. I pushed myself out of Percy’s grasps and dodged away from Zuke’s grabbing hands. I tripped from a branch, causing me to land onto my back, hitting my head onto a sharp rock.

My vision blurred, there was ringing in my ears, and I felt insanely dizzy like when my arm was burned. Nausea ripped through me as I tried blinking the blurred vision away. A face stood over me and leaned down. I couldn’t focus enough to see who it was until he was so close to me I could see the flecks of grey trying to escape from the yellow in the eyes.

 _You two deserve each other. You both are traitors. You both deserve to die_.

It was Ghent. He pressed his palm onto my forehead, causing me to flinch away. I felt my arms and legs being held by my brothers as Ghent pressed his palm harder into my skull. I felt a searing pain, similar to when I was interrogated. It spread as if it were vines of fire. I felt like I was burning, choking, twisting, and being crushed all at once. I felt as if I was being drained of something pure while it was quickly replaced by something polluted. Something that reeked of death.

 _The Dark Side_ whispered my mother as if her voice was being carried by the wind. As if she was being carried far away from me.


	38. Annihilation

The sound of lightsabers crashing together was what drew me towards them. I stalked like a predator tracking its prey. I stepped nimbly through the snow without making a sound; as if I was floating.

I felt anger, but as ease. I felt weightless, but also feeling the weight of a planet on my shoulders. I tried fighting my place back in my mind, but I quickly retreated into my subconscious while what seemed to be my second half took over. I didn’t dare question it after I tried attacking this second half, which led to a searing pain through my skull.

I watched as the light of a blue and red lightsaber were mid-duel. I watched on from the shadows of a dying star. I didn’t feel afraid, though something nagged me to be. Something felt wrong, but I was too tried to find out why. This dizziness of emotions caused me to cut them all out so that I could feel numb, which was another benefit of me standing aside and letting whatever this was control me.

I felt in charge, though also not. It was this odd sensation of being in control while also not. It was exhilarating and emotionless at the same time. Like I cared too much but also not at all.

I watched until I saw the man in the black robes slice the air, cutting into the back of a vaguely familiar male. I was pushed towards the robed male, but not knowing why. I couldn’t fight the urge, but I also didn’t want to.

He must have felt my presence, because he turned to face me. Shock and recognition registered quickly onto his features. He notably relaxed, but this didn’t stop me from stalking towards him and igniting my own burgundy lightsaber.

I twirled the weapon before taking my defensive stance. Confusion was written all over the man’s face, but this didn’t stop me from taking my first swing. He easily deflected it.

“Nym! What are you doing?”, the man yelled while blocking another of my attacks.

I didn’t realize he was speaking to me at first. I didn’t know what ‘Nym’ was. I continued to advance onto him with the saber. His confusion giving me the upper hand.

“Nym!”

Something small stirred within me. Like how water is just beginning to boil. A slight difference that wasn’t noticeable until focused on, which I didn’t allow myself to. I kept attacking while he kept deflecting. He wasn’t even trying to attack back.

Again, that flutter of recognition hit when I grew close to his face. I could just distinctly make out his dilated pupils against his dark colored eyes. Those eyes; why did I know them.

It felt like a word that was at the tip of my tongue, I couldn’t quite seem to grasp this feeling. It was like an itch I couldn’t scratch. An itch that was increasing by the minute.

I attacked again, but this time he pushed back. Our red sabers igniting in sparks as we pushed each other with the opposing saber. He got close to my face again, though I had the urge to close my eyes and turn away.

 _Focus child_.

I opened my eyes that I hadn’t realized I closed and pushed against him while using the force. Now that I was clear I made a quick twirl with my body, slicing a tree clean through before hitting his saber again.

 _That’s right child,_ whispered a voice like it was in my ear but also in my skull, _focus on your target. Annihilate him!_

“Nymeria!”

That voice. I knew that voice. He pushed against the saber so that we were close again. He struggled but was able to raise his gloved hand and pressed it into my temple.

I froze with my mouth agape. I dropped my now retracted lightsaber into the snow, followed by my knees landing beside it. He still had his palm pressed into my temple, while the other gripped onto the back of my head to keep me from pulling away. He was kneeling in front of me. I felt his presence along with the second one in my mind. It felt like he clutched onto this second being and dragged it out, causing it to tear through my mind.

I screamed with pain as memories were torn and replaced. Emotions were scattered, and I felt inevitably lost and alone. _Alone. I will always be alone_.

My eyes closed while I pushed the male away. I grasped onto my head and went into a fetal position into the snow. As soon as his fingers left my temple, voices rushed through me like a dark, silver wave.

 

_I killed Mama? Your mother loved you very much. You little bitch. I will kill you for this. Whatever happened that day was not your fault. Congratulations Nymeria. You are now officially a part of the Resistance. Split up, we can meet at my ship on the other side of this hill. You know I can get any information I want from you. Who. Did. This? The Resistance. What will it be over? Your position with the First Order. Will I be trained to destroy the Resistance? In time, yes. You’re just too pathetic. How long have you been seeing him? Who? Do not play coy with me. I wish you luck. Just, please come back. I apologize for taking advantage over you. You are not taking advantage over me. No, this makes you even more beautiful. Please don’t ever leave me. I could stay like this forever. I bet I could make you sing. Goodnight Nym. You’re more than just my master. You’re my everything. What I would love to do with you right now Nym. I love you Nym. I will not leave you. I promise._

_Annihilate him._

 

Tears were streaming down my face. I felt sadness, anger, grief, hatred, loathing, happiness, and even the feeling of finally being loved. Everything rushed back to me. All of my memories, both good, bad, and the unbelievable came crashing back.

I gathered myself onto my knees and looked up at Kylo, who was standing watch over me. I looked down at my hands; one was normal while the other was a mix between metal and skin. I stood up and brushed a stray tear away.

Kylo took a step towards me with a hand facing palm up for me to take. I took a step towards him and hit him with everything I had while using my metal hand. I heard a crack as I hit his nose.

He twisted away and grabbed onto his face, pulling his black glove away and seeing blood dripping onto the snow. I quickly used the force to bring my saber back into my hand. He looked at me with confusion and panic.

“Nym? What are-“

In a monotone voice I replied, “You lied.”

He stood there blinking at me for a moment while still wiping the blood away, “About what?”

My lip curled up in anger and my face contorted into pure rage. I came at him with a now ignited light saber, but he was quick to grab his own and defend himself. I attacked faster and harder than moments ago. I fought, but I didn’t fight for my life. No, I was fighting for revenge for my family’s lives.

I twisted and twirled with agile grace. I swung, and I pierced at him, though each time he was able to deflect my manic attacks. Again and again I let my rage course through me.

I stepped back to get my bearings, “I gave myself to you over,” I tried to hit his leg, but he stopped me, “and over again.” I stabbed towards his torso, but he easily side stepped away. “You _KILLED THEM_!” I screamed as I lashed out, using the force to push him into a tree. He hit it hard with his back, causing him to lay still for a moment once he landed.

Deep, deep down I had this miniscule concern that he wasn’t going to get back up. I dashed that thought away as I quickly recalled the vivid hologram of my family being murdered by someone I had deeply trusted. Someone I had given my life to.

I heard something move besides me in the distance. I glanced over, while still keeping most of my focus on the dark figure in front of me. I saw a female rise from the snow, looking disoriented. She noticed movement and looked right at me. _Rey_.

I stood there breathing like I had just ran for miles. My chest was heaving as I was trying to catch my breath and not begin to panic. My control, if I would call it that, was slipping away.

Rey stood up and used a hand against a tree to balance herself. For the first time since I met her just earlier today, she used the force. She used it to retrieve the lightsaber that Finn had used to attack Kylo.

Speaking of which, the man himself began to stir and get up. He looked disoriented before he composed himself and returned to face me. I didn’t bother to see what Rey was doing; I was too busy resuscitate my hatred for him.

I didn’t give him much of a chance to regain himself before I assailed him with my lightsaber. Fury pushed me to hit him harder each time. I felt the rush of a memory of two males, one dark and one light, as they fought each other on the hot, red planet. Months of training along with the memories of the strongest Sith Lords flowed through me. Nothing could defeat me.

 

Absolutely nothing.


	39. The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: Please don't hate me...

My last few moments until I was defeated went by in a blur. I don’t remember details, though there are points that were so vivid it was as if I could smell the burning flesh, could hear the imploding planet and cries of pain, that I could still see the anguish writing on the face of my once lover.

When clarity struck, I felt enlightened. It was as if I possessed the simplicity of thought, similar to a child. It was so simple; so black and white, light and dark, good and evil. I had to finish the destruction that grasped onto me like opposite poles of a magnet. For over two decades I was running from ruins that were created in my life, though with this single moment of pure lucidity, I knew the choice I had to make.

 

I fought Kylo Ren as if my very life depended on it, though it wasn’t my life I had the urge to fight for. The realization that I was truly alone brought me to a striking reality that crushed me.

I fought Kylo because I needed to feel something, and at that point it was pure anger and rage. It was this polluted way of thinking that eventually lead me to my final choice.

 

The combat between us lasted for only moments, though years felt like they were going by. I was too enclosed in myself that I failed to notice the very planet I was standing on was in its eminent point of obliteration. During this one-on-one fighting scene between Kylo and I, my once flight partner was preparing the chain reaction of explosions. The now fully, physically healed Poe Dameron was flying to the conduit as I was being pushed over a newly formed ravine.

Ren and I had fought until my heels were on the edge of the reaction. He leaned over me while pushing his lightsaber against mine. Red against burgundy. The lights were reflecting off our two very different eyes; his being brown and mine yellow. He begged me to stop, for him to explain. There was no use of him asking for forgiveness, especially at that particular moment. This begging had ignited another wave of rage that allowed me to push him into a defensive position.

 

I had attacked with a fury and anger as if someone had possessed me, though I know I was alone in my subconscious. The Sith Lords had completed their jobs. I was now a puppet without strings. I was trained and ready to lead the Sith like once before. Like the many Arcinias before me.

 

Ren tried to fight, but from his previous wound made by the Wookiee, he was quickly growing weak. This allowed me to lacerate his leg and pierce his left shoulder. He faltered backwards and landed onto his side. I stepped near him, but he was able to regain himself. He had the audacity to grip onto my wrist, but I was faster. I ended up pushing Ren’s lightsaber into the ground, causing his Kyber crystal to grow unstable. What I didn’t realize at the time was the crystal had cracked, making the once powerful weapon just a little weaker.

 

Finally, his arm that was holding his saber gave out, causing both of us to lean towards his right. I found this pristine opportunity to bring my darker colored lightsaber and slash through the air, making contact through his right clavicle up to the left side of his forehead in a diagonal fashion.

 

Then everything was silent. I couldn’t even hear my own heartbeat that was pounding in my chest. It was just this pure, beautiful silence. And alas, this was when my clarity struck. Every tight grip that the Sith lords had onto me vanished; as if it evaporated like water.  This was when I made the decision to complete this viscous cycle that followed me.

 

Ghent was right from the beginning. I deserved to die.

 

I had felt the ground shifting. Then, quicker than I had time to comprehend, the ground split, causing Kylo and I to become separated by another ravine. I could see him sitting up to watch me. His good arm reached out towards me, as if he already knew what my plan was.

 

I felt a single tear slowly run down my cheek and to the bridge of my nose. I had closed my eyes; not bearing to see his face. His beautiful face that I had mutilated. I then took the heterogenous hilt of my burgundy lightsaber with both hands. I turned it, so the blade was facing downwards towards the ground.

 

I breathed in. I breathed out.

 

I took the ignited lightsaber and penetrated it through my abdomen until it reached the cold air behind me.


	40. A Body Stained Crimson

****Author’s note:****  I know that Rey immediately seeks out Skywalker which leads straight from  _The Force Awakens_  to  _The Last Jedi_  within maybe a day or two. I’m making it last for a couple weeks instead of days (or months haven't made it that far yet). This means, yes, the original Resistance base was destroyed by Starkiller base, but I’m making it so they move onto a temporary base until they need to leave that too, leading to them being chased down by the First Order (and what we saw happen in  _The Last Jedi_ ).

If this gets confusing, then I apologize; I just wanted to warn you all before I continue on.

Much love and many thanks!! *air hugs*

\--

They told me the impossible, but I had to see for myself. I ran down the halls, my dark hair flowing into my eyes and my jacket billowing out behind me. People that were unloading cargo onto the new base frantically tried to get out of my way.

 _I need to see her_.

I ran from the loading-unloading bay to the rain outside. It was dark and large puddles were beginning to form in groups, causing my pantlegs to become wet as I splashed through them to get to the ship ahead of me.

The  _Millennium Falcon_  was powering down as I ran to the opening hatch. I wiped the wet hair out of my eyes when I was met by the furred Wookiee, then a younger female. She and I stared at each other for a moment, shock apparent on both our faces.

Finally, she began to speak, “Finn is inside, but his back is injured, and we need a stretcher.”

“Finn’s hurt?”, I asked. Nobody told me Finn was hurt.  _Only her_.

“Oh”, she said before taking my forearm lightly. She looked at the ground then into my eyes, shaking her head.

I felt as if my knees were about to buckle and give in, but I took a step forwards up the ramp. The girl let me go as she found someone in the group that was jogging towards the recently landed ship. I paid no heed as I ran inside. The Wookiee made a noise and pointed left.

I practically slipped from my wet boots on the metal as I sprinted inside. The ship was made in a circular fashion, making the hall like an arch. My stupid, frantic brain was thinking of logistics and about the ships interior when I came to an opening that lead to a small sitting area.

That’s when my knees finally gave in. I put my head into my hands, as if in defeat. I felt a sob wrack my body, taking me by shock. Another soon followed with a moan, which then led to me sobbing in my hands in front of what was once my best friend.

The past few months I was in anguish over the fact that she was able to hurt and injure me so easily. That was until General Organa told me about her past and the conflicts she felt inside the girl. She explained to me how the dark side of the force was causing the anger and hate to radiate out of her and into her actions.

_I sentence you to immediate death_

Those words resonated throughout my thoughts, thinking back on the details that I was too afraid to think of before. Her eyes were yellow and not the beautiful hazel I had once known. That ass hole Ren made her believe that her friends killed her family. I gripped onto my still wet hair as sobs continued to hit me in waves.

I flinched when a hand softly placed itself onto my shoulder. I looked up and saw that it was Leia herself. She was dressed in a similar brown jacket, her greying hair wet as well. She was staring at the body in front of us. We stayed like this in silence, but I refused to look at the body.

The younger female, who ought to have been this Rey, must have tried to save her. Although when she realized it was too late, she placed a white sheet from the barracks to cover her. This caused a dark crimson stain to spread from the center of the sheet where her abdomen was.

“I’ll kill him for this”, I said between sobs. I looked back up at the General, who tucked her lips between her teeth, trying to not to cry herself.

“Rey told me that she took her own life moments after injuring Ren.”

I whipped my head to look at her again. I scowled and slowly stood from where I was kneeling so that I could face her at eye level.

“Whoever this Rey is, is a liar.”

“But it’s true”, said a quiet voice behind me. I turned slightly, seeing the same younger female in what appears to be sand colored clothing that was not meant for this weather. She gently brushed a tear away before saying, “I watched her. We were preparing to land when a ravine was made, making it too unstable to land. I watched as she stabbed-“, she stopped as she quickly covered her mouth with the back of her hand. She turned and swiftly went back down the arch like hallway.

“I need to see her”, I said as I walked towards the body.

I went back onto my knees beside her. It was so silent that I could hear the patter of rain hitting the metal exterior of the ship. I took one of my trembling hands that was resting on my thigh and took hold of the corner of the white sheet. I hesitated,  _I can’t do this_.

Leia slowly walked around me until she was across from me. She got to her knees similar to me, so that we were at eye level again. She took a deep breath and took the other corner of the white sheet. Leia glanced at me, causing me to nod.

We gently pulled the sheet away from her face and folded it onto her chest near her collar bone. I quickly looked away and placed a hand over my face. My other hand was in a fist against my thigh. I took a shaky breath and slowly moved my sight from where her feet would have been, past the crimson stain, then back to her face.

 _Oh Nym_.

She was pale, like when I last saw her. But her face was at peace. She looked years younger, yet she also looked as if she aged another decade. Her once youthfulness in her cheeks had grown hollow, her features sharper. I went to take her hand, but gasped when I saw the deformity.

Her small hand was a mix of skin and metal. It went up her palm and to her wrist.

I took her cold hand regardless and placed a kiss on her palm. I leaned forwards so that my two hands that were wrapped around her’s was against my forehead. I was slowly rocking myself as the tears continued to flow. I then brushed a stray curl from her forehead and placed my own palm against her cold cheek.

I hadn’t realized I began sobbing again. I hadn’t realized that I was begging her to come back, for her to be the woman before she was kidnapped. I needed her to come back.

After a moment, I slowly replaced her hand back under the sheet. I went to take the folded section to place it back over her face when I heard Leia move in front of me.

“Poe get a medic.”

 _What?_  I just stared at her, “They have people already helping Finn.”

“Poe”, she said as she looked me right in the eyes. The look she gave me sent a cold chill down my spine, “We need a medic  _now_!”

I looked down quickly and saw that she had her hand on Nym’s chest. I was too stunned to move.

“POE!”

I quickly got up and ran down the hall, screaming for a medic or for anyone who could help.

I small sliver of hope began to blossom in my chest.

\--

I was sitting on the ramp to the ship, trying to keep the tears from sliding free. After hearing her pilot friend sobbing and calling me a liar, I had to leave. I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself to re-enter the room where a body was laying under a sheet.

The rain was now a soft drizzle, which allowed me to see the light from what I assumed was the cargo bay. I was staring at the light that was made into a halo by the rain, thinking about how only two days ago I felt alone in this universe.

The first vision came the night before I found BB-8. It was of a greying male in a robe, saying I needed to send a message to someone important. I saw a mental picture of a female that appeared to be shorter than me. Her hair was a light brunette and in curls. Her eyes an interesting mix of color. She looked close to me in age as well.

The man told me the message, which I found confusing, but agreed. I didn’t know when I would see this woman, but in the end, I kept my promise. It was a shock that this woman was Ren’s apprentice and that she was strong with the force.  _Like me_.

I thought about the other visions, like the ones when I touched the lightsaber that was still attached to my hip. And then the one about Nym. It happened after I touched her shoulder when she took down the First Order’s shield. Of her as a child running into a burning house, and then her being called a murder by what must have been her brothers.

I wiped another tear away.  _Why was I crying over a stranger_?

I couldn’t answer that question, I just felt this connection with her that I couldn’t explain in words. Like this ribbon was attacked to us both, pulling us together. I felt I was also crying for another friend who was very much alive, but the group that took him away wouldn’t let me follow.

My thoughts went back to the hard object sitting in my palms. I looked down at the weapon in my hands. The same one that took the life of this woman on her own accord. It was beautiful in a way; it was a mixture of metal and wood that was symbolic in its own way. I didn’t want to ignite it since it wasn’t my weapon, but the need to was increasingly growing.

Finally, I stood to get clear of the ramp and ship. I walked into the sprinkling rain, which was a new feeling for me. I took a stance that felt natural before igniting the weapon. I took a deep breath and turned it on.

I gasped; the blade was absolutely beautiful. The blade was still a burgundy color, though there was a pure white strip between the burgundy. It was if looking through the top of the saber, the white would make a cross with four red patches in the corners.

I was admiring the blade and the former owner’s strength and beauty when I heard someone running down the ramp. I turned and saw a disheveled, red-eyed man from earlier running towards me.

He hesitated, seeing the weapon. I rapidly extinguished it and placed it back onto my hip, opposite from my own. He quickly rushed over and grabbed my shoulders, “The General needs a medic!”

“What happened? Is she alright?”

He ran past me towards the cargo bay, “Quick! Help me find someone!”

I didn’t hesitate as I ran after him. I asked every person where to find someone to help when we were finally pointed in the right direction. We burst through a set of doors, finding three people to help us.

We were running back to the ship with them when the man stuck is hand out for me to take, “I’m Poe.”

“Rey”, I said, taking his hand before continuing to run back towards the ship.

We went inside, though I stayed near the ramp while Poe hurried to the left and down the hall. There was a minute of loud voices, then silence. The suspense was eating at me, so I pushed my fear and sadness away and followed the group to where Nym was.

I stood in the entryway, watching as the three medics took over with Leia giving orders. Poe was crouched near the body’s feet, happiness was surprisingly covering his features.

I looked back at General Organa, who noticed me standing watch. She calmly waved me over while saying, “She’s alive.”


	41. Author's Note

No, this is not another chapter.

Yes, this story has ended (please don’t be sad or mad).

Hmmm, I might make a second one. It just depends. The problem is that I don’t want to start on another and it diverge from the newest film that comes out in freaking 2019. But we shall see…

For those that have made it this far, I want to thank you for your likes, comments, and for just reading. It made my night when I checked in to both places that I have “published” the story and see all the people who have taken the time to read this.

Let me know your thoughts if I should continue. I love to hear feedback on all things, including things I’ve derped on or grammatical stuff. I wrote this usually around midnight when I couldn’t sleep because of my anxiety. Writing helped me cope, which is another reason why I’m sad this is over with. But I feel better now that it’s accomplished.

I am a super huge fan of this universe (and many others), though I’ve read through some fanfics and none stood out. So, I decided to make my own, the only problem is I didn’t know where to start.

The idea came when I had a dream that ended up being Chapter 10 (the chapter our beloved Nym found her family and caused her first large connection with the force). Granted the dream was far less vivid, though it gave me that initial boost of ideas.

The actual chapter I first started to write was when she was stuck in the cell after being kidnapped. So, if that chapter sucks it’s because it was the beginning of this story.

This was my first real book baby and I’m devastated that it’s over with, but I’m also glad (somewhat). It’s good to see your “kid” grow into an almost 68,000 worded story and for others to also enjoy it.

I wanted the main character to not be this perfect human, but someone that went through hell and back multiple times and sort of got (pardon me) fucked up by it. She’s physically and mentally damaged and this, I think, makes the character slightly relatable (in a less dramatic sense) and has more personality. You have these perfectly tall, gorgeous, female characters, but hardly any that are truly messed up and applicable.

Another little note... I started writing this on March 28, 2018 and finished on September 18, 2018. That's (I think) 175 days... holy shit!

Ok, I’m rambling on and going to stop now. Love you all and THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!

 

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment your thoughts, concerns, ideas (I get writer's block often) and anything I mess up with (grammar, missed details, and general Star Wars facts).  
> Thank you all for taking the time to read what I have. I love logging in and seeing the hits and kudos. It means a lot and it helps fuel me on to continue writing.   
> *Air hugs*


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